Done With The Workin' Shite!

Another visit to the Doctor today. There never going to end. Can't keep my blood thickness in the normal range. Hell that's cause I ain't NORMAL! I do not know anybody that's normal! So why should any test we take be normal? Seems me blood thickness level is all over the charts! I reckon it be a good thing that I got some kind of a filter do-hickey-thing-a-ma-bob hooked up inside of me. I think of it as like a fuel filter on your automobile. Something comes through that shouldn't it stays in the filter and don't screw up your engine or make it run rough. Err, in me case a blood clot stopping me heart. So I be better than ever like a new filter in yer Hyundai Sonata. Damn whaaaaaaaaaat technology we have today! I cannot remove it till my blood stays a consistent, consistency. Hell. I don't want it removed! Leave er in a few years and put in a new one, with all the technology, keep er in! If I would of had me one of them filters I would not of had the problem you know of passing out tuning blue not breathing and such!  I was charged many times with them shock-yer-ass-back-to-life-paddle-electrical-thing-a-ma-bob's.

Heart's good, blood pressure's good, I feel pretty good overall, 'cept I think I'm done with this working stuff. I'm not starting over again at my age. The mental strain has already taken much toil, and the situations that pert-nert finalizes this old man of recent months has added a couple shovels full of dirt on my newly dug grave. Don't want nor need the hassles and struggles of doing the right thing anymore, when others don't. I'm a dying breed too close to that on September, 17 of this year. I found myself able to return from the physical adventures of almost planted six feet under in my local city cemetery.

Please do not fool yourself we old uns are a dying breed. We were taught values, work ethics, loyalty, trust and all the necessary common sense tools to survive in our world. Todays world is different, different in good or bad I will hold judgment on.

I FEAR THE ADVANCEMENT OF TECHNOLOGY, IS DESTROYING THE LATEST GENERATIONS, BECAUSE I THINK THE INFORMATION, TECHNOLOGY WAVE HAS HIT US TOO HARD, TOO QUICKLY AND OUR MINDS, OUR VALUES, WHAT HAS MADE US WILL CONSUME AND DESTROY. NOT AN EASY PILL TO SWALLOW AND I DON'T SAY THAT WITH PLEASURE. I HAVE WORKED ALMOST 50 YEARS AND HAVE WITNESSED THE GOOD AND THE BAD. I'M JUST ANOTHER OLD MAN PUT OUT TO PASTURE HAVING DONE HIS JOB WITH HEAD HELD HIGH.

VALUES, FAMILY, WORK ETHICS, HONESTY AND SO ON AND SO FORTH ARE NEEDED TO CARRY ON, TO EACH GENERATION. MAN I'M NOT FEELING GOOD ABOUT WHAT I'VE WITNESEED IN THE LATER STAGES OF MY LIFE.

"HOW CAN I SAY THAT?" I'm sorry to say I witnessed the same thing I experienced in my working life and everyday business dealings in a hospital. That sums it up for me!!!

Screaming, My Conciousness!

A couple weeks ago I'd say my consciousness was minimal. I now need to let er rip,, whatever be up there please come out ol' Glen wants to play. I fear . . . my sense of humor has run away. No! No! can't be, whatever will I say?

Can the brain be overloaded, say like the colon, you know, fresh stuff in, old shit out.  (that's pretty funny, ha, ha!)  Sorry, I be on my way back, nah I ainna sorry 'bout that. I feel I've lost out on a lot of funning, when I was away.

One thingee, I lurned, fer sure, ya just can't force this here stream of consciousness thing.  If its flowing fun for me, hopefully, I can get a grin outta you. See when I try to stifle, the flow of me stream, by damning it, then I say, THEN strange things may happen, like proper spelling, punctuation, and educated, ya know schoolin', which I nevur, lurned, no how. I grew up going to school, then comin' home and readin', my favoritiest author, Samuel Clemens, ya know Mark Twain. How would one expect a poor country boy, who's relatives were from the hills and hollers of Kentucky be any other way?

Whow-wee, I seem to be in a right fine mood 'bout now. I certainly need it I was in a bummer of a mood nye onto ten days or so. I hate when that happens, don't know how to stop it, I just try to ignore it, till it goes away. Could drink booze, nah . . .  could do drugs, nah . . .  I'm doing enough legal ones now, don't know how the fuck I could be depressed?

You know I have been getting a lot of hits from Ukraine, and Russia. I find that so special, because there all from my older posts. I believe the people of Ukraine and Russia, might identify with a simple poor old man, like me. I be just ME, a tryin' to be no one other than ME.

What did I do today? The same I been a doin' fer several weeks now. Sleep, eat, take my medicines, check my blood pressure, glucose level, do some walkin', try, I SAY TRY, to find something worth watching on the tell-e-vision, that sur-nuff is hard to do!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

'Bout now . . . yer askin' yerself, what be the deal with the ZZZs? Don't know, it's late and I should be in bed, I reckon that had somethin' to do with it.

I'm writing this part below the ZZZs about ten days later. It's 6 am December 26. Had a sweet potato casserole for dinner and as a snack later on, yummy, yummy, yummy, like a sweet tater pie in me tummy!  Later on as I try to sleep them sweet taters were a growlin' in me belly!

Enough of that crap! Let me see if I have anything a swimmin' in the ol' stream of thought consciousness thing.

Well one think just popped into my mind, me belly be a rumbling so I better hid to the you know. At least a synapsey thing fired so there was no mess!

How do I get out of this mess I thought myself into?

True to one's, self!

Once . . . I had my favorite time to jot down some thoughts, Now that I have anytime, I have nothing to say. I need a reason something to shake me up. Well, I don't want a reason to be shook up. No longer anyhow. It is actually a challenge of a different kind, of which I've never experienced. I sleep when I want, I eat when I want. I live without a set schedule. Perhaps I can actually grasp the old saying "The Life Of Riley." Actually . . . I never thought I would be in this position. Life has put me in this position, so I reckon I'll grasp it and go with the flow. Not much else to do, too old to start over, plus my desire, my faith in humanity escapes me now. The right thing, is a lost, forgotten phrase.

Seems I have lived a lifetime of emotions, physical and some very personal issues, I thought would never happen, this year. Well . . .  was I fucking wrong! There are some options, I chose not to follow, I'm tired you see, tired of fighting for what's mine. I'm old, give out! I have experienced places few go, to return again. I'm no smarter, just more tired you see. To fight for what's right, seems so meaningless, as the tides roll in with more of the continual erosion of ethics. I am but one finger attempting to keep the levee intact. Can't be done! My hope, enthusiasm, my zest for life has been depleted. A lifetime, plus another lifetime, rolled into the last three months or so has drained me. To fight now will only deplete the life's reserves I may have left. I have fought my own battles for too long, my armor, by sword can no longer be held, it drags behind me as a reminder that I no longer wish to carry. Can't if I'm to live again for whatever time I have left. I wish with all my heart I could believe as so many seem to. I must think through my heart the way I've always thought. I must live within me and be satisfied with what I feel and think. After all justice of heart is a just soul, and if there is a power that can read my heart, then I wish to be not another hypocrite as I feel so many are!

I GIVE YOU MY HEART AND SOUL FOR CHRISTMAS. GLEN

The Stupor Of Life

I think to myself, I've not awakened from the stupor of September 17th. Hallucinations, dreams, I still am suffering the side effects of my heart stopping and no breathing. I lay comatose in the hospital waiting to wake up with my world returning to normal. A lot of effort from several people and two hospitals work valiantly to give me another shot. That shot I deserve from giving my all and being a human being.

My faith has been destroyed. I grew up in a world where honesty, loyalty, humanity to my fellow man meant something. I'm not talking faith as in religion, I'm talking bare bones, the nitty-grittiness of humans helping humans in time of need. Where dollars mean absolutely nothing. Its not pushing the knife blade deeper and jiggling it all around to finalize the kill. I'm not an animal! I thought I was a human being, therefore worth a second chance, all, and everything to get me back on my feet again.

In today's world is loyalty to a human being or $$$$$ more important?

I hope you never have to answer that my friends for I have learned the answer the hard way and I know!

The Days Come, The Days Go

The days, they come, they go

Never . . . do we know, what tomorrow brings

Good, bad, once in awhile ugly . . .

We have no choice, we must see them through

Hopefully, peaceful sleep, sweet dreams

Shall make the next day brighter, than those before

Thoughts mirror our current attitude of the heart

Thoughts devour, if we allow

Thoughts can hold our head high

Aye . . . thoughts 

Thoughts addressed, through the heart carry more value

Than ones, in the heat of the moment

THE TIMES OF TRIALS ARE SO TRYING. DO WE USE THEM AS A BUILDING BLOCK FOR THE FUTURE? DO WE GIVE UP?

I SHALL TAKE THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE. MY BATTLES BEHIND ME I LIVE FOR PEACE.

I HAVE NEVER KNOWN, TRUE PEACE, AT TIMES IT SEAMED REACHABLE, ONLY TO ELUDE ME, LIKE A PINATA.

SOME, SEEM TO HAVE FOUND PEACE WITHIN A MAKE BELIEVE WORLD. I DO NOT LIVE IN A MAKE BELIEVE WORLD. I LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD.
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I SHALL CONTINUE BEARING MY THOUGHTS, SOUL. HEART. I'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION WORDS, RATHER THE RELEASE OF WORDS THROUGH MY HEART, SHALL GET ME THROUGH WHAT LIES AHEAD.

THIS FORMAT I COME TO YOU NOW ON, WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE USED AS A DIARY OF SORTS. THE MIND CLEANSING CAME ABOUT BECAUSE I HAD TO LEARN TO TYPE. SEVERAL YEARS LATER IT MAY SAVE ME AS I STRIKE THE PINATA EVEN BLIND SIDED AND WANT THE GOODIES IT CONTAINS.

I BEGIN A NEW CHAPTER, AFTER LIFE ALTERING EVENTS. TO SEEK OUT NEW WORDS, PHRASES, STORIES WHERE I'VE NOT GONE BEFORE.
 

The Old Man And The Sea!

I fear . . . the wind, has perished. The un-escapable wind has sent my sails a fluttering through thick and thin, well over sixty years ya see. I find myself adrift, without load. Lost somewhere in the world of money, over souls. How does it feel? Lonely, extremely lonely! A ship without a flag riding my mast,current heading seems no where.  Adrift, no purpose. Shall the stars guide me, giving the wisdom of the universe, all cultures behold such beauty of the starry skies containing infinite wisdom. Wow! I wish some of that wisdom. I'd be so smart, if I only had just the tiniest fraction. Knowledge of certainty is so much more valuable than all the opinions garnered through a lifetime of all.

