Well, well, well, what's on the agenda for today? I mean as right now at 6:12 a. m. Da, da, da . . . I don't know I'm so relaxed, damn ice tea has made me so sleepy, I can't think straight. I see spots in front of my eyes, oopsey, my glasses are dirty! Wasn't planning on typing anything, but as I take my nighttime meds, the monitor is looking at me. I have one of them old tube type monitors on a swivel base, it turns to me as I enter the room. I said "okay but you better make it worthwhile!"
I do reckon, I've lived through another day! About now your asking yourself "how does he mean that last sentence?" "Am I right?"
Seems there's not much to live for anymore. I've simplified my life as much as possible so as to not stir up demons. I've had to live with them my whole life, the only way to control them, is to not allow their presence. Bury them deep, to keep on living. An hereditary ailment, plus seeing in person far too many times, has forever scarred me.
Certainly didn't see the last paragraph jumping in the post tonight! I am tired, tiredness has a way of bringing out whatever is on your mind. Not just from the tiredness of work, it goes much deeper. Such tiredness has been accumulating over life. I must understand, that search for understanding, making sense where there be no sense, is killing me!
I have the feeling that I've over stayed my welcome. I'm so out of touch with the modern ways, also I see no need in joining them. Many times I feel like my little corner of the world has been afflicted with a virus, and I'm the only one not affected. It's funny and sad at the same time. I tell myself, "it's just you." Does not help a bit.
At work last night an answer to why I cannot just let it be! Meaning be like the rest of the Ya-hoos..
I can't, it has been instilled into from such an early age. Responsibility is lifetime baggage. You cannot get away from it, no matter how hard you try, and that demon is taking the life out of me, because I cannot change!!!