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Friday, April 8, 2011

Klem, Me & Pain

Pain, pain every where "PAIN." When does it become too much to handle and it breaks you? You know what I'm talking about! I saw a sign in a Doctor's window it said "We Manage Pain," that's for me. I go inside to talk about it, the sign in your window says "We Manage Pain." I want you to manage my pain please, as it's becoming too much for me to manage!

I ask the receptionist, "what exactly do pain managers do, I bet you have some really goo-ood pain manager pills and shots that are crying out to me. Yes, yes, I hear them! Cortisone, Prednisone, Hydrocodone, Oxycontin um, um, now were talking pain management!!! I want the full treatment.

The snooty receptionist looks up at me through the top of her glasses, "Sirr the first thing we need to know, do you have insurance? Secondly you just can't walk in her off the street and fill your bag with pain killers! What do you think this is Mexico!" (I'll give this receptionist an A for attitude, I like it!)

I smile at the snooty and testy receptionist and say, "honey put a little somethin, somethin on my insurance card for you. I'm in a hurry now, just pretend this is a drive-up window and make my order to go!!!"

The receptionist jumps up a huffing and a puffing, scoots her chair backwards, she comes back with a even snootier looking woman a looking up at me over them damn glasses just like her little snooty sidekick did and says "I'm the Office Manager, you must have a referral from your personal Physician and all your records before we can see you."

I answer "what, the sign says, you manage pain, do you or do you not manage pain because you are giving me more pain and you don't want to give a man teetering on the precipice more pain than what I already have!   

Big Snooty says, "we can't do anything for you unless you Doctor refers you."

I walk out the door saying to myself ********&&&&&&&@@@@@@. So I go to my Doctor and he reefeers me...

So I go back to these here "Pain Managers." After a whole bunch of tests M. R. I. and such, they say blankety, blank, blank... Still no good Meds to take my pain away. What kind of "Pain Management" place is this after the amount of money my insurance have paid you, I could of vacationed in Mexico and stopped off at a local Drugs are Us and be having no pain right now!

These here "Pain Managers" want me to exercise , eat a certain way, lose weight etc. I'm an old man and have worked hard at physical labor all my life. With all the advances in medicine they are asking me to do all this other crap! What kind of @#%&ing Physicians are they anyway. They go to Med School so they can prescribe modern medicine and they want me to live with my pain!!! "Hells Fire" this ain't eastern medicine where they can use their mind to block out the pain, this here is America and we demand our drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          Klem, my buddy and Me are getting OLD, have back problems and miscellaneous old age crap! He asked me "did your Doctor say whether or not, you could take over the counter pain pills with prednisone."I'm hard of hearing so I put my finger in my ear and shook it wildly to be sure I heard Klem say exactly what I thought I heard Klem say. My mind flashes alert! Overload because my mind is processing what I thought I heard, against why the hell do you want Ibuprofen if you are taking the good stuff! You can see my predicament here. I don't know if he or me is having what is called a "Senior Moment" or my hearing has let me down. I'm frazzled and poor Klem he looks more frazzled than I am. He has a headache and usually takes a hand full of Ibuprofen normally to get going.
          Klem and me start discussing aches and pains and how it seems you continue to get more and more. Klem is getting an M. R. I. and he already has a bad back. We talk Prednisone, Vioxx and such. I used to take Vioxx before they took it off the market and all I can say is woo-wee I felt right good when taking that stuff!!! I experienced Prednisone a few years ago and um, um good, nothing in my entire body hurt! My mind was reving at 8,000 rpm's. I only needed 4 hours sleep a day and I was up and ready to gooo! As I was weaning myself slowly off Prednisone all hell broke loose. Them damn aches and pains plus ones I never had before appeared. I had become a junkie in three weeks of taking that devil drug! I even asked my Doc "how about prescribing me the least amount possible for my old body."

          Klem had tried Prednisone before but couldn't tolerate it. It's spooky stuff. When you are really hurting you have to resort to certain measures and there is no way to identify with that unless you have been there. When you're young you can't identify with with that but as wear and tear of living decimates your body, then and only then can you really comprehend why older people move so strangely.


  1. Ya got me laughing out loud!

    Thanks Glen ;-)

  2. Me too!...Hilarious! That uh Klem guy must be a dimwit! HAHAHA....