I am but, an old man adrift, the continents so full of people contains righteousness that makes little sense to me. The ones in power, lead without heart, driven by money. My heart was slain, after it had already stopped. Several months after my heart heals, as my mind and body returns to near normal, a massive downpour rains on my parade. While healing the reality of true business takes me down again.

After once more regaining my balance, the old man can now see, in the lonely sea of wayward souls, sent there not by their, fault rather the ones that have power over us. I shall take the path offered me. My stream has been long and curvy filled with numerous obstacles that has taught me life in a nutshell. We cannot control what life deals us but we can control how we deal with it.

FOR ITS NOT WHAT YOU'VE DONE, IT'S WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME, AS IN THE ONES IN CHARGE, IT'S WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME TODAY! THEIR LOSS IS MY GAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GROWING OLDER MEANS DIDDLY-SQUAT UNLESS YOU CAN TAP INTO THE LIFETIME OF LIVING. I'M FROM ANOTHERE ERA WHERE LOYALTY ONCE MEANT SOMETHING.

Please don't feel sad for me, I will feel better than yesterday, today and much better in all the tomorrows to come. I shall join the "Life of Riley", enjoying this Christmas in ways I've not, in 20 years. The Christmas shows and regular holiday movies are making life feasible once again and wanted in ways I've not, in a long time.

I HAVE LIVED A LIFETIME AFTER GIVING ANOTHER SHOT SINCE SEPTEMBER 17 th, OF THIS YEAR. LIFE HAS HIT ME HARD, AS SEEMS A LIFETIME OF TRUE PERSPECTIVE ALMOST LOST THIS OLD BOY!

Believe And Know

The word believe echoes through my mind after seeing it on television. Why it rings so clear mystifying me. We all know what the word means, don't we? We probably use it every day but do not stop to think upon its meaning. I believe in few things, family, spouse, well there has to be more! I believe the sun will shine tomorrow. Well what if it's cloudy all day? I believe, strike that, I know it's up there.

Ah, most interesting. . .  I believe, I know. I believe does not give me 100%! I know does, because I know, what I know, with absolute certainty.

I was taught math in school, I have used it all my life and know with certainty, everyday. Math was my best subject in school, it made sense.

Nothing else did I learn with certainty. English, still don't understand, don't want to, I just love to have fun with it.

What I believe is a lifetime of seeking the truth, that's hard, everybody knows the truth, don't they?

We humans are so wishy-washy, some days we know the truth with certainty, other days we question with more than our head, our heart get's in the way. Is that truly the way I feel?

I tend to believe in my heart, for it speaks true, but we tend to ignore it and think things through. I think I do not believe in the way of the masses, never have. I try to fool my mind as does the world by brainwashing. I do not believe in mainstream doctrines, the masses will follow where the most popular of whatever or anything leads them. Humm, wherever  the money goes, they shall follow.

I DOUBT THIS IS MAKING ANY SENSE AND DARE TO TOUCH UPON IT! ALL I CAN SAY IS I KNOW WHAT I KNOW BECAUSE I KNOW IT FROM OVER 60 YEARS OF LIVING AND LISTENING TO MY HEART. THE HEAD AND HEART ARE A FINE TEAM IF WE USE THEM AS ONE!

Ramblin', Man, Just A Thinkin'!!!!!

A spark, a thought come hither, old Glennio needs help, a lot of help! I sit here trying to think but can't get started. I shall write anything and everything that enters my mind. This ought to be fun, after yesterdays pouring of the heart. The truth, feelings thoughts hurt sometime that's why I have you out there in blogland, cheaper than a shrink. We all have our ups and downs, don't we? The cleansing of the mind and heart is a good thing, sure beats a colonoscopy!  ( Place smile here. )

I wrote my little heart out on yesterdays post, now I say fuck it retire, go bug my buddy Timster and retire to Florida. The life of Riley is for me. Sip margaritas, watch the girls go by while I still have my eyesight. Get me a new puppy like my old friend Punkster. Ride the roads searching for adventure, yep retirement! ( Hell yes! )

Right now at this moment I feel good. Why? Hell I don't know but I'll sure as hell take it. Perhaps it's the milk and a handful of pills, yep give me some good ol' American milk where the milk cows have been shot full of medicine. Whether we like it or not we are addicted to the shit put into everything we eat or drink. Hell alcohol is probably the safest thing to drink. Why? Because it has alcohol to cure the mind and clean out the impurities in our body.

'Bout now yer sayin', this boy be full of shite, yep and proud of it! Not true. I go regularly every morning. I be full of pills that's fer sure. I have some cake along with me milk, I made a cake, a yellow cake with chocolate icing, sugar free, good once you get used to it. My glucose level needs to stay down for me to feel better. Surprising the foods you can enjoy, but you must take the time to cook. That right there boys and girls, that be the problem! Working parents with children can't find the time, soo, lets grab a pizza. fast foods, they're a killin' us faster and faster. Y'all know this here old fool be right. I have learned by being forced to eat smarter, dag-nap-it, I ainna gettin' no smarter but I'm eatin' smarter! Yes I is! Ya see I be a doin' the cookin'. Use to love to cook and learned at a young age, my firstus job at the age of 16 was a busboy for my great auntie, Anna Mae a Kentucky woman who was a hell of a cook! Well now she took me under her wing and gave me more cookin' lessons. Ya got to have time and patience to cook properly. I was also a grill cook for the busy times.

Startin' at the bottom like as a busboy a cleanin' up them tables, is what some of these here young-ins need. You work, earn your way up and as your earnin' ye be a learnin at every job. Yes sir my good friends.

OH SHITE!!! I be a ramblin', yes sir, I love to ramble!!!

Ya know I been a thinkin' and a tryin' not to voice my opinion on delicate matters! It be hard though!

You know The U. S. A. has roughly 350,000,000 people. We have always been a mixture of all races. Well now that's just what we, er, can't change that. Hatred runs within families, work environments, everywhere you go and that's a fuchin' sad fact!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take the larger city in America, they've always been home to all cultures. The way this here old country boy understands within say, New York and Los Angeles is many cultures that have their own parts of the city.

Cities within cities it seems, per my understandin' AND A, I, don't understand too much. How and why did this happen? Well seems like most groups like to be with their own. Their culture lives on. That's quite alright I reckon.

Well now, seems hornets nest are opened when others barge in. Well yeah! That's only natural huh? So what be the answer, well seems the lawmakers have made laws, that's the problem! Keep these lawmakers out of all the different races areas. Yep that ought to fix the problem hey? Sure!!!!! Let all the different races police themselves. Hell yes, seems only right. How in tarnation would this ever work? We have people from all nations of the world. Let them make their own rules and police them!

 THAT THERE BOYS AND GIRLS WOULD SOLVE ALL THE PROBLEMS, WOULDN'T
IT??????????   OF COURSE, HAS TO, ALL RACES GET ALONG WITHIN THEIR OWN RACE. THERE WOULD BE NO MORE KILLINGS, EVERY ONE WOULD LIVE IN COMPLETE HARMONY, JUST LIKE SINGING HYMNS IN CHURCH!!!

Well now how many pure Americans is there? That be a hard question to answer! Damn America has always been a mixture of the world. We done went and killed off the pure Americans the Indian. So what do we do now start killing off all the races, DAMN! How many true blue Americans, be left. Gosh darn it wouldn't be enough left to fight our wars, farm, raise crops for the world. Shite Russia, China, somebody with more than a few citizens would take us over. Mexico or Canada could take us over easy!

SEEMS I really got lost on my rambling! After all Ricky Nelson died a long time ago, so now I'm The Rambling Man.

With all these police shootings and racial out cry, let blacks police black neighborhoods, whites police white area, and so on and so forth. All races police themselves.

JUST A THINKIN!

FATE

Do you believe in fate? What is fate?  Fate to me is predetermined. I really never dwelled upon it before. I am now fascinated by the simplicity of the word! If our destiny is set for us then why try altering anything? If we cannot and we come to realize that it seems like our life would be so much simpler.

If we combine fate with faith, now we're on to something. We have faith that our fate cannot be altered and follow the daily path no matter where it takes us.

Wow! Is that simple or what?

We cannot change the weather. We can dress accordingly and be prepared.

We can have an abundance of information, an overload it seems today. Will that change the course of events?

I watched a few minutes of discussion a few minutes ago on a subject I find interesting. The conversation between two scholars started off slow so as I a simple man could follow, then they blew up the words and phrases to the extent they become confusing. Many words and long winded terminology lost me! Yet they did not seem to address the question therefore solved nothing.

At this moment in my life after the devastating ordeal with hospitals and such another life altering event happened two days ago, makes me ask the question, why care or try any more seems the proverbial straw that broke the camels back has done me in mentally and physically. I'm a boxer down for the ten count and no more in me to get up, only to get up and be knocked down once more. There is no more fight left in my tired old soul! I'm done, I have give my all . . . all my life and have a few regrets.

Animals will give up, go into shock and die without hope. Example of which I documented in a case where my dog Nic-O-las gave up and was almost lifeless. I was determined to change that and over a two day period put forth life back onto him by giving him the will, determination and much needed love to continue.    (((This two part post is in my archives in September or October of 2010 titled Nic-O-las. )))

I NOW HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION FATE IS PREDETERMINED AND RARELY ALTERED.

FAITH I LOOK AT AS BEING THE ABILITY TO ACCEPT FATE. SIMPLE HEAH!

I HAVE USED MY DETERMINATION OF FIXING AND CHANGING, THINKING UPON ANY AND ALL THINGS, ONLY TO SELF-DESTRUCT, DESTROYING MY LITTLE WORLD AS I ONCE KNEW IT.

DOES NOT MATTER IN THE LEAST IF I AM RIGHT! A LIFETIME OF LEARNED LIFE LESSONS AS I APPLY THEM, MEANS SQAUT! WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO BE RIGHT AND SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES, ONLY TO BE SMACKED DOWN FOR THE TEN COUNT. STILL ALIVE BUT REELING FROM ALL THE TRAINING PUT INTO IT FROM A LIFETIME, OF JABS, AND HOOKS, SO MANY TIMES, I GIVE UP. IF THIS IS MY FATE I GIVE UP AND FOLLOW THE REST OF MY LIFE SITTING IN MY ROCKING CHAIR FILLED WITH SO MANY HITS TO THE HEAD, I HAVE SIMPLY QUIT THINKING.

