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Monday, February 27, 2012

Glen News, Glen News

I want to jump right into something everybody can identify with. The good o'l weather. In my neck of the woods smackdab in the heartland of corn country, it was 50 degrees and Beautiful sunshine, yes it was and I loved it! I was out and about after the sun's rays clear my windows of ice, yahoo! Uncle Glen don't like using the ice scraper. Let the heater in the sky, clear them frosty ass winders. (I know, I know, the prop-er spelling is supposed to be windows!) You ain't visiting the Land of Properness here on Glen View! For you new readers and in case you old readers have forgotten. Glen View is my home, my own private Sanitarium, Nut House, Mental Institution, Looney Tooney Place and y'all get to visit me, the only cuckoo, as in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, good book! Damn! See how easy it is for this crazy old fart to get side tracked! I forgot to tell ya, it was windy. I decide to try my new ears, oopsey, hearing aids, Uncle Glen needs a lot of aid. Brain aid, blood pressure aid, potassium aid, vitamin D aid, iron supplement aid, amoxicillin for a spell, for sinus aid and I love my lemonade! HA, HA! Sorry I couldn't hep myself. (Please play along with me here, this ain't the local or world news, this be plum ass silliness yee haw!) 

NEWS FLASH... I interrupt this this attempt at humor to bring you this important news story! HA, HA! Got you there ain't gonna be no BAD news, nope not on Glen News, no way Jose!!! Damn If I didn't get side swiped and forget to finish about my hearing aids, shit fire! I can't do nuttin right! (I know, don't get your panties in a pinch!) Hearing aids, wind, that damn wind was blowing into my new hearing aids and what do you think I was hearin? (Okay, so I don't like using g's give an old fat man a break, if-fun you want PROPER English try???? Hell! I don't know maybe England, yeah! That ought to work!) Okay, let's try once more. Wind blowing through my new fangled hearing aids and the only thing I could hear is... wind that's right! Wowza! I be runnin a test and my new fangled hearing aids sure can pick up the sounds of the wind real good, I'm impressed! Don't hear birds or my release of Taco gas, but sure hear that 20 mph wind right nice, man oh man am I impressed!!! (I hope you got that attempt at Taco humor, u-know FARTS!) DAMN! Old grey haired Uncle Glen is feeling good and silly today, best hang on to your brain you might lose a few cells! Okay back to the hearing aid test. Went to visit family. (Here, sounds a mite like hear don't it? See how good I can hear now with my aids!) Hearing people one on one is much better. I can hear my brother talking to me from the other room, wonderful. Understanding people with no background noises such as 20 mph wind is real good, I'm impressed! Time for the Daytona 500, I want to watch the start of the race, wasn't meant to be rained out. I reckon they need rain down there in Florida I hear, or is it here! I'm so confused and guess what I'm afraid of, hearing is gonna give me more confusion! Uncle Glen can't stand no more confusion!  DAMN! The race postponed until Monday, not words people wish to hear.
Anyhow, I was listening to some pre race talk and my nephew was sittin on the floor in between me and the tv. I could not understand one word he was saying, the tv overrode his voice and the tv's not that loud. That be a good test for my new aids. I think, I might need some itty bitty hearing aids for my hearing aids! (Ha, ha! Here I find that funny, sorry strange humor.) To sum up this insanity, if there is no background noise or wind howling, I hear pretty damn good, BUT, if there is other sounds like a tv, even turned down low, I cannot understand people talking to me. Wow! Sounds an awful lot like before I spent a heap of $$$$ on aids!

My kind of news, might have you thinkin that Uncle Glen is crazy, yep and I totally agree with your way of thinkin! I know you did not learn one dag blasted intelligent thing did ya? What if you had spent the time instead of reading my blog, listening to all the bad news. Do ya reckon, ya would of learned anything of any importance? I'll let y'all out there answer that! If you have learned nothing other than Uncle Glen is one looney tooney sort of fella, then I have accomplished my goal! AH, HA, HA, HA!  Uncle Glen


  1. I did catch that Taco humor and laughed out loud when I read it. :-)

    As for the hearing aid, well, sometimes I guess it is nice not hearing what other people say, but hearing all the crap that comes over the TV is not exactly a good thing. Maybe they need to do some fine tuning on those hearing aids. Tell them you want certain sounds filtered out hahaha.

    Seriously though, it's bad that you pay for something that only let's you hear background noise and not the important things like real people having a conversation with you.

  2. I agree with perfectmindstorm about not being able to hear what other people are saying. The best though in my opinion are tv hearing devices because when everyone is talking and being loud I can turn up my tv hearing aid and listen to the show instead of everyone else. Its amazing and I love doing it.