Snake Oil Pitch

Gather around my dear friends, I would like to tell you about a cure for what ails you, be it sniffles, scurvy, stomach ailments, eye sight, nervousness, gout, pneumonia, cancer, heart ailments, tiredness or plum just sick of life... Yes, sir, a bottle of my magic elixir will fix whatever ails you! Gangrene of the leg, this magic potion will clear that right up, absolutely! Today's special buy two bottles and recieve one free of this secret ingredient taken from the snake of the mighty Amazon Jungle, discovered by the Captain as I lie dying. I have spent my entire life searching for cures from all over the world, this magical healing power was discovered as I lay on my deathbed, from jungle fever. The local Indians of the Amazon use this potion, known only to their Medicine Man, it comes from a rare snake. As a young boy I stowed away on a great ship that sailed the world. This ship and captain was no ordinary sea faring vessel. This Ship's Captain became a rich man and he wanders the far reaches of the globe searching myths and legends, in doing so he finds the unknown, never before heard of secrets not known to civilized man. This, my dear friends I have brought to you here in Dodge City Kansas on this day of September in the year 1882. I have traveled from St. Louis where I carefully supervised the mixing of the Captains own elixir. We use it exclusively on the Captain's Ship where I guarantee you, it cured all. You will not be disappointed, I have only a limited supply to sell today, tomorrow I must go back for supplies. I may never be this way again, so don't miss out. I drink it every day and I'm 101 years old that's right my friends, you never would of guessed me or any one to live that long. Lookee here, at how a man a-century old can dance, I don't mind a-bragging the ladies still find me, well let's just say my mast is mighty and my sail is always full. Let me remind you once again directly after the show I'll be leaving to restock my wagon. Since this is to be my last stop, I'm going to sweeten my offer, since my wagon moves faster on a light load, by the way I neglected to tell you this here magic snake potion also works wonders for any horse or mule discomfort. If their leg is sore from a sprain just rub this wonder linament on and after a nights rest they'll be kicking the barn doors down to get to working fer ya. Okay the deal now is if you buy 3 bottles for a mere $1.00 a bottle, I'll throw in 2 bottles free. Yes-sir that's what I call a steal. I must return to St. Louis to replenish my supply. Lookee here my good friends I drink it just like this. [taking a good slug straight from the bottle] It works fine for the baby's colic, one tablespoon mind-ya and that baby will quiet right down and you'll be able to get your sleep. that's right my friends! Step right up for the deal of a lifetime. Don't be stingy folks I probably won't be this way again so buy your supply now!

SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FOR TODAY FROM THE MAN OFA-THOUSAND MINDS!!!   Hope you had a laugh at my making fun of HUCKSTERS.   Glen View