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Thursday, October 11, 2012


WILLPOWER, will pow er, strength of will, mind, or determination; self-control...

Yep, I was looking up willpower, but per usual I gander above and below the word I'm looking for, can't do that on the computer! Guess what funny word I found? WILLYNILLY, wil e nil e.. Isn't that a hoot! It means whether one wishes it or not; willing or unwilling. OR in a disordered way; helter-skelter.

I like that word willpower should be someones name, how cool would that be! Well there is a man who drives in The Indy Racing League, (I think that's what it's called!)

Can't you hear the drivers talking ol' Will Power, "he just one another race, man he has the willpower!"


The thought above was yesterday's thought. I did not get to finish it, I now have something else on my mind!    "DIE DAMN YA!!!"  
Please allow me to explain. I had a friend who was a smoker, even at the young age of 20, had serious lung problems. He also had a serious drinking problem! He would sometimes hack and cough to get his breath, then his favorite saying was   "die damn ya!!!"  He did at the age of 55. How he made it that long was only from modern medicines. The last time I saw R. B. was about five years before he died. He had been injected so much steroidal medicine he was huge. Matter of fact I did not recognize him.

I never went to his funeral. Once upon a time I felt obligated to go to funerals! I don't any more! You see my first funeral was at the age of six. Children can't make sense of death and all that, my sister lay in the casket where two days before we were playing, There's absolutely no way I could make sense!

My next funeral was at the age of thirteen, more grown in stature, yet no way in mental understanding. I had just lost the number one father figure in my life, my GRANDPA on my mother's side. (No it was not my father, my father had problems, real problems!!!) My grandpa was a lifetime smoker of the roll your own kind. If I remember right Prince Albert was the brand. Both R. B.  and my grandpa had the same cough from those devil cigarettes.

We all must die "damn it!" Simple fact of life! One never thinks upon such a notion when young. Most anyway! Why would you? You view life as growing old thing, which is the way it's suppose to be!

We die one cigarette at a time, one soda at a time, one beer at a time, one cold at a time, one heartbreak at a time. The modern world's killing us off, from foods we purchase at our local supermarkets. The medicines Doctors prescribe are killing us. Contamination coming at us from so many different directions we cannot count, or fathom them!

"DIE DAMN YA DIE!" Perhaps, that should be our new motto to live by!

Many 'learned' scholarly ones tell us... SO... much! Please remember their only men! Not Gods. There was no man filled with more wisdom than my grandpa, more kindness, love of the universe as in his love for gardening. No pure of heart simple man, never born! My friend had many flaws, but he lived life to the fullest, his way!

Men write books, so beautiful, I cry! So funny, I laugh out loud, a belly laugh! I loove when that happens!!!

You can find books to tell you about everything. From how to raise a child to Planet X, called Nibiru!

There is no way to separate the bull from truths! Fact is we as a species have made everything so fucking complicated, we no longer are able to think straight... for ourselves!

"Anything man 'messes' with, he fucks up!" Ain't it the truth? How does the average, man, woman, or child, make up their mind??? I'm waiting for an answer?

You can read thousands of books in a lifetime and will learn through them! Hopefully keeping an open mind, believing those words that feel right, yeah... baby! That's great, that's what books are for! I love when that happens, like the writer, took your thoughts!

But to turn to books as understanding of everything... that's when I have a problem!

We have been given intelligence, to do outstanding things, just, in my lifetime, I have seen AMAZING accomplishments!

I believe, as we 'venture,'  into these AMAZING things, some think, it'll save us! Save us from what... ourselves!

We must make everything so fucking complicated!! I believe what we search for. is simplicity in nature, has been driven out, from too much, of too much! Our modern world relies on each other! Think on that! Each other, we can't get along with ones in our own family, or city where we live, let alone like me, where I work!

I'm real tired... have two headaches... one for each head I currently have, as I'm seeing double! I did go to work Tuesday night BAD!!! MISTAKE!!! I was feeling better and intended to work four hours only!!! I worked  nine hours and regressed back 'worser' (I know that's not PROPER! ) than where I was! "DIE DAMN YA DIE" YOU KNOW, SAY I RETIRE IN A YEAR OR SO. There be 'bodies' to take my place!

I'm soo fucking tired of using my "willpower"!!! Suck it up! I'M TIRED OF SUCKING IT UP!!!



  1. I usually have no willpower and everything I try to do is done willynilly haha.

    I hope the time till you retire goes by very quickly so that you can finally relax as best you can and do what YOU want to do when YOU want to do it and if you just feel like sitting on the front porch or in the recliner or whatever, you can just do that !!

    Hang in there my friend.

  2. Just stopping by to say Hello to you. I have been praying for you to get well. I really hope today finds you feeling better.
    I haven't felt like writing anything.
    It's not the same here with you not posting.