MY MOTHER IS OVER 80 YEARS OF AGE, STILL WITH A SOMEWHAT SOUND MIND. I SHALL NEVER GET THERE BECAUSE SHE INADVERTENTLY, or . . . IS SMART ENOUGH TO WEATHER ALL THE STORMS IN HER LIFE. SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH MORE THN I, YET SHE HAS CARRIED ON EVEN IN THE HEAVIEST LOAD, A TRUE PILLAR OF STENGTH IN WHICH I NEVER HAD.

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Only a few months ago and several times in the last few years while lying awake before sleep, I thought to myself, "IF THE REST OF MY LIFE PHYSCALLY AND MENTALLY DEEPENS WHAT I'M NOW GOING THROUGH THEN I WOULD LIKE TO PASS AWAY IN MY SLEEP!" 

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IF YOU BELIEVE IN FATE, ACCEPT IT WHICH AT THIS MOMENT I DO, THEN DON'T FRET!

I NOW SEARCH FOR THE FAITH TO FOLLOW MY FATE . . . OF WHICH I'VE SEARCHED A LIFETIME FOR!

I FIND MYSELF AS MY YORKSHIRE TERRIER WAS ONCE, GETTING COLD AND LIFELESS AS SEEMS THE WORLD I HAVE KNOWN HAS DISENTIGRATED AROUND ME. I NEED THE LOVE AND DETERMINATION FROM PEOPLE AND THE STRENGTH WITHIN TO CARRY ON!

I WILL WRITE IN MORE DETAIL SOMEDAY ABOUT THE LAST STRAW ON THE CAMEL'S BACK. THOSE OF YOU THAT FOLLOW MY MOST HUMBLE BLOG MIGHT ASK "WHAT CAN BE WORSE THAN DYING FOR A FEW MINUTES AND SURVIVING."

SEEMS MY WISH WAS TEMPORARILY GRANTED. NOW A LIGHTNING BOLT OF CURSE OR BLESSING DEPENDING ON HOW THIS HAND I WAS DEALT TURNS OUT!

YOUR PROBABLY ASKING "HOW CAN ONE GIVE UP AND ASK TO PASS AWAY IN THEIR SLEEP?" I HOPE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THERE AND NEVER DO!

I HAVE BEEN NUMB OF HEART AND MIND RECENTLY, THIS LAST TURMOIL I MUST FACE, DECIDEDLY AT THIS MOMENT PLAYS OUT WITH A HEAVY HEART, MORE SO THAN THE BLOOD CLOT THAT ALMOST KILLED ME.

I CAN AND DID RECOVER FROM THE NEAR DEATH EXPERIENE OF MY HEART STOPPING. ONLY MY FATE WILL MAKE ME RECOVER FROM THE HEAVINESS THAT NOW RESIDES IN MY HEART . . . . .        

A Mind . . . Stuck

I sit here drawing blanks. What can I say, that's not been said before? Apparently nothing! Every day is the same. I seem to be lost in the land of limbo. I sleep, eat, take my many pills, exercise, watch television looking for something to spark my brain. My body is not ready to return to work nor is my mind. I'm stuck in a rut and cannot see beyond, nor wish to look back. I'm existing but need more than that!

I cut myself ever so slightly opening a can of dog food, a tiny cut that would not stop bleeding. Several hours later I check my glucose and could not get enough blood to get a reading. I stuck different fingers a total of four times and not even a drop to get a reading on my glucose monitor. I find that kinda funny, opposites, is me. I am a man of opposites continually opposing ME!

After my recent ordeal with death, for some reason I convinced myself there was a purpose, somehow. Another opportunity to do the same or an opportunity at enlightenment, I wait for the enlightenment, I need the enlightenment otherwise the same as before, as always, will be the death of me.

To always follow the same worn path seems meaningless. Back to the same schedule of working, existing, until death takes me, simply another old man waiting.

I search to explain what is truly on my mind. It seems somewhat shutdown. I tire of thinking, I tire of trying to make sense of any, and all things. I wish for the existing without thought like an assembly line worker that's done the job so long it's automatic. Thinking, making sense where there is no sense seems fruitless. Another day comes, sleep becomes longer, no reason to hurry out of bed.

I'm not asking for any kind of pity. I simply place my thoughts for all to see. Returning to work, to the vast sea of no sense, does not thrill me at all! I know I must, for that's all I've ever known!! 

Late night thinkin' !!!!!

Okay! okay! okay! I've had enough of this shit! I pretty much quit going to W Mart for a number of reasons. I went there last night at 2 AM. They have monopolized the retail industry in many places. I had to check myself out! Duh! I don't want to be a cashier and bag boy! I said "I'm not returning and did  not for a long time.

Over the years you've read many articles about the way they treat there employees. I know nothing about this, luckily I don't work there!

I'm talkin' as customer, former customer! Their just so handy, their the only retail on my side of town. I believe that's the idea run every other store into bankruptcy.

There is no customer service any more! I'm sure we all have had umpteen problems dealing with all types of service.

I'm tired of many things damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Headlines seems for forever have talked about immigration, gay rights, health care, smoking, illegal drugs, legal drugs, the list goes on and on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT nothing is ever done about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When we think of immigration we think of the ones from south of the border. Why, because their extremely poor people trying to earn a living at the lowest pay.

Why not really make a dent on the war on illegal drugs, and invade Mexico, fix the drug problem? Ainna never, gonna happen. Too much money involved, greasing the right wheels, I mean lining the right pockets!

Fix the drug problem and give the poor people jobs!

Nobody is serious about fixing the drug problems!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In my hometown in the Midwest, we have more people from Japan, India, and China doing the technical work as in Engineering and such, more than the poor from Mexico.

The consensus is here in the United States we are not smart enough to do them any more!!!!!!

I find that hilarious as the amount of money being poured into the school systems, education in general, and our I. Q.'s is going into the crapper.

Whaaaaaaaaaaat the fuck be the problem?

Here in my state they want to fund pre-school. I for one say no. We have kinder garden, I do not wish to pay for baby sitting for others. The parents, or the way it is any more, parent must work with their children.

Throwing more and more money is not going to fix the problem. Our Politicians believe in fairy tales, they think money grows on trees, and is printed as needed. Oops that's what their doing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think we ought to take high school graduates and let them be Senators and Congressmen. As far as the Executive Branch, huuuuuum, I gotta think on that one.

I bet you could take sixth graders and do a better job!

All these highly trained monkeys I I I I  I I . . .  mean Politicians.

You know . . .  I don't know what they do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everything they deal with, seems to get more and more screwed up!

YOU KNOW I'VE FINALLY COME TO THE AGE THAT I KNOW N-O-T-H-I-N-G! I FREELY ADMIT IT! WHATS THEIR EXCUSE?

 Oh my . . . my stream of consciousness be a flowin' this AM Sunday morning!

I'M TIRED IN A DIFFERENT WAY THAN WHAT I HAVE TALKED ABOUT IN MANY OF MY PREVIOUS POST. I'M TIRED OF GETTING UP EVERY DAY AND PUTTING MY GAME FACE ON. 

I'M TIRED OF ALL THE BULL ONE MUST WORK THROUGH JUST TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY, ONE WONERS IS IT WORTH IT OR NOT? 

FROM THE SIMPLEST JOB TO THE LEADERS OF ALL LANDS, THE AMOUNT OF CRAP SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Little Asshole!

My Terrier/Jack Russell is faster than I am. I have a fenced in back yard where I let him out, but he slipped through me and got out the other door. Well once in a great while he does manage to do this and he's off a runnin' and a runnin' and all sense he has, runs away, he only knows, just a runnin, a free bird, oopsey free! Last night it is was about 14 degrees, if he would of snuck out, he would not stayed out long, however it's about 40 right now and I cannot get him to come to me. Jack is his name and I rescued him awhile back. He has sense inside, but when he feels the ground under his paws all sense dissipates into ancestor wild dog thing.  ( Little asshole! )

I went outside several times, enticing him to come to me. NOPE. he gotta be who he be, a wild dog fer a spell. FINALLY he decides,   "I best mind or no food for me tonight!"  ( Little asshole! )

The last time he got out I found him growling at two German Shepherds, apparently he don' know his size! I managed to get a hold of him and scowled him all the way home.  ( I doubt he cared at all, felt so good he had to run. )     ((( Little asshole! )))

Once he came home after his run-about, looking like a baby pig in mud. Straight to the rub-a-dub-dub-little-piggy-tub.

Another time during a cold snow he timed the door just right and off on a run-about he goes. I laughed to myself, "he won't be gone long, too darn cold for a run-about."  Sure-nuff, I stayed at the door and about a minute later he came to the door a barkin'.  I asked him "too cold fer ya huh?"  He come in shaking snow off, like a shakin' water off.

But Wait There's More!!!!

GOSH DARN IT!   Once more, I'm at a lost,    ( That sums up me whole life! )  what to write, without the emotional challenges of work, I'm stuck, big time! I don't like it! Surely I'm more than work?

I've never been through such trials of the last couple months, but damn it does do, things to your mind! ( I love that, does do thing, I just did! Does-do, does-do, ah, ha, ha, ha! I've gone completely nuts! )

I would describe the first week of being off as "HUH?" I knew nothing!

Second week was hope, turn despair. Home for a couple days and the side effects of medication saw me returning to a bigger, SMARTER, big city hospital.   "Hallelujah!"

Maybe I best do a short summary for y'all that don't follow me blog regularly.

I was found laying on the floor at work turning blue, a couple friends done C. P. R. until help arrived, I was shocked with defibrillators from the firemen, and in the ambulance on the way to the hospital and again at the hospital, where I was placed on life support, for about four days. I was down for the count, and miraculously recovered. Eight days, many tests and medicines later I was sent home.

BUT wait . . . there's more!

How can I top, coming back?

Sunday after coming home on Thursday I was coughing up blood with small chunks of important inner stuff, and bleeding internally. Another ride in the ambulance but my county hospital sent me to the big city hospital. Well they pumped this here old man's insides with blood, and other good stuff. After another eight day stay, I returned home.   "Ain't no place like home!"  

So after about three weeks into my game of being a Doctors toy, and knock, knock, knocking at death's doors, I return home so weak I could not walk unaided. My energy level was maybe a 5 out of a hundred.

Its been close to eight weeks now, slowly my strength returns. Boredom is sitting in. Please don't feel sorry for me, it was inevitable until my strength is back and complications are resolved.

