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Sunday, June 5, 2011

Ding-Bats & The Sanitarium

In case you have never heart those words, I will explain. I'm the Professor of Psychiatric Insanities Disorders here at Glen View Sanitarium. Some call me a ding-bat, hell call me anything you want to, I live in a mansion with servants to take care of my every whim. So I'm a well cared for and RICH ding-bat. These other ding-bats are locked inside the gates but I go home to my 5 children and lovely eccentric ding-batty wife. I look forward to leaving my profession at work, but NO, the only way I can get some peace and quiet in my own home is to hide. During an expansion I had a hidden entrance and apartment built so I can have some peace and quiet.
I can't for the life of me understand how I got into this jamb. I married the love of my life and everything was perfect for 5 years as my career was blooming and my Vivian began sprouting, and we were happy as ones could be. After Gersch things were pretty normal. But after Gesundeit things began to change. I was a proud Poppa and arranged my schedule to be home at dinner time and spend all my free time with my family. Vivian insisted on properness, she would say "there is a proper place for everything and everything has a proper place". It was worse after Gorst. She began hiring nannies and servants from all over the world. She wanted her children to be "PROPA" as she pronounced it. Then came along Gertrude and I thought now that she has a girl the boys will have it easier and they did for a little while. Finally our youngest Ginny came along and I told myself with two girls to occupy her, the boys will be allowed to be boys at last!
I wanted my children to be regular children, the way children are meant to be. Having fun getting dirty climbing trees, enjoy being a child, the adult stuff, the properness can be honed later. Vivian had sit out on a one woman crusade to make 5 perfect, proper children that were no fun at all. We did make an agreement early in our marriage that my job was to work and her job was to take care of the house and children. So I stuck to the agreement, even though I was having to drink more Bourbon to do it. I began coming home later and later and working on the weekends.
Ding-bats is like having bats running amiss in your gigantic house speaking foreign languages that you don't understand. That's what the help she hired was like. Everyone who taught our children was foreign. My own children ran around speaking French, Spanish, German and other languages and I never understood a word they said. They were so busy with the arts, the languages, and every other thing that My Vivian could come up with, they were well rounded but seemed like the other DING-BATS in my house, I was dumbfounded.
My home held crazier people than my Mental Hospital, I knew how to work at curing them but my own home was full of ding-batty crazy aliens from all over the world and I'm not completely sure from beyond this planet!!!  
I had hidden cameras installed and began studying the unintentional lovingly applied yet creating of misfits that will not survive anywhere else but in the world my Vivian has created, as her vision of Utopia and (Properness). She had set out to do great things for her children; however she had created oddities to the outside world and would be forced to live in a bubble.
I call in colleagues to help me with this quandary that I have unintentionally found myself in. The cure would be to deprogram the mindsets of my wife and children as a group. This most interesting case has brought out the brightest Professors of Psychiatry from around the planet. Actually seems only proper after all, people from around the planet have helped my overly caring but ding-batty wife and mother to successfully orchestrate such a kind yet overwhelmingly screwed up family!
I began my mission to salvage my family, with the help of  the Psychiatric community. My family became the most talked about case in modern history. First we made room here at the Sanitarium and went to court to prove that my family was the neediest family in the world for Psychiatric help. This was the first case of its type ever and I received a court order to proceed.
Professors from all over the world was converging on Glen View, the sleepily little country Mental Hospital was now world famous. I allowed the Doctors to stay at my house to further evaluate the other part of the equation.
I managed to get my family here under false pretenses of which I'm not proud of but the big picture looms larger. I would be living with them full time and guiding my family's future with love and that is my ace in the hole. I, and my colleagues begin a 24 hour a day vigil with failure not an option. I put trusted friends in charge of my household problems. The decision was made all aliens no matter where they are from must go.
From the look of a complete shell shocked family, slowly and surely small strides were being accomplished. It was Vivian that was the biggest obstacle, for out of undeniable love to be the best mother, she had become obsessed, eccentric, or a complete ding-bat and created clones of what she believed to be the perfect children. Within her narrow focus she was destroying them as adults by not allowing the child to be children and learn through their mistakes.
After a few months it became clear to her that she was destroying, rather than creating. Then she hit bottom, very hard and painfully. She became the arch nemesis of what she had set out to be and she went into a deep depression. This was expected and through the 24 hour around the clock vigil of FAMILY they actually learned how to be a family, Mighty amazing how the same thing that can destroy can also cure!!!
Rather than going back home the family toured the world visiting the homes of the Doctors that valiantly helped  give new and fresh beginnings to the once family of created ding-bats. By seeing the families from around the world and living with them this family was now a family, a real old fashioned family the way it was meant to be.

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