For some time now I've felt the beginning of the end. Slowly but surely the erosion of my body becoming merely a shell of what it once was. The only thing lying between the next go-round is my mind. Could be a long drawn out process of what dying is all about. It usually does not come as a deep sleep into the great beyond. I believe there lies waiting for us is the beginning of our old soul, becoming rejuvenated to the next level. You can read into my words whatever you wish. I do not believe the essence of who we are dies. I believe we're recreated in another fashion but not what theology says. Excuse me if I beg to differ! We do have that right still!
At times I find myself longing for the next step. Tiredness of the body seeps into my soul, only my mind seems steadfast at staying.
I see the young effortlessly enjoying life unaware, unknowing, uncaring of the disease of the old. How can they know, how can they feel what they don't understand, they haven't the foggiest notion of the aging process and the deterioration that comes!
WHY? It's absolutely something one has to experience to understand. I must gave my complete self to function at the working level, while they can do what I do with such ease. What I have in my favor is "been there, done that" over and over again.
WHY do I continue? I saw an old Chicago Hope show, probably 20 years ago that left an indelible impression upon me. A man faces certain death, a hopeless case soon to die, yet he wishes to see, just one more sunrise. Certain to die within hours, he begged a doctor to keep him alive to feel the sun on his face one more time. Surgery would give him just a few more hours. The hospital was not going to do this surgery. One Doctor risk his career to give this dying man one last wish. For some reason this dissolved my heart to tears and still remains at the forefront of my mind. Is that not beautiful or what?
WHY this post is being written? I do not know, WILL it be posted I do not know?
FOR whatever reason I dare to write such a post! I'm being completely honest to you and to myself. The only thing of importance I have to give is my thoughts. THAT'S why I do reckon this journey through the years through this format is WHY, I began this endeavor!!!
BELIEVE me when I say it's been a real hoot! My only regret is not of beginning this foray into writing earlier in my life span . . . ah but it was not yet meant to be. It was meant to be when I could truly enjoy and accept this journey! My body may be going south one ache, one pain at a time but my mind is crystal clear. Some people would beg to differ with you on that assumption.
AUTOMATIC WRITING, SPIRIT WRITING ETC. DOESN'T MATTER TO ME. I JUST KNOW I HAD THE WORDS "LINGERING DEATH" HIT ME. AS USUAL WHEN MY BODY TAKES MY MIND DOWN WHEN ILLNESS UPON OLD ACHES AND PAINS TAKES ME DOWN SEVERAL LAYERS AS IN MY MENTAL STATE.
I DO KNOW FOR WHATEVER THE REASON THIS WAS MEANT TO BE AT THIS TIME IN MY LIFE AND VIEW IT AS "THE BEGINNING OF THE END" AS I WISH TO REMAIN AS LONG AS I CAN TO SHARE THROUGH IT ALL, THE HAPPINESS, THE TEARS, THE PAINS WE ALL WILL EXPERIENCE BEFORE "THE LINGERING DEATH" TAKES US AWAY!
As I search for new things to write about seems there only as close as my thoughts. Something simple yet profound in that last statement, don't you think?
ALL I CAN SAY IS THIS POST WAS MEANT TO BE BECAUSE IT WROTE ITSELF NONSTOP, WITHOUT LEAVING, NOR LOOKING AWAY FROM MY COMPUTER ONE TIME.
THERE MUST BE SOMETHING TO THAT AUTOMATIC WRITING HEAH?
Written at 8:15 in on 5/19/2014 Goodnight!