I paid a visit Friday night to work, breaking up the doldrums, seems it be the same o, same o. I do not miss the crap, but do miss working. Many of my fellow workers talk to me, guess what, it was not good! Compared to what I've been through I feel somewhat stupid mentioning it, but it's true.

I have a feeling this holiday season will be my most memorable since my childhood. Already, I wish to put the tree up, I'm serious. My wife thinks I'm off my rocker but I don't care!

I know I ramble but that's me.

I wish not, to return, to normal, I know not what normal is? If normal is, what I come into contact and work with everyday I wish to stay me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love dreams and a good imagination, that's what I shall live for until the end.

WHAT HAVE I LEARNED?

Enough to write a book, yet meaningless! I have always tried to share in my everyday world, of which I've learned in the college of Hard Knocks!

RAMBLINGS OF AN OLD MAN!

NO! I've not retired from posting. I may be retarded, but have always been! My days are so boring there's nothing that interest me enough to write about. I tire of the same thoughts. Damn I need something, to get mad about, dreams to write about.

I have been depressed for over a week. Why? I'm not rightly sure. Boredom has hit me hard, its more than that. Is it just another one of my bipolar escapades, that always come and go? Probably. Being off work seems to be troubling me. I think to myself,  "I have nothing to be depressed about and really don't think I should after my experiences of the last couple months," well now that doesn't seem to change a thing!!!

I have been depressed many, many, times before, so why should now be any different? Just is! I am regaining my health back slowly, so why should I be depressed?

Am I expecting my life to become different after my taste of beyond? Maybe, seems like it should . . .
somehow!

My sleeping habits and dreams are all messed up. I used to sleep during the day and my dreams were off the dream-o-meter charts. Now I have gone back to normal nighttime sleeping hours. My dreams are mostly gone, rather the remembrance of them the next morning. I always had the most amazing dreams, they seem to, be such an important part of me, dream therapy so to speak.

Possibly the feeling of being unimportant, is taking its toil. I've never been off work for more than vacation time, a few days for illness, or a old person's medical procedures.

Cold weather has hit and snowing as I type, doesn't help the depression any.

WHY AM I DOWN IN THE DUMPS SO TO SPEAK?

Nothing excites me, I don't feel right to feel sorry for myself. I'm earning a full paycheck as I rehabilitate, After over 40 years I've earned that, ah! but that be somewhat hard to take.

The fullness, and the frenzied emotions I sometimes would come home with are gone. Is that all I am? That's so sad if that is the case!

The complexities of life makes me feel alive. The stress factor will kill ya, but without heartfelt emotions to guide our mind and soul are we just a lower form of animal, existing only for survival and reproduction of our species?

Only one thing comes out as I try to type since September 17 of this year. I grow tired of that! I wish to get back to the fun I once had by coming home and letting my mind take me to uncharted territories even for me.

The stream of consciousness must be full of curves, log jams, everything under the sun. It becomes just boring filler like a newspaper if not. I used to love reading the newspaper. I felt informed, I was training my mind to learn something about everything. For out there lies a world to be understood. I felt informed. If it was printed in a newspaper it must be real and news worthy. Then one day I woke up from my self-induced dream of believing in only the good of the mass media. I was a first grader at the age of 50, believing in all the schooling programmed into me. If learned educated people with all these initials behind their names,  "they must know, for I am but a poor old country boy!"

DO I HAVE ENOUGH LEFT IN MY, MIND, BODY, AND SOUL TO GIVE TO ANYBODY, A REASON FOR ME TO CARRY ON INTO EXTRA INNINGS, GIVEN TO ME?

THE SEARCH FOR INTELLIGENCE

My day to day routine is simple, too simple, sleep, take medicine, get some exercise, but be careful to not over do it, rest, visit my mother, basically make every new day a tad better than the day before, as I slowly get back into the flow of life.

My family, especially my wife have been truly wonderful during my period of downtime.

"Downtime," sheesh! I ain't no old machine, that breaks down and needs repairing from time to time!

Well now after a spell of a pondering ( that be a thinkin' ) upon it, I reckon I am an old machine! I've seen better days, but still can putter around and earn my livin', even if I had to walk with a cane!

"""I GOT D-E-T-E-R-M-I-N-A-T-I-O-N"""  (Is that good or bad? )

I'm not a goner, ( dead ) and have some things to prove, if only to myself. When I must stop, then, I'll be a dead for sure. Gotta keep plugging away!  Gonna stoke that old boiler fill with fuel for another go round, yes I am! Shoot for a few more Christmas Holidays, I love riding around looking at the houses all lite up in their finest. Still gives me the same warmth I felt as a kid. The child in me still liveth, I hope it never stops. My mind flashes the child like ways, better than the mind robbing stress of being a adult, with not one fricking thing we can do about it! Newspapers, evening news, news on my home page is all shite!

Apparently the ones in charge of all medias think we're eight year olds!

Where did that come from? I search for intelligence but find STUPIDITY!!!!

I have had plenty of time to kill, I have definitely killed it big time. I search for intelligence inside the boob tube, instead find a show called "Naked and Afraid!"

I search for documentaries and find "The Search for Bigfoot."  (Shaquille O'Neal is retired from basketball, leave him alone,) HAHAHA!

What is it with all these crime, autopsy shows? How many different ways can you show a dead, decaying body?

Reality shows, my ass! I live in reality baby, let them come film me at the factory I work in! It would work as a scared straight program for young ones to stay in school!

Some of these reality shows show millionaires living in mansions. How the hell is poor dumbasses like me supposed to identify with rich ass folks?

Rich ass spoiled women going out to lunch, getting their hair and nails done driving Mercedes. Give us poor folks a break, we drive American cars, shop and get our hair done at Super cuts, for twenty dollars, go to lunch at Taco Bell.

Moonshiners making moonshine in the hills, well golly! I don't give a rats ass!

Don't say too much for the intelligence of the Sheriff Department, who cannot catch them, the show is televised the    Duke's of Hazzard Deputies     can't find them!

I like The Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, Documentaries, shows where I might learn something.
I like a good comedy, please tell me if you find one!!!! Occasionally I'll watch a movie, but the commercials ruin the story for me.

Speaking of commercials, I don't know why anybody would be sick or die! They have medicines that will cure everything, yeah! according to them nobody should ever be sick! After the late night pill pushing commercial, will be a commercial for Lawyers suing the drug industry, wanting you to call them.

DO YOU SEE THE SIDE EFFECTS OF THESE MEDICINES? THE CURE BE WORSE THAN THE AILMENT!      Goodnight, sleep tight, AND DON'T FORGET AN OLD MAN ( THAT BE ME ) HERE ON GLENVIEW. 

CELEBRATE, DANCE TO THE MUSIC!

A big HELLO . . .  my friends of the world. When I began this endeavor of mine, my goal was rather simple, teach myself to type, and a new hobby in my olden days. I could no longer do the physical hobbies I once loved. I'm a modest living humble person, a poor man raised in an even poorer environment with even poorer ancestors.

"How poor?"

Thanks for asking. My grandmother and grandfather on my daddy's side lived off a few acres of land, no indoor plumbing, electricity. They grew their food, canned for winter, raised animals and hunt for survival. I know seems so unbelievable by the modern standards of my generation. We here in my country are spoiled, this still goes on in much of the world.

DAMN, I have no idea where me meandering is going, just a talkin' to you, my friends. I have no control over me mind once my fingers start to walk upon my keyboard. However I sometimes get a real kick out of where I go!

I'm a Scorpio and soon I'll celebrate another birthday. Its not the number of candles that matter, it's the being around, to blow them suckers out, that's what I be a talkin' about!  HALLELUJAH! brothers and sisters!

I MAY DO ME SOME   T-E-S-T-I-F-Y-I-N-G TONIGHT, UM-HUH!

As a child my family worshiped God at a little country church, of the Pentecostal persuasion, where testifying was a regular part of the service. Humm? I wonder if y'all know what I be a talkin' about? Testifying is like a soul cleansing, where you stand up and give thanks to God, it gives the congregation a real inner high as they get involved, sayin'  "Amen"  when they feel what the one that be a testifying is all about, sometimes it becomes really spiritual.
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                A TESTIFYING IN THE LITTLE COUNTRY CHURCH  (EXAMPLE)

        Every church service was different. The same people mostly show up, except during revivals. Back then there was Sunday morning, service, Sunday night service, and Wednesday night services. It most certainly was not a one day a week celebrating for these fellowship ones. Ah fellowship that to me is a very important word.

        Singing of the spiritual kind, "well what other kind of singing is there?" Reading without feelings from a hymn book ainna, spiritual. Spiritual be when you feel in your soul baby!!!

        A testifying, is the same thing, your heart and soul is felt by all in attendance. Brother James be a testifying, Amen's and Hallelujah's are heard, because the worshipers , FEEL . . . his pain, heartfelt belief in a higher power! Sometimes the emotional testimonial will be felt throughout the tiny church and singing will begin, all will stand and sing with all their hearts. It's a feeling of joy to all, indescribable to ones that have never attended such spiritual moments. It is a cleansing of the heart! The fellow worshipers powerful emotions bring the spiritual moments to such highs, no amount of preaching can top the testimonials.

        It's all about the love of people worshiping a higher power, unknown, not understood, in all the other churches I have visited in my lifetime!

        Simple people have simple ways. It does not take a cathedral to worship. The spirit comes from within, not from a man in a robe looking all divine. The spirit of God is everywhere and within. You see it in the sun, the moon, the water, the mountains, everywhere you look my friends, please don't be fooled by of how high the cross atop the cathedral reaches. For it is how deep it settles in your heart!

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I BE A THANKING ALL THE PRAYERS, AND ALL THE PLAYERS, THAT ALLOWS THIS HUMBLED, OLD MAN TO WRITE TO YOU TONIGHT. A POWER BEYOND ALL POWERS HAS GIVEN ME RENEWED TIME, ENERGY, STRENGTH, TO CARRY ON.

A HUG OR KISS IS CHERISHED WITH ENERGY FLOWING BOTH WAYS. IT'S GREAT!

THE SMELL OF COFFEE A BREWIN' FIRST THING IN THE MORNING MEANS THANKS FOR ANOTHER DAY!

SUNSHINE ON MY FACE IS LIFE'S FUEL!

WALKING, WITHOUT A CANE IS DEVINE!

A RIDE THOUGH THE COUNTRYSIDE, REFRESHES MY SOUL TO THE VERY DEPTH!

PETTING MY OLD DOG SITTING ON MY LAP, RENEWETH THE CHILD IN ME, THOUGHT LONG GONE!

