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Friday, August 15, 2014

The MASK . . .

Those out there who have never battled depression, say a little prayer of thanks, before you go to bed tonight! We may think it so unusual that a comedian could ever, do such a thing.

My mind sees the frown, and smile mask, so clear, at this moment. Absolutely NO ONE . . . knows, let alone understand, what truly goes on in someones . . .  mind!

I say that, yet, I put my mind out for the world to see! That shows how smart, OR how stupid I am! Well, call it stupid if you want, however I believe what began as a nightly therapy session to relieve frustration, and depression, has enabled me to meet, that damn ol' Devil head on. Without this format, I'm sure, I would have slipped back into the grasps of the big D! No, not the Devil, DEPRESSION!~ I'm making light of it at this very moment, but it has sent major setbacks, and pert~ nert destroyed me at times!~

(Right now you're asking why is that crazy old man using them squiggly little lines? Because I can and I like them!)

I do not know where I'm headed on this at all, I do know for sure that this post has taken a complete about face, as to where I was going to go. Perhaps I shall share a little insight from my own battle. I'm not expecting you to understand. It's like a Boa Constrictor that'll suck the life tight out of you, as each new, and ever growing, with each new round, making the need of living, less meaningful, till the torment must stop, somehow, and so it shall . . . in one last act of desperation!!!

How many thousands, of lives are taken every year, by the act of trying to forget, to feel better. You have to know what I'm saying!!!   The battle with alcohol, the battle with illegal drugs!

DAMN!! AND MARIJUANA GETS A BAD WRAP!!! That's probably the least type of illegal drug, one could fuck with! Look at the lives lost everyday from every other conceivable way to hide depression.

How many billions is made, and being spent on  marketing campaigns, FOR LEGAL DRUGS?

Seems we the ones who have, and continue with the big D, never get cured! The cure ain't easy folks. It's not about how much money you have for combating the D with therapy, drugs.

In my case it's awareness, and understanding! It's always there! PLEASE do not give up, and let that BOA tighten, and tighten, and tighten, till there seems only one way out!

Have I fought with the urge to end it all? Absolutely, and I know that'll be in the back of my mind for as long as I live! Some day I'll write my story for all to read!

Oh my!!! Wasn't intending to go this route.


1 comment:

  1. I think you know that I know exactly what you are saying here . When I first stumbled across your blog, and you came to mine, I was just clawing my way out of one of the darkest periods of my life. That's basically why I started writing this blog of mine and I know that you and I "got" each other there from the start. You knew exactly what I was talking about in many of my blogs because you had been there. Unless someone has been underneath that heavy dark cloud, they really do not understand. Keep writing my dear friend. We both know how much the writing helps us.

    You know, you can look at pictures of this latest tragedy and see the sadness behind the eyes. Tears of a Clown