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Thursday, September 15, 2011

Wow-za & I feel SILLY!

WARNING! Warning!! warning!!! w-a-r-n-i-n-g, your last chance to save, your mind or at least what little is left!
CAUTION THIS HERE BLOG COMES WITH A MANDATORY VIEWER DISCRETION! TO VIEW ANY WRITING FROM HERE ON MEANS, welcome friends you're at the right place. You know what time it IS? It's that special time when an old man takes his Doctor's prescribed meds. But wait there's more! You add them meds to a NORMAL person. Damn what is considered NORMAL? Let's take a momento and ponder on that. While you're a pondering I'll be a writing. Good God almighty the most disturbing thought just crossed the one synapse I have a firing! I'm pretty much a creature or actually in my case, a crazy of the night. I most assuredly don't, do not, no way, nay consider myself normal....

BUT, I may look a mite better, after what I'm gonna say right here, right NOW! Me and my shadow driving down the avenue, I mean, and my sidekick, Punky, stop at convenience stores for soda and M&M peanuts of course! Whoops, I get her them Slim Jim sausage stick, something or the other, that are always by the cash register. U-know what I'm talking about. They take their old, dried, shriveled up hot dogs that have been on one of them silver thing a-ma-bobs, that have been on there cooking since a year ago Saturday.(check, check, check, am I loosing you, by typing too fast, OR maybe I'm going into a mite too much detail, sorry I warned you!) Anyhow, they send them little shriveled up wienies back to the factory that makes them Slim Jim's, old dog food, yep, would I kid ya? WHAT??? That's not considered dog food!!! Wow-za or eeeccckkk!!!!

Okay, okay, okay, the normal thing, sheesh, don't get your panties in a pinch. What I see, late at night close to the interstate, made me think about trying another store in town. BIG ASS mistake! I thought, that I worked with a couple of s-t-r-a-n-g-e ones! But damn! I be paying for my Super Dooper keep you up all week end caffeine loaded diet coke, and in walks this little feller maybe 5 foot 4 inches tall, with low ass riding shorts, u-know the look with his ptoud underwear showing, yuck, AND one of them $1.00 ultra thin sleeveless under shirt's, AND had tattoos everywhere, AND had them studs sticking out from his lower jaw, AND he's wearing a hat sideways, AND I hear him say somethunn, to the cashier, hey dude how'ss it hanging whatever trash talking. He gotta studs on his tongue, I can't understand one thing he's a saying. Okay, I'm really working hard here to paint you this picture, so hang tough for a moment. He be in his late twenties or there about, AND has a beer belly, AND with the slurring coming from his mouth, I realize, he be one of them challenged ones they call today! Hey, I couldn't make this shit up, I may be nuts, but damn my mind couldn't make up somethun like that!


About the post yesterday, I had the idea of floating peacefully in one of them hot air balloons. I wrote the first sentence and went into my meditating ohm .... and so on and so forth. I wake up 30 minutes later, some damn entity, spirit, OR whatever (imagine the twilight zone music) wrote me a post. Wow-za, I like-a, this here automatic writing! Yes-sir that be the truth about what happened last night!

Me and my keyboard haveS, (yes I know that be a capital s, please give me a lot of leeway, remember my warning) a battle of wills going, neart a year. You see this old soldier of life, has only been a-typin about a year. My first half dozen keyboards weren't c-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-i-n-g very well. Man, was I a-getting plum perturbed. (that be pissed off, big time) Anyhow, I had me a talk with my first keyboard, I said, "listen here, you best start working with me". The problem be, I be a thinkun one wurd, and the damn keyboard would misspell it! Change my wurds into somethun unintelligible, kan ya'all believe it? I got me one of them spell cheky things u-know. I throw that first keyboard at the wall, yep, broke into a thousand peeses. I go get me anothur, u-know what happened, same damn thing. To thw wall it weent. Man oh man, I purturdd. I got me a new one, my Missy says, "you need to practice". What for, I know how to spell! It be some kind of a dexterity thing, old man or somethun. Missy informs me, well la-de-da! So me and my new keyboard take it, reeaall s-l-o-w. We doing good, and then a sentence wur in Spanish, not English. What the ???ko, is a going on here! I was heartbroken. Here I have all these bottled up stories I wish to write, and me and the keyboard can't communicate. I have lost track of keyboards, but I keep on, keeping on. I'm old, and as stubborn as a mule!

I just got an idea, or struck by lightning! What if, what if? If I can get these a-u-t-o-m-a-t-i-c writings, going rreeaall good, I could get me a really long wire for my keyboard. Yeah that be it! Take my keyboard to bed with me, and channel my dreams thru my keyboard into my computer. WOW-ZA that be the best idea I ever had! My dreams are SO, SO, SO damn beautiful. I wake up once in a while and I'm in what is called sleep paralysis. Lightning hitting my head again, two times in one day. Ya'all out there need to take my meds. What if I run me a wire direcrly from where the keyboard plugs into the modem. Imagine, from my modem to the computer modem, holly smokes to your modem! If that ain't a frightening thought! Make that the last thought on your mind tonight, sweet dreams BABY!!! AH, HA, HA, HA, HA, I WARNED YOU, I WAS IN ONE OF MY SILLY MOODS. If you read this whole post then you're an official lifetime member of GLEN VIEW...         


  1. Well I must be an official member now because I read the whole thing, not only did I read it, I enjoyed reading it!! You just have the most brilliant and humorous way of putting things. I look forward to your blog everyday because I never know what you are going to come up with, but I always know I will be delighted, and even if you write something more serious, you just have the ability to draw a person right in. So I cannot imagine anyone stumbling upon one of your posts and not reading it in it's entirety.
    You should write a book !!!

  2. Oh, as for the tattooed wonder you spoke about. I know you didn't make that up. I see the same wonders here in my part of the world and it makes me ask what has become of this world !!