WARNING!!! THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE A FUN POST TO READ! IF YOUR LOOKING FOR MY HUMOR DON'T READ ON! THIS ARTICLE AND THE OBVIOUS DOWN MOOD I WAS IN ONE NIGHT AFTER WORK, IS JUST AS MUCH A PART OF ME AS MY FUNNY RAMBLINGS! WE DO NOT DWELL ON THE DARK SIDE FOR FEAR WE WILL GET LOST THERE! IT'S AS REAL, AS MY HUMOR! I WROTE ONCE, "I WISH FOR YOU IN BLOG DOM, TO GET TO KNOW ME, THROUGH MY WRITINGS!" THAT'S NOT CHANGED, HOWEVER; ALL OF US HAVE TALES FROM THE DARK SIDE! MOST PROBABLY WE HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THESE LIFE ALTERING TIMES! WE BURY THEM DEEP! OUR HEADS INTO THE SAND! OUR BODY REMAINS ABOVE GROUND AS WE EXPECT THE DARK TO GO AWAY! IT DON'T WORK LIKE THAT MY FRIENDS! WHAT DEFINES US! IS THE COMPLETENESS, ENCOMPASSING THE HARDEST PART TO UNLEASH AND CONSEQUENTIALLY TO UNDERSTAND, IS THAT UNYIELDING PART BETWEEN OUR EARS!!!
One more day! Another day closer to death! No one! Absolutely NO ONE! Even fucking notices or cares! It's only what you can do for "them," or "complaining!" I'm fucking tired! Of it! Yes! I'm pissed off, but not at what you're thinking!
I'm hurt! I'm DEEPLY HURT with a never healing wound! If, the hurt I'm feeling at this exact moment in time could push that invisible dagger, we call heartache deeper and end it! Then DAMN IT THIS OLD FUCKER! HAS HAD ENOUGH!!!!
I loved my best friend Aussie Blue so much! She was in so much misery! I put her down! I wish someone will see my pain and return the favor "one day!"
There comes a time in our life when we understand that the aches, pains, misery of our body, the daily grind, our environment (Factors we can't control!) AIN'T going to get better! We know each day is going to be harder and harder, to just! SURVIVE!
(((I would like to make something perfectly clear at this moment in MY life. Many of you out there, cannot comprehend what I'm speaking of! Hopefully, you never will! (But you will!) Believe me now, before the big light at the end of tunnel, the umbilical cord connection to the next existence, the spiritual journey, the pure energy being you will manifest into, so on and so forth depending upon what you believe.)))
I'm soo fucking tired of "manning it up" and pushing forward! For what? The inevitability of death! "I no longer fear that word!" I believe a part of me has died, in the last decade! Death be a slow daily grind that eats away and sucks the life out of you! Until, there is nothing! Like a snake shedding it's skin! Only the snake is renewed! Unfortunately, I'm not a snake! I become a skeleton with no heart, no soul! Why would anyone wish to survive in this state! I DON'T! Your body dies long after your spirit is defeated! My spirit weakens as I mentally and physically man it up for what! One more fucking day!
My body cries out, LOUDLY! From the aches and pains of too many years of physical abuse! Once, I thought, I am invincible! Crises beginning about 20 years ago, leads me to Doctors and the "wonder meds!" Now! I pay the price of the not so wonder meds! Weight gain, meds to counter the side effects of the original meds! THE NEWEST MEDS ARE NATURAL VITAMINS TO REPLENISH MY DEPLETED BODY FROM ALL THE DESTRUCTION THE MAN MADE MEDICAL ESTABLISHMENT HAS DESTROYED WITHIN MY BODY!!! You see, there's no let up! Push yourself until one day that last moment of complete and total exhaustion takes its toll, and finally relief!!!
The only way to make it through the day while working is to eat the pain reliever aleve like candy! Ah! Aleve is an over the counter medicine that once required a prescription. I use to take Vioxx, a much stronger version in the same group of drugs, per my understanding! Weekends is resting my old tired worn out body, no aleve needed.
Seems its hell if I do, and hell if I don't! I can push myself physically until that day comes of physical exhaustion and I ease into the next??? It's the ones you work with and the ones you're the closest to, haven't the foggiest of how thin the ice is! You could be taking your last breath right in front of them and they are oblivious to you and your last beat of life! That! More than anything, is the last feather on the camel's back!
I CRY FOR MYSELF, AND ALL WHO HAVE ALWAYS GIVEN THEIR ALL! ARE WE INVISIBLE??? OR, HAVE WE BEEN BURDENED WITH OVERACTIVE SENSATIONS OF LIFE, THAT DESTROY US, AT OUR VERY FOUNDATION! I'm so tired, hurting mentally and physically, as I struggle to write these words! These words may or may not make sense. I do know, that if I don't attempt to put my inner most thoughts down at this moment, they will never make it, into any of my posts!
So when I said, "I want for you to get to know me." You must see the opposites of what makes me, "ME!" Therefore making up what I lovingly call Glen View. If anyone out there has read the majority of my posts. You my friends know the man behind the keyboard and you know more about me than anyone else! What I write about is from the deepest valleys of my inner soul, heart and mind! I am all the characters and all the ones I have yet to write about!
I give to you out there, in the farthest corners of our globe The GREATEST GIFT one call give to another! My innermost, thoughts, humor, ramblings, ideas, I give you ME!!! GOODNIGHT MY FRIENDS!
Glen, although I love your silly humorous side, I would NEVER want you to only show that side of yourself. You told me so many times to write from the heart no matter what, and I think I told you a time or two that you inspire me to do that. To be ME and to hell with what anyone thinks. I won't say too much here on a comment, but maybe as I write through my blogs,showing the real me, you will understand that I understand.
ReplyDeleteA short comment may end up sounding superficial.
You are REAL, and this pain is REAL, both the physical and the emotional.
Write what YOU want, what YOU feel and don't do it for me or Tim or anyone.......do it for GLEN.
As you tell me so often, write from the heart, the good, the bad, the ugly......free yourself my friend (and I know you have)