The winter has gone to my head! I have a head cold. Damn! Don't you just hate when that happens! Aches, pains, sniffles, sneezing, chills! You know in this modern age, you would think you could go to your local hospital and say "I have a t-e-r-r-i-b-l-e cold, give me some of that really good stuff! Some of them new medicines to make an old man that already has aches, pains and feels like 89 on a good day! Let alone one that has a cold on top of that! Shoot me full of that secret formula Feel Good Right Away! I'll be your guinea pig! I needs it! I wants it! I must have it!
I once took that medicine they took off the market called Vioxx! Um! Um! Good shit! I felt 25 years old before the dastardly F. D. A. (Fricking Damn Assholes) took it off the market! That be the whole fricking point you morons! Unsafe my ass! The fricking air we breathe is unsafe! Has been for quite some time! The nuclear fallout from Japan has hit the west coast big time and your worried about a few damn heart problems! The number one killer today is stress and "We The People Of This Republic While We Can Still Stand," demand our drugs! Under Mexico's first through sixty-fourth ammendments! (Oopsey! I can't belive I said that hahaha!) We dying faster than roaches after spraying that R-a-i-d shit! We have airplanes spraying Human Raid over The Unites States, who the fuck is worried about a few heart problems! Damn at least let us old fuckers die pain free!
My local hospital has these pain management posters with funny faces saying "if you're in pain please let us know! Excuse me!!! I came in here in an a-m-b-u-l-a-n-c-e! Ya reckon! That might be a clue! First things first, as I lie dying in the a-m-b-u-l-a-n-c-e! (I've also heard this pronounced b-a-m-b-u-l-a-n-c-e, you make the call!) Do you have your insurance card? As--- I--- gasp--- for--- air! Or, a check for $1,000,000! I hear the receptionist holler out on the intercom "yippee we have a live one with insurance, start all the equipment up!"
I make it to one of the emergency rooms, barely alive! Then I see my nurse! The brand new fresh from vocational school, Nurse baby doll, talking on her cellphone asks me "what seems to be the problem?" As I lie on what I'm now convinced is my death bed! Blue and cannot utter a word! "Maybe!!!--- I better get a Doctor" says Cutie Pie, to her cellphone!---- "I'm a goner for sure!" An older person that looks smarter than Cutie Pie shows up. The last words I hear, before the light at the end of the tunnel was "code blue!" I'm being pulled closer and closer to the light thinking "Damn! I had insurance, I did everything right! Why am I here?" All of a sudden I feel as though I have been hit with a taser gun, you know like the police use, that shoots a million watts of electricity into your body! I'm bouncing all over the walls of the tunnel and being sucked backwards! Now! I'm really pissed! I wanted to see what lies at the end of that tunnel! These damn morons can't screw nothing up right! As I'm sucked back into my body, I hear someone say "he's back!" I think who-wee! I'mma gonna get my money's worth and ride all the rides here in the amusement park of horror's! Goodnight, thanks for visiting my humble site I call Glen View.