CHILDREN PLAYING, LAUGHING, HEAVEN ON EARTH!

THANKS FOR BEING GIVEN ANOTHER BIRTHDAY, THANKSGIVING, AND THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE, ANOTHER CHRISTMAS TO CELEBRATE WITH FAMILY, AND THE MEANING OF THE HOLIDAY!

((( I do remember a couple times in the last few years, thinking to myself as my body rebels trying to sleep.  "If this is it, then I want to go to sleep and never wake up!" )))

I LOOK BACK AT THAT THOUGHT NOW!  I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS, BUT TO CELEBRATE AND DANCE TO THE MUSIC OF MY SOUL. I'M NOT HERE TO TELL ANY ONE HOW TO LIVE, BUT LIVE IT WITH, JOY, PASSION, AND COMMITMENT TO WHAT YOU BELIEVE, NOT WHAT OTHERS BELIEVE FOR YOU!!!!!!   Your old pal Glen, until we meet again!

Extra Innings!

It feels as if the holidays are already amongst us. I feel the holidays in my soul, a soul rejuvenated for whatever lies ahead. Be whatever happens, I've went beyond the game, now playing extra innings. The score be 0 to 0, and I'm a winning!    "HUH?" 

That there ol' Grim Reaper ainna, smiling as I cheated death. I been a thinkin', way-y-y too much after that realization hit me, I should not be here right now continuing Glenview fer y'all out there. I continue to learn more, and most amazing facts from people I barely know, behind the scenes adding more facts to the fact, I should, not be here.

How the hell can I put that thought into words? Seems quite impossible, and IS! As time goes by I hope it comes more into focus. Wow! Wouldn't that be wonderful to have, and know your mission in life.

I always believed I could see things others overlook, or chose, not to see! Most of the time it's a curse!

A million little things, over a lifetime wears one down. Why can I see not, hear not, know not?

Tomorrow, the next day, and from here on out, I want to define me.

My lifetime of living, and momentarily dying, I wish it not to be for nothing. If our life is written before we're born, and we must ride out our predetermined wave, then a reason must lie there. I only pray my life has been for nothing, and if I can make a difference somehow, someway, then miracles happen everywhere, all the time, and all miracles do not happen, only on 34 th street.

I know right now that ones have gone beyond the call of duty to bring this fat old man back, from a permanent leave of absence. The ones at work saved me, my life. Given C. P. R. by heroes breathing life back into me, giving me, a fighting chance until the first responders arrive. The firemen arrived ahead of the ambulance, luckily here in my town they carry defibrillators, wasn't always the case. They hit me until the ambulance medics arrive.

The firemen hit me a couple times, then the medics hit me a couple times. I was transported to my county hospital where the defibrillator was used again. The number of times I was shocked varies in all the excitement.

DON'T MATTER NOW THOUGH, AS I BE ALIVE AND KICKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I walk through work once again today, to dis-spell the heeby-geebees of returning, and for exercise. I wish to place the thought of me lying on the floor, out of my mind to keep the suspense, and the fear away, just returning will be a huge accomplishment.

I WISH TO PLAY EXTRA INNINGS AND THINK ALL, FOR MAKING IT SO!

You Shall Remember!

Out and about on this November day, must do something as boredom tries getting the best of me. A light rain and a cloudy day doesn't help my doldrums in the least. Hey, don't get me wrong I'm not complaining that's just where my mind be at this moment. I can shake this loose by writing or taking a little ride, or visiting my mother. I shall wallow only briefly in the emotions of boredom compared to where I was only a few weeks ago!

My mind is ready to return to work, yet my body lingers several weeks behind. I need a trip to the sunshine state to break my funk, walk the beach, feel the warm sand betwixt my toes, perhaps I shall dream of this tonight. Oh yeah --- I'd, like that!

Will I return to the normality of my former self? God! I hope not! I wish to simply shrug off, and will away the stupidity of realty, in the realness of my world.  ( Damn that actually makes sense as I reread it, sha-zam baby! )

((( Maybe my sense of humor returneth, yee-haw I hope so, being too serious is hard on me! )))

The little world I have grown accustom to seems larger after my two visits to two different hospitals.  You know all embarassments are left at the front door as you're stuck, poked in every place, even places you didn't realize you had places. Luckily some good meds are in your I. V.'s.

As I grow older my world is smaller, don't want all the hassles of an earlier age. When your young you do as young ones do, but when your hair gets thinner and ever continually grayer, you wish for a recliner that has years of customizing to your tired old body, a remote. a glass of tea that never runs out and your old dog to nap on your lap.

The world re-invents itself to the next generation, good or bad in your eyes don't mean shit! The tiredness of your soul, is meant to be. Let them make the mistakes, learning from them and move forward. It's not your fault or calling as you have been there, done that. Time reflects the wisdom of some, the inability of some to reach their potential, the riff-raff, the ones that are carried by others. After all it's nothing new is it.

To rise above all the lame-brained atrocities of life, to live to see the ever increasing life span expanded is what senior citizens is all about, retire to the southern states and ride around in your motorized chair and golf carts!

As you watch the sunsets, the small trials that loomed ever so large of years passed will not be remembered. When you take your last breath, you shall remember you always gave your best!!!

Another Chapter

I've been struggling with posting, I sit down and nothing happens. Yesterday my remembrance of my dreams returned, that's a very good sign for me because I get lost, and the emotions I encounter is what keeps me . . . ME!  I believe more than anything else in my life without the comfort they provide I would be a different person. They fuel my imagination and my imagination cup runneth over. Man I love it!

Visited work for the first time since my? Damn, what do I call it? Brush with whatever lies beyond. The man that gave me chest compressions was excited to see me up and walking, the last time he seen me I was blue and laying on the cement. Tears formed in his eyes as he gave me a big hug, it was an emotional and beautiful moment.

Listening him describe the exact moments of which I know nothing about was surreal! I continue to hear and understand more and more as I merge back into reality from the opposite of where I have been. I lost several days of life in a way I wish not on anyone. Bits and pieces are slowly filling in, seems I've had an out of body experience and learning about it through the eyes of others. I continue learning, for example I was reviewing paperwork from the second hospital I had an eight day stay in. I had pneumonia in addition to all the other problems. All I can say is it's amazing if I dwell upon the whole scenario, and does not seem real.

I tire of talking about it, but how else do I work through it and return to myself of old, perhaps my dreams returning will do the trick.

I search for humor, but temporarily it eludes me.

I search for wisdom, but am confused.

I search for the strength to carry on.

I search for inner peace to guide me through another chapter.

If in life, there lies a purpose to my journey, I search for that road that will carry me, from here on out.

GOOD NIGHT MY FRIENDS, SWEET DREAMS UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN.   GLEN

I WILL . . . I MUST . . .

Good afternoon, the weather has dropped from 80 degrees on Monday. At this moment it's 40 on what should be the warmest time of the day here on Friday Halloween day. a cold rain makes it even worse as temperatures are expected to get below freezing tonight.

Why am I talkin' weather? Ya see, the weather and this here old boy have a heap in common, yes we do! Don't know when we'll be full of sunshine or cold and dreary! wow . . . can't believe I said that! These last few warm sunny days have had some inner healing to this here old soul, hallelujah!!! The warm rejuvenation is getting me closer to a healthful body.

While my body continues to heal, my thoughts return to how do I cope with returning to work in about a month or so? I'm more concerned with that than all the medical problems I've faced recently. The problems I encountered everyday, I'm sure haven't gone away.

While I believe my heart can withstand the daily bullshit, by the way my heart shows no blockage, ain't that a hoot, hell that's worth ten hoots and a ringy-din-ding!

That is a miracle in itself, considering the normal lifestyles we all face in this fast foods from hell world.

I am, as I is, meaning can people really change? I don't think so!

As I recuperate from the grasp of death I shall fear only myself, but that baby is the problem! I have more mental and physical conditions at this moment than I can count. "Well I'll be durn!" What's a man to do that has worked every since he was old enough to push a mower?

Has the five days on life support taught me anything, the two hospital stays all the poking and prodding?

I have been gone from work long enough to know I'm not the same man and never will be again. I don't wish to be! If we learn from what life throws us, then I have to, of changed, right?

Still old habits are hard to break. The lifetime of creation, of how I face the daily grind and my unwillingness to accept the ways of changes, good or bad must be dealt with. After all I'm only one old fat fart! I no longer have the fire in me belly to fight. Ainna, gonna, happen baby! I have lived long enough and experienced the good, bad, the intelligent and the stupid. Won't change! Therefore I must change, give less, care less.

While I nurse myself back to health, controlling my environment, it seems simple. Not so says Gleno! Little irritating problems become super irritating, dealing with Doctors, Hospitals, Pharmacy, and so on and so forth, ya see. Right now my wife has been handling this and still its irritating to me because the simple problem becomes blown out of proportion the more it is dealt with, too many people, too many computers, its down right asinine!

So am I to return to my same old environment with the same old problems and face them differently????????????????????????????????????????????????????

How does one change a lifetime of being me?

"Hey Doc give me some I don't give a shit pills!"

The work I can handle, the keeping my eyes closed and seeing nothing that happens around me is my downfall.

I WILL . . . I MUST . . . OR . . . GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE AND RETIRE BABY, YET THAT WOULD BE A SLOW DEATH FOR ONE WHO ONLY KNOWS WORK AND BEING WHOM I AM!

Moonshiners And MORE!!!

Hello its me, seems I've been gone for a long, long time. I wish to write something funny, that's what I prefer. Since I haven't been to work for about six weeks, I have nothing funny nor upsetting to talk upon. Wow, does work affect me that much, apparently so. My current situation finds me in a very laid back, peaceful, controlled environment.

I paid a visit to an old Bud of mine whom I've not talked to in about a year he is my age and also had a heart attack about a year ago. It was rather fun in a weird way to talk about such facts with him. He is doing well. He actually had surgery where I was lucky no cutting on me just several strange and most unexpected complications which lead yours truly, to two hospital stays in different hospitals. Those of you that read my blog regularly know of my problems so I won't rehash them. By the way my Buddy is writing a book with a very interesting story line. I look forward to reading it.

I've been enjoying the sunshine getting me some natural vitamins from our father Sun. It warms me through and through and revitalizes my white hospital stay complexion. I know why the hospitals are always white. As long as your complexion is not as white as the walls you'll make it!

I slowly feel my body returning to normal. I'm bored to death but not ready for the rat race to return. I must have a new attitude to keep me straight at work when I return. Can I do it? Well I'll shall see! I must tone my way of working and mindset, wow seems soo easy don't it?

