I have been having some trouble with my posts recently. There hasn't been that many! I write every night before bedtime but am dissatisfied. Seems the same o, same o. The last several weeks have been most unusual. Normally, I'd come home with many subjects on my mind, just waiting to sit down at the computer. My way of clearing the air. The pent up frustrations have always been part of me, my whole life. I for the most part have quit reading the newspaper, avoid all news, seems they only fuel the flames adding stress to things I can do nothing about. I also have not been listening to my favorite over night radio show, Coast to Coast. Could it be that without all this tension producing pollution, I may be going through a change?
After going through the illness of a couple weeks back, I somehow feel different. I'm in a most pleasing mind altering mood. Seems my mind has quieted down, the inner turmoil, anger, frustrations, lack of patience, displeasure of people has changed for the good, yet I don't know how to be me! I have had these emotions for so long they became me, therefore controlling who I am. It's a most unusual period, right now!
I wish to explain this feeling. I can only equate it with my younger days of drinking a few beers and being relax. An at ease type mood, rather than my blood pressure being elevated like it use to at all the retarded infractions life threw at me, a veil is blocking what I'm witnessing, stopping the penetration of negativity that used to make me go ballistic. Most interesting emotions, like a drunken stupor has replaced my anger, not completely mind ya, but giving me a peacefulness if only temporarily.
Its been a few weeks and I like it!!! Another major part of this true story is, I have not taken any pain pills in almost three weeks. I know, truly amazing to say the least! Whatever the reason I wish to keep it! Certainly doesn't make any sense to me. Its as though my mind has spoken to the rest of my body and said "take care of what you can do and don't worry about the rest!" Wow, beautifully simple words of wisdom I've read a thousand times... Do you reckon I've finally got it" I hope so! Baggage created in childhood and all baggage stored since will break Glen's back and mind, don't need no more of that shit!
My wish is that it continues and becomes the new me. Something has changed deep inside and I wish for more of it!!!!
I FELT THE NEED TO EXPLAIN AND HOPE IT IS THE BEGINNING OF A NEW MIND SET TOWARDS LIVING MY LIFE. IT WILL BE INTERESTING TO SEE WHERE MY WRITING GOES FROM HERE. I'LL CERTAINLY BE WRITING, RIGHT NOW I'M IN AN IN BETWEEN PERIOD.