I think upon countless subjects as I drive about in the wee hours of Sunday morn. My mind's at its best when I'm no where near my computer, or is it one of them "the grass is always greener on the other side, you know!" My hope is that some of my thoughts will resurface, when I get around 'placing pen to paper.'
I just love the way that sounds! As a matter of fact, I'm going to purchase an old type ink filling pen with thicker paper to write me a story, in my actual handwriting, to recapture how it once was, say back in Mark Twain's days, then post it, might be fun. That'll be soo fun!
A glimpse in time about little Glen. Hope you don't mind? That's actually what started all this called Glen View 'madness. I've always been extremely ashamed of my handwriting! Years ago with much free time on my hands, (ha ha) while waiting on product to deliver, which---I absolutely HATE! I started cursing, I mean my cursive writing! One thing leads to another out of boredom, I began writing thoughts, many years later here I am, practicing, on you! Please accept my most heartfelt apology! Oh, by the way, my handwriting never improved, I just turned to typing!
Another thing, injuries to ones shoulder does not help to improve ones handwriting! Why I wish to do this is to recapture the lost art of hand written letters, if only now and then. I believe it to be more personal, I like that! The personal feel/flavor is so, one of a kind, be it poor handwriting or beautiful handwriting! At least an old fogey like me thinks so, but what do I know? I'm an old white haired fat man, children look at me like I'm Santa Claus around Christmas if I wear red. (OH, HO, HO HO!) A little humor I can't seem to get away from it sorry!
********************************************************************************
FEAR
The word 'fear' has left an ever lasting mark on my mind since I read a post of a friend a week or so ago! (Hi-C)
We fear, everything at times, and we don't even realize it! Do we!
Quite possible fear is first, encountered when? No this is not a test! Please humor me, as I toy with my thought process. (If I have one!)
Imagine the first true taste of fear. Give up? Inside the womb we slowly thrive. So warm, so nice, so protected. THEN!!! HELLO!!! Forced out!!! "Lights, sound, action" says the Director of life. Cold hands, thrown about, cleaned, gouged! FEAR! Has to be the first emotion of a newborn! Even though I doubt the baby understands it, still my point being, the first example, I suppose!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dictionary defines FEAR as a feeling of anxiety and agitation caused by the presence or nearness of danger, evil, pain, etc; timidity; dread; terror; fright; apprehension
2 respectful dread (whatever that means)
3 a feeling of uneasiness or apprehension, concern /a fear that it will rain/
4 a cause for fear; possibility; chance
I have absolutely no doubt FEAR is learned very young by children. Every emotion is accumulated by their environment.
The fortunate...are spared! Well it's the others I wish to talk about today through way of a story.
*********************************************************************************
*********************************************************************************
((((( FEAR!!! )))))
The child learns early when to stay away from father. Sometimes father wants the child around, sometimes father is loud, throwing things as the child hides in his bed. The child doesn't understand, FEAR is being programed! After a while father goes to bed, only then can the child go to sleep. The child remembers back to the age of five, but most assuredly FEAR was programed, long before! FEAR never ceases to exist around father, the child never knew when father would become 'different,' so the fear, even during the good times was always close at hand!
This kind of 'fear' SHOULD NEVER happen! This 'fear' NEVER leaves, flashbacks seem like reality, even now!
Other FEARS become programed. The child attends church with parents as father fights alcoholism/his own childhood demons. A new FEAR is instilled, 'The Fear of God!' "Fire and brimstone" little country church style. The fire induced minister works the congregation, intended to bring sinners to their knees! Yes, he wants them at the altar, FEARING 'The Wrath of God!' They must repent or "damnation is theirs, forever burning in HELL!" The child shivers next to mother, a child cannot comprehend such bodily exciting physical indoctorinations, combined with loud, planned, explosive words, intending to bring adults to their knees! FEAR, amplified with the 'wrath of God' and the 'bible!!!' Jesus Christ, God Almighty! What kind of people resort to tactics, such as these? Hey, if you're an adult and wish to attend, so be it! But children who's minds are forming, learning, thrust sometimes upon nightly revivals with fired up, shouting, arm swinging, fist pumping, bible swinging ministers, come on!!! If this is not child abuse? FEAR is FEAR baby!!! It will NEVER leave!!!
Ah, but is there churches like this anymore? I'm sure there are, but not around my neck of the woods, at least I hope not! I believe the poor people years ago looking for work brought with them their style of religion. I'm talking poor and seemingly ignorant! Misguided I suppose! Learning to get away from the FEAR and ignorance of their own upbringing! (I may of wrote a tad strong about the FEAR from this kind of ministry, but hey you write what you've experienced! ( The good, the bad, never leaves ya, does it? We can only hope through living, our own life, we can come to grasp and gain our own identity! HALLELUJAH on that! It strikes a dark cord to the minister's minstrel show to this very day!) ((( "If it ain't done from love, it ain't everlasting Glen!!!")))