Ya see, I have unfinished business, within myself. Simple yet important to me.

Since tests show my heart sound, why retire? Should a little blood clot stop me from working well, let's examine this a mite closer. What are the chances of me passing out again? Slim, most likely! I'm on medicine to keep this from happening.

If I'm healthy enough to work why not? I've worked all my life, it seems as normal as an omelet for breakfast. If I don't eat my cheese omelet will my tiny world fall apart? I know nothing but work! Right now my life is boring, as I recover for, if nothing else but enough health to return to work. I don't want to sit around and watch the boob tube, winter is near, what's a poor boy to do?

I wish not to return to the same environment, yet part of that I miss, I enjoyed it, it be a catch 22 heah??? I love the endorphin effect of satisfying myself and pushing my mind, body, and spirit to new levels. Achievement and simple successes are what keeps this old country boy alive!

ONE MIGHT SAY I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING SHORT OF A MIRACULOUS RECOVERY FROM BEING PASSED OUT ON A COLD CEMENT SLAB AND SHOCKED BACK TO LIFE SEVERAL TIMES! BRAIN DAMAGE FROM LACK OF OXYGEN WAS A REAL THREAT!

To come back from such an ordeal, to merely sit on the sofa, and watch Reality shows ain't for me baby! I know nothing else but manual labor. I struggle with writing a post without the human environment of ideas which all my posts come from. My dreams are gone, hopefully they'll return.

I do have a new idea, I have been watching documentaries of which I love and some of these newer reality shows I've seen. I thought about reviewing them and adding my thoughts and humor like this one I'll write about called "Moonshiners".

                                                        MOONSHINERS

All of us have heard stories about moonshiners, haven't we? Apparently it still is a big business, of that I don't fully understand. why? People still brew this alcohol of 140 proof. Still a big market for it so they run the risk of going to jail. Their stills are placed in wooded areas around water. The Appalachian Mountain area is where this program is being filmed with camera crews following these moonshiners. Ain't that such a fucking hoot that camera crews are actually there, I cannot get over that one fact!

Theses moonshiners are a different breed, outlaws as such, proud to make a living brewing hooch. I suppose the life in the Appalachian Mountains is reclusive with individuality that helped make America. I try to understand but cannot because I live too far away from these mountains. I do not, from my humble upbringing and poor country roots where my grandparents on m father's side lived off the land in a poor county independent of electricity, running water and all modern conveniences, I would visit as a child, they did not know any other life. To be able to live in such an environment is too much realization to the world of today.

I have respect for ones able to live such hard life BUT . . . I HAVE ALWAYS LIVED BY THE LAW AND THE RULES THEREOF.

I remember as a child watching a movie I believe called "Tobacco Road". with Robert Mitchum. I was fascinated by it and as always believe movies are based on some facts and a lot of Hollywood.

Another amazing fact is that the moonshiners built such fast cars, beefing the frame up to hold the extra weight become the forerunners of Nascar.  These true life moonshine racers would find a cornfield on weekends and make their own racetracks.

Independence, ingenuity, outlaw behavior is fascinating and what has made America, AMERICA!
The minutemen in the war for independence from the British was crucial in the freedom for all!

I'm getting a tad sidetracked but that independence mindset still lives today here in the Appalachian Mountains, I'm convinced of that!

"I DON'T THINK SO!!!"

My,---screaming of consciousness thing, is screaming!  ( ha ha! ) Haven't been writing much, my stream needs emptying! Don't know where my mind is right now, so I'll just sit down and do the stream of consciousness thing. I sat outside in the warm sunshine, man felt good! I've been cold for several weeks now, I suppose my tired old body is trying to turn back the clock with a self-tune up along with the assistance of modern medicine, of which I'm takin' a plenty, 'bout now! I'm not looking forward to my two hospital bills! Good thing I have insurance, huh?

At 72 degrees I could not help myself after a nice ride in the country, I place my lawn chair directly in the sunlight and took off my shirt. Man . . . where did all theses bruises and such on my chest come from? DAH!!! Oh yeah, now I remember it wasn't a bad dream it was REAL BABY! Talk about a reality show! The sun warmed me body and mind, how long should I stay out here?

Talking about reality shows, ah oh, here I go! Since I was confined to the bed during most of my fun time in the hospitals, I dared to turn on the television, yes I did! The shows I come across made me sicker than I already was! OCCASIONALLY. . .  I would run across enlightening, documentary or interesting programs, an occasional movie or old series of my younger years.

SHEESH!!!!! Who the hell produces such crappola as there is on this shit, what ever you wish to call these reality, stupid, fucking, brain lowering trash. I had NO IDEA there was so many, moron programs on. I ran across one from a family I believe was in West Virginia. I watch about five minutes, I was a thinkin'  "is this for real or a joke?" Yeah! I kid you not! A family doing what families do. Why would anyone want to watch me and my family doing our daily living? After about ten minutes I realized it was for real! A REAL REALITY show about REAL everyday nincapoops like me as a television show. How REAL is that, a REAL show featuring what could be our next door neighbors. REALITY at its finest, I must say!

Do I care to watch people on my 42 inch big screen, doing what I could just step out into my yard and watch in full panoramic spectacular.    "I DON'T THINK SO!!!"

Watch Mary Ann Joe Moron text on her pink phone al afternoon!   "I DON'T THINK SO!!!"

Billy Bob has one of them Dodge trucks, jacked up high, but cannot drive it because he won't work to buy gas. He sits around it all day admiring it from the ever changing shade.   "I DON'T THINK SO!!!"

Daddy Leroy Bob works at the factory making automotive parts, then hangs out at the Wagon Wheel Bar and Grill until time for bed, then drunkingly drives home to his pure all American family of misfitting mismatched misfits from his three wives. Yeah, his two first wives run off!   "I DON'T THINK SO!!!"

His third wife Big Bertha drove a truck for twenty years, them hurt her back. Now she eats oxy-cotins and takes care of Leroy's young-ins.   "I DON'T THINK SO!!!"

A REALLY REAL REALITY PROFRAM WOULD OF BEEN TO FOLLOW ME AROUND FOR ABOUT FOUR WEEKS, STARTING WITH MY FALLING ON THE CEMENT FLOOR AND LAY THERE DYING. BABY!!!  THAT BE REEAALL! THEM THERE ONES GIVING ME CHEST COMPRESSIONS UNTIL THE PARAMEDICS CAN SHOCK MY ASS TO PERT-NERT SOMEWHERE'S NEAR NORMAL!  

(((I don't wanna go back to normal, I wanna be smart or somethun you see! ))) 

NOW WHERE WAS I? OH YEAH! LYING ON THE COLD HARD CEMENT FLOOR AT WORK NOT BREATHING AND TURNING PURPLE, THEN THEM PARAMEDICS SHOCK MY BIG ARSE, NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE BUT THREE TIMES!

(((Musta got a new un, they were a chomping at the bit to try it out, yep that makes sense! )))

I WAS TOLD THEY LITE ME UP TWO MORE TIMES IN THE TWENTY MINUTE RIDE TO THE COUNTY HOSPITAL, AND ONCE MORE INSIDE THE HOSPITAL.

I LAY FOR ABOUT FIVE DAYS UNAWARE OF ANYTHING, HAD ME ON SOME GOOD MEDS I'D RECKON! I AWAKE FROM THE WARMTH OF THE DRUG INDUCED STUPOR TO . . . "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!!" WHITE WALLS WITH PEOPLE TREATING ME LIKE A PIN CUSHION,   "PUT ME BACK TO WHERE I WAS!"   SO AFEW DAYS OF TEST, NEEDLES, AND SUCH THEY SEND ME HOME.

(((( BUT NO, THERE'S MORE!!! )

AFTER THREE DAYS I'M COUGHING UP BLOOD, AND IMPORTANT INSIDE STUFF. I'M SENT TO THE BIG CITY HOSPITAL FOR RE-RE-PAIRING. UMM . . . I BE IN WORSER SHAPE THAN BEFORE, WELL NOT REALLY, I WAS LAYING ON THE COLD HARD FLOOR OF LIFE NOT BREATHING!

Well, you see where I was a going with this. This here be a """REAL""" baby!

One . . . against, the world!!!

I sit here enjoying the warmth of the fall day, inside my mountaineer, waiting, yes just . . . waiting. I feel like a bug, as snug as can be, awakened from my winters nap. To appreciate one must understand, one must experience a once in a lifetime challenging, life altering, scene. The canvas becomes more vivid with each passing day. Pieces of the most unrealistic dire situation are slowly put together from others around you in your time of need. A dream, a nightmare, no realty. How can one lose many days of no memory? It cannot be possible! In this drug induced sleep there lies no pain, for the best, I'm now certain. A blank chapter of my life, but I hear from others I was still somewhat there. Most interesting as I search for data of that time, I find nothing. So where and what was I? There is a picture my brother took of me sitting in a chair, that can't be me! How can one not remember a few days, yet communicate the basics, like hot, cold, drink, sit up? Recognize no family members as they sit by my side, never leaving me alone. Ahh! Thankfully I an old fat man was not forgotten! Possibly I opened my eyes and found comfort, not in the white sterile walls that held me, but in the caring loving faces. The drug induced foray into an almost, other world, new beginning, or darkness, was delayed through love, and their many prayers.     

The colors of the fall mums are more so. The beautiful pictures posted on a friends blog are spectacular, like the fireworks of fourth of July! A family's member hug is much needed warmth to an old tired heart, charging that sucker like nothing else. A few weeks ago it was jolts of electricity sent through an worn, tired, tiring of life to restart my vessel. Now the love returneth, as does the zest of living. We live every day in our own zone, a zone of existing in the hustle, bustle world of daily oneness. We do what we must to get through another day, there's always tomorrow! Is that so? We're all so different in our mindset of what life's enjoyments are. We are trapped in a survival mode. The cavemen faced daily death in purely surviving, food, shelter and such. We modern worker bees, face so much more.

The strains of life today kill us as surely as the big sabre tooth tiger of the caveman. Our strains of life begin early, and much more are heaped on as, we grow. I recognize mine, now more than ever as I reflect back. How can we change the past? WE CANNOT! The past is etched at the top of the new blank paper we begin the rest of our life on! The story of the past has been wrote, the story of what time we have left is to be placed on the new, blank page. Ain't that a hoot!!! 

The challenge will be the hardest ever to face. To go back to familiar ground and fall back to a lifetime of learned poor behaviors cannot be done. The mindset of a new me MUST be recognized and dealt with quickly. Yes, has to be that way.

