SNOT!?!?

I cannot see what I be typin', so I made it what I thought would be a wee bit bigger. Seems more than a tad larger, but I'll go with it on this post.
How you a doin' out there a livin' on our little rock of a planet!
I'll talk about somethun, I just don't know yet! This part is what I call "priming the pump." Ya see on weekends I don't use me head and cobwebs can form so I start meandering around till hopefully I hit on somethun or say a few things that bring a smile to my face AND I HOPE YOURS!
I chose the title for this post because my head's not right, but you already figured that out,  ( At least I hope so! ) 
I come to you today with not a heavy heart, but a heavy head, if I was a watermelon, I'd be overripe, ready to burst all over the place. Unlike "Gallagher" you remember that comedian that would bust watermelons on stage and people would laugh as it would get on the first several rows of the audience.
I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO PUT ON YOUR IMAGINATION, IMAGINARY CAP FOR ME. AH! COME ON "YOU CAN DO IT!"
I was going to say something! I had to take a nap and I forgot!
I'll take me another nap to counter the other nap!
Oh! Yeah! Now I remember . . . I must go to the store for eggs and milk.  ( Sorry, I kan't hep me-self sometimes! )
I wish my head was one of them watermelons that Gallagher use to smash on stage, ha-ha-ha-I'm laughing so hard I cannot type it, ha-ha-ha!
I . . .Imagine my head as full-as-""SNOT""-as-it-is-right-now.
Old Gallagher brings that sledgehammer down as hard as he can, and, and, and, ha-ha-ha-. Ah-ha-ha-!!!
((( Are you imagining along with me??? )))
Down comes that giant sledgehammer, the people are expecting another watermelon drenching, they're laughing like a bunch O ferking morons! Ahh, ha, ha, ha! I can't type it it's so, so, so funny!

((( Ohh, I must go blow my nose, before I can finish. )))
[ Sound of snot coming outta-me-head, a couple times, the Kleenex is wet and warm from . . . Damn! what have I been a breathin' in? ]
You are a visualizing along with me right? Come on you have been in my current predicament before. NORMALLY I be full of shit!!! For whatever reason I be full of somethun else! I'd rather be full of the other S word!!!
Okay! okay! okay!!! Gallagher be a bringin' that sledgehammer down, suddenly he feels like the world's strongest man at the carnival, you know, gonna hit that game so hard and win his little woman a Teddy Bear for a ringin' that bell at the top. That bell goes ding, ding, ding, a faster than has ever been DINGED before. It shoots off the top of that pole and hits the bearded fat lady as she was hitting the highest note of her song. She reaches a pitch never achieved and all the lights at the carnival pop!!! 

DAMN! I MAY HAVE OVER PRIMED THIS TIME!!!

IF YOU CANNOT VISUALIZE WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT SEE BELOW!

SPLATT , , ,  The sledgehammer hits the watermelon/head and stuff shoots out at a rate old Gallagher never reached before! All the audience was wet in slimey, clearish, greenish, sticky, SNOT!!!
NOW YOU MUST ADMIT THE ANSWER WAS NOT AS FUNNY AS A LEADING UP TO IT!
This has simply been a nightmare induced by me Glen View!
I now return control back to you!