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Monday, June 6, 2011


It’s , do you know where your little Sasquatches are? Me, and my trusty shotgun are taking a late night ride in search of the legendary Big Foot, otherwise known as Sasquatch, you know the big hairy thing that some people believe exist! We don’t believe it, we are like kids letting our imaginations run amuck, well, I am anyway.
Punky, that’s my shotgun riding companion, who thinks she’s human, looks at me and says “I thought you was Big Foot”. You’ll have to excuse her, she’s my dog, she talks too much sometimes and I’m the only one that she talks to! I know you’re thinking he is a nut case! Well just let me say this “she is a lot smarter than most people I work with, and certainly smarter than people I come in contact with on a daily basis”. She is definitely smarter than the ones I see at the Convenience Store off the Interstate at any morning. Yikes!!! Have you ever seen your paper carrier as he delivers your morning paper WOOOW!!! I have; at the Convenience Store getting a double BIG GULP and beef jerky! This here mountain of a man was so tall he had to duck his head going out the door. Yep, would I lie to you? This was back in the winter, he had long hair and a long beard and he smelled ooo-wee! He smelled NASTY!!! He walked unusual with his head stuck forward. His stride was most unusual! The only time I have seen someone move like him was on a documentary about Big Foot, and this supposedly real film showed a creature walking along a stream and his movement was identical to this fella’s. Would an honest person like me, who talks to his dog of 13 years, kid you? Hell no!!! Honestly, my dog is more intelligent than most people and I actually saw this here fella and he delivers morning papers. I didn’t have the nerve to look him in the eye and ask his name… you think I’m nuts… or something?! Everyone knows you don’t look animals squarely in the eye, sheesh I aint’a gonna tangle with no Big Foot! When I got back to my truck, Punky was on the floor board with her eyes closed, her front legs up over her head and she stayed that way for about a mile down the road.
I asked her, what’s a matter girl? She said, “Did you see that smelly stinking animal coming out the door”?
I responded, “You mean the hairy guy”.
She said, that, that, that was no hairy guy that was Big… big… fa-fa Foot”!
I’m laughing, and asked Punky. “How many Big Foots have you seen in your 13 years living with me”?
Punky says, “That’s the first one and we dogs have keen noses, and besides I’m a dog you dumbass, if there is one thing we dogs know, it is how to smell out other animals and I didn’t need to smell his butt!!! I could smell him setting in the truck you dumbass”!
I’M getting mad and tell Punky. “That’s the second time in one sentence you called me a dumbass and you better not call me that again”!
Punky says, “sorry MASTERRR”!
                I think the situation over and wonder about this big hairy smelly Sasquatch looking man and where he lives and if he has a family and such. This oddity soon consumes me and I talk to Punky about following him home.
She said, “arf, arf are you out of your aarfing mind master”?
I ask Punky, “how far away can you smell the Sasquatch man”?
Punky says, “The way he stinks probably will leave a scent that won’t go away, like a skunk ewe wee”!
I further ask, “more specific you mutt”!
Punky says sarcastically, “don’t get your manhood in a pinch MASTERRR, this ain’t no exact science u-know, just cause I’m a talking dog don’t mean I’m a aarfing human. Let me get my lap top out and paw it out. Let me see depending on the wind, the dew, the temperature, how fast we are going, how fast Mr. Quatch is going, what kind of steak I get for supper, I would guess-nose-imate one mile + or – the conditions I have previously described to you”!
I respond, “I’m almost sorry I asked Professor Punky”!
I think, we can follow him home some night and see where the Sasquatch lives. We already know he delivers west of town because we have seen him with his newspapers several nights heading that direction. One hot summer night I don’t say anything to Punky, I spot Sasquatch’s old beat up Chevrolet Impala and follow into the deep country. Suddenly Punky becomes aware of what I’m doing, she says, “better be prime rib tomorrow Masterr”! I waited for a full moon so I could turn my lights off and let Punk’s nose show the way or rather smell the way. We wasn’t having any trouble and Punky commented, “old Mr. Quatch is ripe tonight”!
We end up at a lookout tower at a State Park, bordering a National Forest. This area is off limits and becomes hills and hollers after the State Park. About 100 years ago a rich man willed this and left a huge amount of money to keep if off limits. The only people allowed in are Game Wardens. A Hydroelectric Dam was built 50 years ago. It remains uninhabitable wilderness, Lawyers and the Government, by way arms of all the surrounding Sheriffs and Game Wardens assures it stays that way.
Me and Punky look at each other and are thinking the same thought! HUH! Now what do we do? We drive away and come back at daybreak, per usual Punky was hungry and I was tired of hearing her belly growling. We drive back in a few hours and there was no other structure around just the lookout tower and the old beat up Impala. About 100 feet beyond the tower was a large chain link fence like they have around the Military Bases, 10 or 12 feet tall and you can see that this fence had been here for quite some time, it no longer shows any silver protection paint,  it was all rusty but there was a gate with a lock on it, huum! 
This little mystery keeps getting better and better. We spend many days driving at different times and that old Impala was always there, but no signs of life. Punky’s, advice to me, was leave this alone and get on with my life. However I can’t. Seems logical he has a cabin there and is allowed, so who cares? Why do I, it’s none of my business! I try bribing Punky, to follow the scent to find out for me,
She said, “no aarfing way it’s hard telling what is behind that fence and besides that she ain’t no country bumpkin, no way Jose Masterr”! Although Punky did have a plan for me,
 She said, “Get them night vision goggles like the Army has and find yourself a spot and watch Mr. Quatch some night and remember this plan does not require ME”! 
I ask her, “You would let me do this on my own and not be my side-kick”.
She responds. “It’s your party not mind and I don’t leave the safety of the truck Masterr”.

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