NERVOUSNESS

WARNING! WARNING! BIG TIME! I'm really tired and just took my medicine. I have been feeling a little more and more uneasy. I felt mentally good for over a month. I feel internal pressure seeping through my skin, like a pressure relief valve needing to release, but damn if I understand why! That only makes it worse! I try so hard to stay within myself! What has changed? My life is probably as simple as one can make it! I absolutely HATE this inner feeling that raises it's head from time to time! I fight so hard to understand and pin point the cause. I have the effect but why??? It's inner nervousness that becomes more pronounce as I get tired. I have several more hours to go at work and feel as though something's working against me from deep within and I cannot understand, no matter how hard I try! I force myself too do my job no matter how tired I become! The inner adrenalin rush to flee the Dinosaur as in a Caveman to run faster makes me inwardly sick because I can't comprehend what brings this on. I tire of this silliness, without purpose! I wish it to be gone! I have fought this inner tension since childhood and tried everything to exorcise it! BUT! It ALWAYS returns! Nothing ever the slightest bit constructive, comes out of this! Destructive yes!

No matter how hard I try, it's never enough! It lies dormant down deep! Finally I think it's gone! I'm free! But the unsettled, uneasy feeling comes to the top and reverberates it's nonsensical notes! Damn how I wish to be free of it!!!

I thought hard, about not writing of this! But I know I'm not the only one! No matter how hard WE try to keep it down, it always gets back up! Why must we be tormented from within ourselves! The world, working, people, sometimes is torment enough for every mistake or thought we've ever had!

I wish to speak of all, in my examination of life, even mine, on this what has become a diary of sorts/blog! WE are real people, we're not just numbers! My thoughts are your thoughts! My humor is your humor! Pain is real and we feel pain just like the next person! I certainly don't have the answers but you know what??? We search TOGETHER! MY WORDS, ARE YOUR WORDS! MAKES NO MATTER WHO TYPES THEM, IF WE FEEL THEM DOES IT? WE RUN THE GAUNTLET OF EMOTIONS TOGETHER! SHARING HOPE FOR ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER SUNRISE, ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL SPRING, THAT CURLS YOUR TOES FROM THE SHEER BEAUTY OF LIFE FLOWERING ONCE AGAIN, FROM OUT OF THE DARKNESS!

We the real true hardworking family raising people never give up! We keep on plugging away! We die one day, but our spirit survives! Hopefully to guide others, if we're lucky! (I really like that thought!) So I'm going to sign off to all my Brothers and Sisters! I wish you goodnight, goodday wherever yee be and keep the faith! Glen