What percentage of alcoholics, drug addicts, the list goes on and on, want to change but fail. Sad am I right. We are one against the world it seems.

Good or Bad?

There is this thought I've been pondering on for quite some time. I cannot seem to wrap it up in a nice, tight, simple, package. Oh well, that's probably is the same as the way I write, so I think I'll meander around, and let the stream of consciousness thing have a go at it.

First off, it's important to remember I have a wonderful imagination, always have and value that along with my dreams as keeping me balanced and somewhat normal throughout my life.

I've mot read any of the Harry Potter books, and believe them so immensely popular many young ones that never read books probably did read this series, and I think that's great! I did watch the first Harry Potter movie and found it delightfully charming. On television last week they played the entire series and  I watched some of all the movies.

The books and movies have been overwhelming successful, well beyond what anyone could of ever imagined. This has created a never ending onslaught of similar books and movies per my belief as the money takes over. This has also carried over to television in a big way!

My question is, has the books and sequels of the many other ones that jumped on that long, long bandwagon been good or bad for the forming minds of the past generation or two?

Just a lollygagging!

I've been home about 8 days, slowly my strength is returning. My sister has been staying with me while my wife works. Seems most unusual as she goes off to work and I'm at home. Haven't had any caffeine nor sugar since the heart attack, Blood pressure is running the best its ever been, around 120 over 70. I'm cold all the time wearing a sweatshirt in the house.

Cold dreary days of fall are among us, trees are turning their individual colors, beauty of the season, changes are here.

I want to write something funny, yet seems I'm not quite ready yet. I feel good mentally, it will come as I get back in the swing of things, maybe an unusual word will pop in my somewhat back to whatever NORMAL is! I know not normal, never have, never will, don't want to! For if normal is what some of the nin-ca-poops I've seen them I wish to stay me, a poor country boy.

I think I'll try my meditation thing, close my eyes and let a word or thought come to me. Trouble is I may go to sleep, that'll be okay maybe a dream will give me something to write about, sooo here goes.

Nothing coherent, but that's me isn't it. Maybe normalcy of me is returning?

How about LOLLYGAG?

Well I see lolli as in lollipop. I see gag as in there is a gag order for keeping his mouth shut, or the lollipop broke free of the stem and almost gagged old Glen.

Old Glen lollygagged too long in the hospital and now he is not worth a shit!  (Yep that a good one! ) Lollygag also means dawdle.

Dawdling about on a cold winter's day accomplishes nothing, but sure feels good.

Drew and Sue dawdle about and are late to school everyday.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Today I watched as my sister and her husband cleaned my gutters and mow my grass. I may have learned a secret here!  While sitting in the 70 degree sunshine, I watch as work is being dome. Huumm . . . I like it. All it cost me was Lasagna!

Haven't learned anything in the last month, except this here old man be stress free. I LIKE IT!

Haven't read a newspaper in a month, please tell me what I've missed!

You know I had an interesting thought today. I'm qualified for full Social Security benefits at 67, would they consider someone who was dead and shocked back to life a few times, eligible for full disability benefits?

My sister and I went grocery shopping today, she didn't think I was strong enough! I had a plan ya see. I had her let me out at the door and I waited on her. I pushed the grocery cart for balance. I've progressed from one of them walkers to one of them 4 toed canes to be able to move around the house un-aided. That's quite a feat, BELIEVE ME!!! in just a few weeks.

There I go get windy, (Oh yeah Glen Bob returneth!)

One of my favoritiest (meant to) sayings is "plan your work and work your plan." I had me a plan at the grocery store. Since my sister was unfamiliar, and I knowsa where everythang be, I stopped at certain spots and let her be my legs.

We took a ride through the countryside on a beautiful sunshiny day, umm, umm, umm, wonderbar! (yep meant to!)

Well back home we made some Lasagna. She said, "I've never made Lasagna before!"

I replied "really, old Glen is a gonna show you!' We made some mighty fine Lasagna and I sent some home with her. On the menu for Monday is a jello cake.

My momma showed me how to cook when I was but a tadpole. My first job was at a restaurant with my great aunt, she taught me more about cooking, and that hobby has lasted all my life. Just one of many hobbies I used to have, but as we age seems the hobbies slow down. We're in too big a hurry and buy fast food, yep we're all guilty!

I'M TIRED AND MUST GO TO BED UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN!  Glen

The Wind of Death

The death wind blows about, its mighty sword, a tryin' to cut me down!

Although the death wind is mighty, it was up against life.

Seemingly too late the miracle paddles shock back the dying lifeless figure lying on the cold cement of near underground.

Once, twice, the third times the charm, as the heart restarts. Life returns.

Can the damage be repaired, has the brain oxygen's supplied been deprived too long?

Only time will tell.

Ahh! Time . . . a wonderful thing, only . . . if you see it with renewed vigor!

Time to reflect through different glasses.

To see where you are, where you've been, and NOW . . . where you want to be!

Where to go, certainly is not the past!

The future is MINE you see!

More Of The Golden Light

It's Sunday morning, had a good nights rest and the best breakfast of my life! Getting a mite stronger every day, and my balance is returning.

I love the television series House. I view it in a different light now, even though a few shudders of hospital shots are still too real. It's the character himself that has always intrigued me as he battles himself as much as the curing of the patients. No matter how smart, we all have inner demons and our own way of battling them.

I have not read, nor watched the news in a long time, somehow I don't believe I've missed a thing. I'm positive the same-o, sane-o, bad news is much the same, right? Weather has turned from warm to the crisp coolness of fall. Overcast skies now prevails. After all it's that time, you know.

I'm cold all the time now, as my body tries to re-regulate itself. Medicines and my chronic anemia will improve with time. My mental faculties seem to be de-cobwebbing with writing on this blog, the first blog back was a real challenge, seemed like forever since I had caressed the keyboard. Hope to get some normality, and my sense of humor a going again.

Time seems on my side at this moment of life, time to heal, time to reflect, time to live in possibly ways I've not lived before. Peace rules my mind and soul, the likes of which like never before.

                                                The Golden Light

I'll retell what happened to me in the hospital, was it a vision, a dream or was it real?

While in my local hospital in the intensive care unit, I believe I opened my eyes and at the foot of the bed on my left side was a young well tanned long dark haired woman in her early twenties, opposite her at the foot of my bed was a tall brown, short haired man. Nothing unusual about this. I could see their faces in the light. They were looking directly at me. A light, a beautiful golden light was glowing from behind them, directly behind their heads and stopped at their shoulders.

This happened almost three weeks ago, I remember it as vividly as the moment it happened. I've told this story to my family and they were in awe. They also told me there was no lighting on that side of the room, all the lighting was above my head.

Let's look at the possibilities here.

Possibly a dream, I remember nothing else during the five days of incubation, I was under much medicine.

Could I have come to, just for a few seconds and hallucinated this scene Certainly possible! 

Was it real? Certainly seemed real! Since that day I have spent almost 12 days in that hospital and the best in my state 50 miles north, nothing happened like that again. Mind you I was on a lot of medicine as I was out for about 2 days there.

So how do I explain this beautiful golden light behind two young Angels or Nurses or visions. I truly cannot, and that's what makes it so miraculous to me! All I can say is that at that moment of reality, or visions a peace came over me, I'm still carry it, 3 weeks later.

If you believe in Angels, then be it so.

I do believe in dreams, and my dreams are so real, they are real to me.

I've never seen a vision, if it was, it was so beautiful, I shall carry it till the day I die.

I want you to make of this what you will.

I know what I felt, and that's what I'll carry. I felt love, peace, no pain. YES I DO, BELIEVE SOMETHING SPECIAL WAS MEANT TO BE, AND I'LL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL FOREVER!!!  

ONE MORE MOST INTRIGUING FACT, AND I FIND IT A MIRACLE ALL TO ITSELF. WHEN AWAKING FROM THE DRUG INDUCED SLEEP, I FELT NO PAIN, I HAVE FELT NO PAIN EVEN AS I WRITE THIS.  THERE HAS BEEN DISCOMFORT FROM ALL THE PROCEDURES AND NEEDLES AND SUCH. RIGHT NOW AS I TRY FINISHING THIS POST, I'M TIRED TERRIBLY TIRED. I'VE BEEN UP BUT 5 HOURS BUT EXHAUSTION IS NIPPING AT MY HEELS. I GIVE YOU MY BEST UNTIL, NEXT TIME.

DEEP WATER!

The soul is snatched from the body in the blink of an eye. It now lies at the bottom of a cavern of total darkness, filled with water. Nothing is here, no movement of the deep water, no sound, no light, no life. A place like none other. Why am I here? Confusion reigns. The soul feels nothing of the cold but longs for the body it once inhabited. The body it once shared had been home for a long, long, time. For five dark, lonely days it lay there at the bottom of the deep water. Then it begins to rise slowly at first, then increases seemingly with a purpose. It spews out the side of the mountain over boulders of a sun drenched purifying stream. Just as quickly as it left the body it's back in the old man. The body jumps as the spirit of the man is whole once again. The eyes open and new life begins. Not the life of a newborn, the life of a new chapter, given. Family is there loving smiling faces a glow with the meaning of life itself.   FOR IT'S NOT TO QUESTION, BUT TO ENJOY. ONES GIVEN A SECONND CHANCE SHOULD LIVE IT TO THE FULLEST AND NEVER FORGET THE DEEP WATER OF NO LIFE.

NUTSHELL

I have been through highs and lows recently. I know that sounds so simple and corny, but in ways believe me you don't want to experience! I have  so many things to talk upon and will simply return to my rambling style hoping to get it out. It seems I have a large puzzle piece inside wanting to come out. It's all garbled without coherency, more so from lack of full understanding of the last few weeks. Almost daily Doctor visits have got my body stable and looking to the future of which GlenView will be an integral part of. I have many short stories come to me while I wait away the hours to recovery. Short stories are my favorite but takes more time. I 'll have the time during recovery, and hopefully will get my little used mind of the last month. I pushed myself a tad hard today, visited my mom for a few hours, having a real good time, but then my copper top body went _______ . Time for nappy pooh for me. My mother is 84 and four of us played a card game called 500 rum and she scorched our asses.

I appreciate all the little overlooked details now with great love and appreciation. We take the simplicity of our daily life as forever. it ain't baby! I lost 30 pounds in three weeks. One hell of a diet, I must say! Doubt it will get me anywhere as a diet fad though! Haven't had any caffeine in a month. Blood pressure is as low as its ever been in my life.

