Rascal

Hello my friends another Memorial day is upon us. Per usual no words of wisdom to expand upon. A friend of mine who remains nameless so I'll use his nickname Uh-Clem, yep you read right! He choose this name, not me! He be a smart one graduated college and everything. I don't know how we hooked up, must of felt sorry for an old country boy I reckon. Any how, we like to talk about various things you see. The funny thing is we grew up in the same state, only he moved to California and took big time to college working for one of the biggest companies in the world. We're the same age, I stayed in corn country and went to high school, then to working in manufacturing. The number one thing we have in common is we like to read and we both have a blog. He is totally committed to a wonderful cause with his blog and well, I probably should be committed to a mental hospital! He took creative writing classes in college and everything!! Me I'm learning to type with my daily practicing on you! Sorry! Oh and as I'm sure you can tell I ain't never in my whole life attempted to write until this blog, so I say  "BIG HELLO" from corn country in the heart of the Midwest. He has encouraged me to do this and has helped me more than I can ever repay. Funny how things work out sometimes. Thanks Uh-Clem. So Uh-Clem brings me a book and said "this is the greatest novel ever written!" Wow--- he don't beat around the bush do he!

Uh-Clem said "I read this book for the first time when I was 14 years old."

I started feeling good about the book then, I thought it may of been one of them college books, there certainly be no way an old man who barely graduated high school will understand it.

He says "this book will make you a better writer."

My mind flashes back you know, some of that dejavu stuff. Sweat begins popping out on my forehead as I remember them English work books from junior high school. Verbs, adverbs, nouns, double negatives, dangling something or the others, etc......... Sheesh! I no longer feel the need to write, he done healed me of that temporary affliction!

Uh-Clem gives me a book that was written 150 years ago. What in tarnation is this old man thinking! Damn Abe Lincoln was in the White House! He's been talking to me too much and back in his home state too long, he best be moving back to California!

Uh-Clem says "now you have to take your time, study and think upon his words and the names may seem a little strange so you may want to shorten them."

 Have mercy I'm sweating like a dog who just had a bath shaking itself dry! He gives a name that starts with R and seemed to end with a Russian vodka or whatever, I'll call him "Rusty." Probably about a poor Russian farmer and the antics of farming I'm thinking.

The title of the book is, Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky.

I read the introduction by Joseph Frank, now I'm thinking "this be one of them scared straight programs Uh-Clem is pulling on old Glen here." Uh-Clem gonna scare the writing, right out of me! He is a true friend!
Whew-wee this ain't going to be easy reading like the Farmers Almanac for Dummies! Man Oh Man I read the first chapter. This ain't no book like I ever read a fore. I thought I had some problems, this here Rusty fella. I changed his name to Rascal but don't tell Clem. I mean Uh-Clem. Rascal sure do seem to fit this Raskolnikov fella!

I knew I was in trouble on the first page, hell the first sentence. The word garret was used, the only way I knew garret, is as in Billy the Kid and Pat Garrett.Then the second paragraph used abject. Sure I can reason it out in the sentence, I see I'm going to have to slow my reading down and turn my comprehension up a mite. A mite my ass, more like a Mighty Mite!!!

When I was in junior high we had them reading projectors. Wow ancient science by today's magical computer phones, anyways, they wanted me to read faster. I didn't want to read faster. I read at the speed I felt comfortable with. Well to make a long story short, the speed went up drastically, but there was one drawback to my new reading technique. Damn my comprehension went into the crapper!!!

So about 46 years later and a lot of books I have read purely for fun such as the one I just concluded The Help. I'm going to retrain my mind before the speed reading teacher ucked it up. Now I can trace my lack of comprehension back to the moment. So my buddy Uh-Clem has regressed me back.

I look at it this way, us old people loose brain cells as we grow older, that be a fact! The best thing for old brains is to keep active. So I'm going to either increase brain cells or fry what fricking cells I have left, you dig! Sorry old hippie saying. Ain't Uh-Clem a pal! I'm gonna learn or go on disability and let you out there pay for me!!! Ahhahahahahahahahahahahahahah Glen