How ya'all doing out there, wherever ye are roaming in this silly mixed up world of ours. My name is Bill Lee Hill, my good buddy Glen, or should I say, old crazy Professor of Dumassology, here in farm country. He runs a Sanitarium, here in the Heartland, Glen View. It was once a big, I'm talking BIG house. Legend has it, a foreigner named Sigman Fraud built this stately mansion. He fathered a dozen children or more, no one seems to know for sure. Seems the ever growing legend has him fathering many children around corn country, he fertilized (petered) many eggs all around the county like corn. (ha! ha!) People that come into contact with Sigman said all he wanted to talk about was sex, sex. sex.
A friend and former farm boy, Glen R. VIEW went off to college and got him a Doctorate in Psychology. He ain't worth diddly squat as a real Doc. though. He tells everyone I'm a Doctor of Psychiatric Disorders. Hells fire I don't even know what the hell he is talking about, we need regular Doctoring and Veternarian Doctoring anything else is useless around farm country.
Anyway to get to the pork of this article. Doc. View says to me "Bill Lee you are famous state wide and know more about pork than any man alive. I want you to write an article for me which I will post on my blog. I want you to write about pork barrel".
I, wishing to not appear ignorant in front of the Doctor said, "you mean pork bellies".
The Doctor said with authority, "No sir, PORK BARREL as in Politics".
Seems to me the Doctor may have been taking some of his wonder medicine so I say "okay". I aim to talk to Lilly Claire my wife. She is a real Doctor and in much demand around here, she is a Veternarian. That night at the dinner table I ask Lilly Claire to explain to me about pork barrel, as in politics. Real quickly I see I have got myself into a real nutso sit-e-ation. I should of been smarter than to get hoodwinked into this by Doctor Nutso, as he is called in these parts. So my Lilly Claire is helping me to understand or rather attempt too!!!
PORK BARREL is government appropriations for political patronage. She ask "you do understand that don't you"? I answer "HUH"! (My mind is flashing ALERT! and when I feel like that or try to figure something out I run to me pigs and talk to them.) I think I'm in deep pigshit. I know government and we have two political parties, but I'm blanking out on, appropriations and patronage.
Lilly says "you mean to tell me in you whole lifetime here in farmland you have never heard of appropriation! Have you heard of the word appropriate?
I answer, "yes, you sometimes tell me I'm not dressed appropriate when we are going somewhere, so I guess that means dressed right or correctly and I believe patrons may mean people that are having dinner when we are eating at that fancy restaurant that you absolutely love, that don't serve any pork, right"!
Lilly Claire says, "there is a brain in there, it's just smelled too much methane released from your pigs.
Appropriationns means money set aside for a specific use. Patronage means, the power to grant political favors. My head begins to throb and I am thinking to myself, lordy what have I gotten myself into!!! My Lilly knows me well enough to know, the run to me pigs look. She laughs at me and gives me a big ol'-smoocheroni. She takes the kiss one step farther and leads me to the bedroom saying, "I know how to calm that brain of yours down".
After my brain is on minimal life support she explains all the back door, dirty dealings of Politicians. I was totally flabbergasted, and she laughs saying, "you silly pig farmer, there is a whole lot more to this world than raising little piglets, but that's why I find you so irresistible, you're a real down home country boy and love animals and life as much as I do".
I had much thinking to do over the next several days. I did not like the sound of that pork barrel politics one bit. It gives my business and my hogs a bad rap. My porkers are good and serve a necessity to life. What good are them politicians! Them Politicians are growing fatter every day off we the people's money. If they are doing each other favors and don't care if the people know it, then what in tarnation is going on in secret. They are placing black gooey stinky stuff on us and rolling us to the road. We are being covered over with pig-shit. Damn I'm madder than a 500 pound sow protecting her piglets. Are all the people as in "WE THE PEOPLE ARE AS IGNORANT AS ME", I THINK IT'S HI-OH TIME WE ALL WAKE UP AND SMELL THE PIG-SHIT THAT IS TAKING OVER OUR COUNTRY. I RECKON THE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN AS IGNORANT ABOUT THE GOINGS ON IN WASHINGTON AS I HAVE BEEN.WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE HISTORY HOGWASH WE HAVE BEEN TAUGHT IN OUR SCHOOLS OUR CHURCHES ALL OUR LIVES. HERE WE HAVE TRUSTED THE GOVERNMENT TO TAKE CARE OF US!!! THAT BE OUR FIRST MISTAKE AND ONE HELL OF A BIG ONE!!!! WE HAVE BEEN PLAYED LIKE THE GREASED PIG CONTEST, THEM POLITICIANS ARE SAYING "THEM DAMN IGNORANT POORLY EDUCATED SOB'S AIN'T SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW WE ARE ROBBING THEM BLIND. THEY THINK THEIR VOTE COUNTS FOR SOMETHING. IT IS MEANINGLESS BOTH PARTIES ARE BEING LOBBIED AND GIVEN MONEY FROM THE SAME RICH ASS PEOPLE AND ORGANIZATIONS WITH ONLY ONE THING IN MIND. TO RULE THE WORLD AND """CONTROL""" THE MASSES AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THEY HAVE DONE!!!! DON'T TRY TO REASON OUT THE WAY """DEMOCRACY""" IS A-WORKING. SINCE TAXES WAS INRODUCED WAY, WAY BACK, THE KINGS, THE QUEENS ONLY WANT "WE THE PEOPLE TO PAY TAXES, USE THAT SAME MONEY TO BUILD THEIR KINGDOMS, WAGE THEIR WARS WITH OUR "CHILDREN". Now THEY, along with THE MONEY CHANGERS (now where have we heard that word before!!!) are taking over the whole fricking planet. Don't kid yourselves more money is spent on military around the world than has ever been. Why??? to bomb OUR asses to smithereens "BABY"........
Those so called POLITICIANS -???????????? in Washigton are playing WE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, like a fine STRADAVARIUS in finest SYNPHONY ever wrote!!!!!!
I HUMBLY APOLIGIZE MY TIE HAS BEEN RATER SHORT RECENTLY AND THIS POST GOES AGAINSY MY MISSION STATEMENT HOWEVER; THE POLITICAL CRAPPOLA COMING FROM OUT OF WASSHH-ING-TON HAS FLAT PISSED OLD BILL LEE HILL PLUM OFF. RICH PEOPLE PLAYING WITH MINE AND YOUR MONEY. EVEN THE MENTIONING OF SOCIAL SECURITY AND WILL IT BE THERE FOR THE FUTURE JUST SENDS ME INTO A HISSY FIT. THAT DAMN MONEY IS MY DAMN MONEY THAT I HAVE PAID IN FOR SINCE I WAS SIXTEEN FUCKING YEARS OLD AND YOU TOO EVEN MENTION TAKING AWAY SOMETHING THAT MY 81 YEAR OLD MOTHER SURVIVES ON WELL , I TRY REALLY REALLY HARD TO BE A GOOD PERSON BUT YOU MY PORKSUCKING RICH ASS BACK STABBING SOB'S HAVE GOT MY DANDER UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you like my little tirade about you know who's please tell me! I might let let Bill Lee get plum pissed off again!!
Brilliant!
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