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Tuesday, January 17, 2012

THE TWO TOOTH TRUCK DRIVER

On December 30th of last year a funny incidence happened at work, or as I prefer to call it Crazy Inc. (Oh shit I best explain Inc. not meaning Incorporated. I think of it as more Incarcerated! Yep! Would I kid you?) As you might ascertain from some of my stories the I. Q. level where I work is a wee bit low! Probably because we work during the hours of 6PM TO 6AM. It’s called the graveyard shift for a reason, I reckon!

First off, I must tell you I don’t make these stories up. I understand this may be hard to comprehend if you live in a world of “normal” people! Although, I’m not sure what normal is anymore! About 20 years ago I was going through some life altering moments. (Moments my ass more like years.) I believe some of the residue still clings! I was convinced that I was the one with what I’ll call “brain farts”! (Too much thinking releasing excess gas into the brain singeing them already frayed synapses!) To get back in the game of life once more, I search for a job as far away from what I once did. That was supervision and it did the trick. However; I transferred to the graveyard shift after a few years of working days (Normal hours.) for monetary reasons.

YES IN CASE YOU’RE WONDERING WHERE IS THE STORY, I MUST LAY A FOUNDATION EVEN FOR MY MADNESS! I reckon you get the picture.

Two Tooth
My Boss tells me at 9:30 PM, there is a truck that I need to unload in back! Okey dokey! Please understand, normal receiving hours are 8 AM to 4:30PM, so when a truck driver shows up late it’s never good! It’s a tip off they’re having trouble of some sorts! I go back to the shipping dock and open the door and there stands this little feller about 5 feet 5 inches tall. He’s in his sixties and real skinny. That should of, tipped me off. Most truck drivers have a big belly from sitting too much! A hazard of the job I suppose! This little feller hands me the paper work and I tell him to back his truck in, so far so good. I’m waiting and waiting for him to back in. He’s having monumental trouble backing his truck into the dock! (Well shit I say to myself!) We have one of our company trucks in one of our two docks, I offer to move our truck to give the little feller more room and he nods his head in agreement. (Important note, so far he hasn’t spoken a word.) I move our truck and I’m waiting and waiting! Finally I’m wondering where the hell that little feller is? So I open the dock door and he’s still having trouble. Finally he gets the 53 foot trailer lined up. I start unloading 3 pallets of material from his truck. He comes inside as I’m unloading the first pallet. He says something to me and I did not understand him, I just nod my head yes! (Another important note, I have a hearing loss, I don’t wear hearing aids because I work around loud machinery.) I pull the other 2 pallets off! Before I close the dock door I ask the little feller “Would you like me to put that pallet of empty skids back in front of your other pallets for you where they originally were.”? It’s at this time he looks directly at me and says something, but I could not understand a word he’s saying. (Man! I hate when this happens!) Those like me that have a hearing loss learn to read lips. Okay it’s about to get good and silly! Now that I am looking directly at the little feller I notice that he only has two front teeth and there not together! He has a thick accent and his mouth does not move properly for me to understand a thing he is saying, so my lip reading is no good. All I can see as he speaks is them damn two front teeth! I’m now having a major failure of communication with this very nice little old feller with two front teeth and a thick accent! I just want to get him out of here and get back to where I feel at ease with my crazy pals! But no! He starts jabbering and I say “I can’t understand you”! He repeats “@$%^&*^%$#$%^&*”. Still I can’t understand one word! He says one word slowly “c-a-l-e-n-d-a-r” I guess he wanted a calendar for 2012!  I’m thinking why the @#$k would he think I had a calendar! I decide to simplify things and I simply said “NO.”  He’s a little feller; he then goes up and tries to push those pallets that I offered to put back where they originally were. Since we are having MAJOR communication problems I didn’t understand what he said! All he had to do was nod his head yes, when I asked him, but no! He had to speak jibberish and all I seen was two front teeth! So being the nice guy I am, and it has only taken about five times the amount of time it should have, I open the door once again and raise the dock plate and get my pallet jack and make the little feller happy! Since we can’t talk, I may as well make him smile so I can witness his two proud front teeth! Finally the little feller whom I cannot communicate with and has two front teeth LEAVES!!! I run back to my, normal (?????) everyday  ones who I can communicate with to a certain extent! I get back up to Crazy Inc. employees after attempting communication with? An Alien!  He was little and looked weird, couldn’t speak a word of intelligible English except c-a-l-e-n-d-a-r!  You know what! After having some time to ponder on it! This little feller absolutely could not back in a truck! He’s too use to piloting a space ship! He could not speak a word of English except c-a-l-e-n-d-a-r! Those two front teeth were probably transmitting devices cleverly concealed. I bet this Alien little feller was simply joy riding in a semi-truck! Yep I bet in the sleeping section of the truck was a 300lb truck driver polluted on alien holiday cheer!  
NOW DON’T YOU BE THINKIN MR. GLEN VIEW IS PULLING YOUR LEG! THIS STORY IS TRUE. I WILL ADMIT TO LETTING MY IMAGINATION RUN WILD WITH THE LITTLE FELLER TRUCK DRIVER! I BELIEVE HE BE FROM THE DEEP NORTH, AS IN NORTH OF U. S. OF A. I THINK HE MIGHT BE A CANADIAN HILLBILLY WITH HIS TWO TEETH! HELL! I DON’T KNOW! THAT’S THE ONLY THING O’L GLEN CAN LIVE WITH!
I MOST CERTAINLY DO WORK IN A STRANGE PLACE IN THE MIDWEST WITH SOME STRANGE ONES! BEING AROUND THESE STRANGE ONES, HAVE MADE “ME NORMAL”! (Well I suppose I best leave that decision up to you!)  Thanks for tuning in! Y’all come back now YA HEAR!  

2 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, I am sitting here with my coffee and about choked to death on it. This is hilarious and I have no doubt that you are telling the truth. There are "strange" people out there for sure. Hey, who knows, maybe he was an alien!!

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  2. Actually...he was a shape-shifting, time traveling physicist from the 26th century. And he was french. When you couldn't understand him asking what year he had landed in...he wanted to see a calender! Sheesh...don't you know anything?

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