"What have I learned?"

"Excellent question, sure glad you asked?

All the warnings, good advice hit me smack dab! Simple yet sure, absolutely no one can understand unless you've been there, AND will, the powerful hit in the noggin sink deep enough to alter the rest of your life? I certainly hope so!

It's as hard on family members as it is you. They become your rock. Solid, caring, whatever it takes to get you well. The love of family is, and stays unquestionable! Ain't that great!!!

I have took a small step forward everyday since coming home Monday. Doesn't seem like much but believe me it is!

Someone once asked me, "do you know how to eat an elephant?" Certainly a strange question!

The answer, "one bite at a time." There sits the road to my recovery, one rehabilitation exercise, one step, one good thought, one day at a time. This adventure in blogging will reign at the top, for I missed it dearly!    

TO ALL MY FRIENDS OUT THERE, I WISH YOU PEACE, FOR THE STRESS INSIDE IS THE REAL KILLER, AND HOW YOU LEARN TO DEAL WITH IT, IS LIFE ITSELF, IN A NUTSHELL!!!            Glen . . . .

HOSPITALS, AND HEART ATTACKS! YEP!

Hello, my friends, and I truly mean that! I have been totally out of since the 17 th of September. I had a heart attack about 5:30 p m. I was found at work turning purple. I was given chest compressions until the ambulance arrived. On the way to the hospital, I was shocked back twice, At the hospital I was shocked again, so technically, I suppose, this old man was entering into the someplace else zone three times. ( My own twilight zone!) Now I remember none of this! For several days I lie with a machine keeping this old fart alive, and of course I remember none of this! The tube was removed and me body kick started, like a good but, old Harley Davidson motorcycle. I regained consciousness fully perplexed, mind fog . . . I'd reckon! Even while been told what had happened, it did not seem real. I had nothing to go on, my mind had been shut down. At this point I had been at the local hospital for five days. A battery of test are administered on me. Luckily, no heart damage! A blood clot put old Glen down. The worry was I may have brain damage. You may judge for yourself, while I try returning to myself! I was given blood thinner medicine, a few more days and I was sent home.

BUT WAIT . . . THERE'S MORE . . . MUCH MORE TO THIS STORY!!!  YES THERE IS!

I was home at home a couple days when things took a turn for the worse.  ( I know you're sayin' to your self, " how can it get much worse?")

I begin coughing up blood and continually got worse, I was coughing up small pieces of what appeared to me of very important inner lung. I was burning up, as my body was fighting once again. Another ambulance ride to the hospital. The local county hospital thought it best I was transferred to the big city hospital. There are no beds available, I must wait! After about six hours of seemingly, a week long, I received the worst ride of my life. I have been sweating profusely for many hours and during my hour long ride in the ambulance it continued more so. I swear every bump, and rock on the interstate was intentionally hit! Now I'm at the big city hospital. I went on an obstacle course of sorts arriving in the intensive care. My body is still on fire. I'm being poked and prodded in places where modesty once abound. No modesty in me, looong gone, I'm in the hands of the best in the state. Stuff was comin' out of me from many places. Again, another battery of test, I was given blood due to internal bleeding. A blood vacuum tube was placed in my throat and once again one of them incubation tubes. Many medicine's of which I have no idea later, my vacuum tube and breathing tube was pulled. For two days I have had nothing to drink and my mouth was as cotton. Self awareness of my surroundings was slowly seeping back in. The internal bleeding subsided, blood was getting thicker, vitals better. I was well enough to leave the critical care unit. First real food and being able to sit on the side of the bed lifted my spirits. Much medicine including anti-biotics for a lung infection. A couple days here with improvement, I was moved once again to another room, one step closer to leaving. I returned home Monday the 6 th to my humble but beautiful home. I'll have much more to tell you in the future, right now I grow tired as the last three weeks has depleted my energy level to a place I've never known, I wish to end on a beautiful note.

I was heavily sedated after my heart attack, machinery keeping me alive, a most beautiful happening occurred, I'll leave it up to you to think upon.

I SEE A YOUNG DAKK HAIRED WOMAN STANDING AT THE LEFT FOOT OF MY BED, ON THE RIGHT FOOT WAS A TALL, BROWN HAIRED YOUNG MAN. THERE WAS THIS MAGNIFICENT GOLDEN LIGHT SHINING FROM BEHIND THEM. I SHALL SAY NO MORE. A PEACEFULNESS SETTLES UPON ME AS I RETURN TO SLEEP!

WHAT A DREAM!

The Elders of the universe cry. The little planet with everything to give, is in a state of impending doom. It should be utopia, natural resources a plenty. Why oh why . . .  is such a beautiful world being led to Armageddon?

The diamond in the rough nears self-destruction. How many bombs of annihilation does a tiny planet need?

The question is, let it play out to destruction, only to be re-seeded and grown again.

Interfere, many wish to do this. Too many good people shall be destroyed by the few who are sickened by the diseases of power, greed, control.

Wipe out the diseased ones, and save most of humanity, seems most logical!

After all in the animal kingdom the strong survive, the weak are weaned out.

Somehow in the human kingdom things have gone astray.

How is it possible that the regular humans are controlled like cattle to slaughter?

All are born and grow up with the same level of intelligence. Wrong.

The true ones of the earth, are simple ones, growing, living off the land, raising their young, seeing themselves as one with this beautiful planet.

The manipulative ones are lazy, educated in slavery, control, the simple ones of the land, are conquered, forced against their wishes, to either play the games or be destroyed. That's what happens when ones see the world from two different views.

To be simple, raise families, enjoy the simplistic needs of life.

Others are all about greed, control, those are their values.

The Elders decide to eliminate those not pure of heart.  

Flummoxed, Flumadiddle, but wait, there's more!!!

WHOO-WEE . . . What kind of word is that? Flum-mox-ed . . . I have hit the mother lode of words here! I'm so excited, and perplexed. I don't even know what it means, yet I be a willing to give my five cents worth. Since I have little sense, who knows where this'll go. Maybe, I say MAYBE . .  I should just go to bed and dream about it. That would be the smart thing, but . . . you know me hopefully by now, and I have to go a couple rounds with flummoxed.

Flume be the first thing on my mind, like a flume of water coming down from the mountains.

Flu, don't like that!

Moxy = nerve, or I might say "that dude has plenty of balls!"

I'm gonna make me a word up about. I see and work with a bunch of flumos everyday. I just like the way that word sounds. It's my blog and I like it!!!

DAMN!!! I RAN ACROSS AN EVEN BETTER WORD THAN FLUMMOXED.

FLUMADIDDLE. Is that not a humdinger of a word or what? It means utter nonsense. or worthless frills.

I don't see how a cow's udder has any connection?  

((( Ohh! Silly me! When I say utter in me head, it sounds like udder. Never mind . . . old age brain fart thing! )))

Back to the fuming thing. Well what the hell be a fuming? I know what a fume is. Man sometimes I cut a fart you know, "sheesh where the hell did them fumes come from," I ask.

"I sure didn't eat anything that tasted that bad going in, I got me an internal gas maker some
where's up my ass!"

Gosh darn it, I got sidetracked . . . Imagine that!

I read a Norman Vincent Peale book a looong time ago, called The Power of Positive Thinking. Too bad it didn't work!

Anyhow, he mentioned, "fuming and fretting." 

If one is fuming, (giving off gas), and fretting, (mad) maybe that's what spontaneous human combustion be all about! Get soo mad and let one escape, flammo, good bye!

Fumadiddle is a variant of flumadiddle, well who gives a fuckadiddle!

Post It Note! err somethuin.

Up and watched the sunrise this cool Sunday morning. It was 57 degrees, walking around outside sends shivers through all me timbers, it was mightily ree-freshing though! Yes sir! Good friends of mine. Earlier in the week it was brutally hot, that darn ol' humidity don't wanna give up then dog days of summer without a fight. Them fall days are approaching real fast, can feel it already. Temperature never went higher than 75, I don't reckon yesterday. A breeze along with that coolness made it perfect mowing weather for this here, old man. I push mowed at the lowest setting a tryin' to kill that green shit out. We have had so much rain this summer I could still be a mowin' that stinkin', fricking carpet from Hellania twice a week, usually I mow once every two weeks by now.

No, no, no I don't mean to complain about the rain when plenty out there need it! Ya see I just hate to mow grass!  (Ainna like a smoking grass you know that gives ya a nice little buzz!) I get the sneezies and runny nose syndrome shite! I'm now using my mulching mower and mowing it by hand to eliminate some of that dander, blowout crap that gives me the sneezzy-gee-bees, from all them grasses, trees, hoodoo, voodoo, hist-a-mean-to-me SHITE! Takes me a lot longer but since I bought It, may as well use it before I lose it, ya see.

Haven't been posting, me mind's been, other places, AND not places I want it to be! No sir! I wish I had me a no-thinkin' switch, just turn me nose or something and turn that damn ol' no-thinkin switch off, HALLE-BERRY, oopsey, sorry, sometimes it's harder than a hard-on, being me! (Oh! did I just say what I thinka I said???)  (( I meant to say hallelujah! Butt, butt, butt!!! The first a thing that come to me mind when I was typing h-a-l-l-e, ya see . . .  was well . . . I'm sure you men understand! Is that not a fine woman, or what?))

(((OKAY!!! I, A, GONNA EXPLAIN SOMETHUN TO YOU MY FRIENDS AROUND THE WORLD.)))

I had to take a temporary hiatus from my madness to do some bathroom stuff, old man = weak bladder, ya know. I was really thirsty and I drank one of them mighty, BIG ASS DRINKS! It were soo good! "How good was it?" Usually, I'll drink on it, till the thing gets watery then I'll throw it away, but it taste, soo good I drank it down, faster than I thought! I'mma feelin' GOOD and SILLY!

Ohh, what I wanted to tell you, I be a gettin' more hits, when I don't write anything, than when I post. WHOOM? I do find that i-n-t-e-r-e-s-t-i-n-g!!! Right at this here, very moment I be a getting, over 20 hits from France, several from, Germany and Russia. I love The Eiffel Tower! How the hell do you keep that thing standing, for so long? My ancestry dates back to Germany. My favorite author is from Russia, Fyodor Dostoevsky.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS FROM AROUND THIS BIG OL' HUNK OF ROCK! YES-SUM, I DO!!!!! 

WHOO-WEE!!!! TAHT THERE CAFFEINE, BE MAKIN' AN OLD MAN'S HEART A FLUTTERING LIKE A 18 YEAR OLD! WHERE'S MY WOMAN?