It's raining and the dreary days of winter torment's me, here in the Heartland. The leaves have perished, darkness inside my mind! Not unusual, but hated! The goal my whole life is to hold a steady course, it's not possible is it? My body cries out in pain from a life of labor. My mind cries from sadness of losses. My heart breaks, from things I can't control. My soul! Ah! I still have my soul, without the veracity of my soul, I fear I would become dust. So I'm grateful. As long as my soul speaks I'm alive. You see in the eyes, when a soul burns out! A mere shell, no flicker in the eyes!
I've come back from darkness many times in my life, I no longer fear! I simply pull my boot straps up and go about my day. That be the problem with dark clouds above my soul. Every time a dark cloud arises it takes away a piece of me. One day this old horse will refuse to get up, I'll have, had enough. Enough of the bull of living, even on a simple scale of mine!
Unfortunately I've never been one, not to observe and feel the everyday atrocities of life! The front page of the Country Gazzette, here in the Heartland always prints, death, destruction, tragedies. I cry out why? Immunization of the people to believe it's okay! It's not okay! Our hearts have been ripped out of our chest, we feel no more! It seems so, or am I too old and past my prime! I hope not! I have many stories, I wish to tell! My heart aches and my soul's troubled, but I still have the flicker!
Once, I was young, and had a glowing flame, but no where to use it to any advantage. Most of my life has been wasted, surviving! Surviving for what? I don't know! I'm a tree that's produced no fruit in a lifetime! What's my purpose at this late stage of life? Could it be, to play my song, in my own way, to strum the keyboard as I allow you inside Glen View!!! One never knows! I be a simple man with a lifetime of observations and untold thoughts, surviving my torments, created within my mind, my soul, my heart! Perhaps, just perhaps, my purpose is to attempt a new challenge in my own unique style of salvation, pecking away at the keyboard and at life itself! Who knows!!! Thanks!
"Every time a dark cloud arises it takes away a piece of me"
ReplyDeleteThose words hit close to home for me Glen. I am sure you understand why I would say that since you have read enough of my posts to know a little about me. But like you say here, I've also come back from darkness many times. And by gosh YOU will too !!! Don't ever give up, don't let the "darkness" of life win the battle, you have to fight it every step of the way because there is always the light waiting. You know this.
Sometimes, like you, the awfulness of the world drags me down too. So much that goes on seems unfair, unforgivable and we question why. Sadly sometimes we find now reasons.
Remember the poem I wrote though.... where there is life, there is hope.
I am going to disagree with you that your life has been wasted. Of course I don't know you very well at this stage, but I do know you a little through what you have written. I know you have at least one granddaughter whom you love dearly. I know that you have taught her the joy of a simple conversation on a Saturday afternoon. I know you have taught her love of family. Maybe that seems like nothing, or a simple thing......but the simple things are the important things.
Your life is not wasted. The little things you do can make a huge difference in the lives of others. Keep on writing, keep on being yourself, you really have touched souls whether you know it or not !!