HOW SAD, CHILDREN CANNOT BE ALLOWED THE BASIC, PURE, CHILDHOOD ENDEARMENT TOWARDS LEARNING, WITHOUT IMAGINATION BURNING DEEP SCARES INTO THEIR PRECIOUS MINDS AND SOULS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
********************************************************************************
FEAR lies in all of us, fear of spiders, fear of bullies, fear of the unknown, fear of height, fear, fear, fear, fear!!! We accumulate more baggage onto our childhood fears, forever warping, keeping us from accomplishing everything to the best of our abilities. "DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!" It never stops! Living your whole life out of real, or make believe fear is where society is at! HUH!
What? You cannot watch the news on the FRICKING FEAR BOX, without contamination! You just don't know it! Watch the 11 o'clock newscast then go to bed, no wonder you have nightmares. I have a new fear right now! I HAVE THE FEAR OF AT ALL COST, AVOIDING ALL THE PRESIDENTIAL RE-ELECTION FEAR MONGERING CRAP!!! JUST LAST YEAR IT WAS THE FEAR THAT RESPONSIBLE, EDUCATED, CITIZENS ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT ONE PARTY IS BETTER THAN THE OTHER!
We are filled, so full with 'FEARS' from, weather calamities, to pandemics, contaminated foods, pesticides, fluoride, medicines, wars, right to bear arms, Politicians wish us to believe there are shooters waiting behind every tree!!!
Damn, maybe I've gone on too much! FEAR is real! We cannot get away from it! I'm afraid to go see my own mother! I cannot stand to see my once vibrant beautiful heart of gold mother, slowly slip away. I FEAR when she does...how will a 60 year old man react? Will I be strong, or will I resort to a kid and go hide in my bed!
FEAR IS THE SHADOWS LURKING BEHIND US, WHETHER THERE BE LIGHT OR NOT!
I FEAR, every day leaving my house, my comfort zone! I FEAR, my worn out body will not continue to take a lifetime of abuse!
I FEAR for the young that are so "full of life," at what the previous generations have done to them and their off spring!
FEAR is a crippling, self destructing, DISEASE we're forced to combat every fricking moment of every day. Ah! We cannot let it completely destroy us!
WE MUST SEARCH FOR THE LITTLE THINGS THAT MAKE US LAUGH, SMILE. CONTINUE TO LIVE, DESPITE EVER INCREASING ODDS STACKED UP HIGHER AGAINST US!
QUESTION IS? DO WE LET FEAR CONSUME AND DESTROY? MY REMAINING YEARS OF MY LIFE IS TO FIGHT EVERY DAY TO NOT LET THE FEAR MONGERING, KEEP ME FROM ENJOYING THE ENJOYABLE MOMENTS AROUND ME!
IN MY OWN WAY I'M PLAYING IT FORWARD! AFTER READING THIS YOU'LL UNDERSTAND ME A LITTLE BETTER. I ONCE HAD THE FEAR OF COMPUTERS, OF TYPING, OF WRITING, OF OPENING UP ABOUT MYSELF! I have crossed a few fears off, but added some new ones!
I have gone on enough I reckon. I must make one last comment. I fear I could go on, and on, looks kinda like I might huh?
Fear is brainwashed so DEEPLY into all of us and the Big Daddy of All, our government through whomever you wish to refer to them! Seems we all talk of them, but cannot see them face to face!!!
My soundest FEAR is that there's no way the future generations can defeat what lies ahead of them. This 'FEAR MONSTER' has been growing for too long! IT has spawned too much to defeat! We are the under dogs. There really are no heroes, except in the movies, on the screen to console us through orchestration by the ones who write, direct, finance, all movies. WE SOMEHOW HAVE BEEN DIGESTED INTO THE MOVIE SCREENS, AND NEVER KNEW IT!!!! THERE AIN'T NO SUPER HEROES UNLESS YOU BELIEVE IN THE CREATOR! WHATEVER OR WHOMEVER, BY ANY NAME YOU WISH!!! Sorry, I'm too tired too carry on! This serious stuff, sure does take it out of me! That more than anything else is why I attempt to write my message through my humor. Goodnight my friends, Glen.
I'm going to reread this tomorrow morning and comment, but for now I wanted to answer your question you asked over on my page. We are getting rain and some of the wind from the storm, but it is well away from my part of Florida. I am more concerned with my brother who lives in Louisiana because it looks like they will be impacted big time. He was there during Katrina and that was something that left a lasting impression on him. Anyway, tonight my thoughts and prayers are with those in the path of this storm.
ReplyDeleteThanks for asking about me, it means much. *smiles*
I wanted to come back to comment on this blog, but there is so much in here that I know I will read it several times before I say much of anything. I wanted to thank you for writing it though and sharing a glimpse of yourself, your fears now and in your early years.
ReplyDeleteYou are right in that a baby probably has it's first encounter with fear the minute they leave the womb. I had never thought about that.
And from then on, fear is instilled into us through other people, our environment and things that happen to us. Some fear is good, but there are a lot of fears we need to overcome or those fears will rule us, robbing us of the joy of life.
Absolutely excellent writing this time G. I don't know, but lately you seem to have gotten better and better with your posts. I look forward to them every day.