The Forklift Man

Once upon a time, there was this factory hidden in the Challenging Forest. The name of this company was Nuts & Money. In spite of all, the handicaps, this company makes money. The more challenged the merrier the logo reads, and they're certainly right! I know someone who knows someone who works there and we meet regularly for drinks before the Saturday night comic club extravaganza at the local Holiday Inn. My friend tells of the recent happenings in the Challenged Forest. This conversation is a warm up act for the real comedians and always puts me in a funny mood. We drink beer and hear real life adventures from Ray Earl Truth. He assures me Nuts & Money is real! Ray Earl says this every week and I  laugh every week, at the same words. Employees with names like I Know Man, Grandpa, Hoodman, Grinchster, Talks Toomuch, Always Late, Old Man, and tonight's winner to talk about The Fofk Lift Man.

Elmer VanSit is his name, he came to Nuts & Honey from the Ain't Too Bright Academy for the Lazily Impaired. Elmer was voted the most impaired in his class. He won the Can't Do Nothing award for the laziest in his graduating class. There was only one thing he was good at. If it was sitting he could do it. During the hiring interview he impressed the company trained interviewer with his abilities. He said, "I have been sitting all my life and have created an art out of it". He showed the highly impressed interviewer his Can't Do Nothing Award. The company interviewer gave Elmer VanSit the official job of Forklift Man. It was a match made in the seat. The Forklift and Elmer were lover's at first seat. During Elmer's shift you never have to search for him, even during breaks he sits in the seat. If there be a few minutes of nothing going on, others would be emptying trash sweeping or such silly nonsensical stuff, Elmer would be sitting in the seat of his love. Parting is such sweet sorrow. (That be a oxymoron saying for my Buddy Timster.) Sorrow my ass, Elmers ass was stuck to the vinyl seat! His ass sweated soo much from sitting still soo long, his !@#$ing pants would not leave his love! So after that it's mandatory for him to get his ass out of the seat every two hours. They had to call 911 and bring their ass removing tool to pry his ass off the sweaty ass seat. The paramedics all agreed that was the worst case of the lazy ass, sweaty seats, they'd ever witnessed!!! Since then he has been promoted! With his unique ability to sit for long periods of time, he drives the company truck, making the long ass trips, noobody's ass can sit like Elmer VanSit. Elmer is the person everybody looks down to, because he's always sitting. There was once a man working at Nuts & Money called Kenny Dolittle, no match for Elmer though. There was one other employee Heza Assisamine, nope, no competition for Elmer. Elmer VanSit is the Poster Person for the Ain't To Bright Academy, there he is sitting in all the asinine glory for the new potential students to shoot for.

Elmer is the prime example of what can be accomplished if you put your ass into it! Where others have to work their asses off to keep a job, Elmer VanSit has made a living out of sitting!

ALL CHARACTERS I CREATE ARE IMAGINARY CHARACTERS, NEVER TO BE CONFUSED WITH REAL PEOPLE ANYWHERE! THIS IS A SPECIAL ONE TIME HOPEFULLY FUNNY POST FOR ALL, BUT ESPECIALLY FOR SUE & AH KLEM. goodnight my friends wherever ye be! remember LAUGHTER is the best medicine of ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!