YOU DECIDE?

I come home from work in a mighty fine mood. I don't know what the problem is!

I worked the last 30 minutes or so on the forklift. You know one of them industrial electric lift trucks. Aw . . . come on now, there called fork-lifts-because-they-have-two-fucking-big-ass-forks-in-the-front-for-forking-stuff ya see!

Oh my God, "I've went off the deep edge without a life preserver! Oh hell won't be the first nor the last time!!!"

HELLO . . . how are you today? As you can tell I'm feeling, right's good! If I could only figure out why, I would patent it . . . and lose it to them BIG PHARMAS!!! 

Welll-any-whoo, I was fixin to tell ya somethun, but me fukin brain fuced me up. Ohh shit! Can I say that? Hell yeah we can say anything we want to! Just like all them other ones, you know the media as in Main Street Media . . . OR, OUR FINE ELECTED OFFICIALS!

Back to the regular IDIOT sheduled GlenView post thing.

I been working them half ass hours, you know half my hours on days and half my hours on the evening shift therefore = half ass hours.

You know a thought just occurred to me! What if? Now throw away any normal thought pattern for a second! What if, I worked four hours on day shift and four hours on the evening shift and four hours on the graveyard shift? What would you call that shift?

Please stay with me now, as I put my thinking cap on and analyse this problem.

Day shift + evening shift + graveyard shift = ??? Come on, help me now! (And you can tell, I need help!)
The first and clearest word I see, or as we call it in the Idiot-a-neering Department. Hell yes I'm a graduate in the Idiot-a-neering Department. (Please tell me you see it! Idiot-a-neering, hell I'm PLUM OVER THE CLIFF!!!)

You never heard of The Idiotaneering Department? Land sakes, where has you been all your life? It's a right good thing y'all stumbled into GlenView! Usually we have to bring them here in a Bamb-u-lance!  

Never heard of Bambulance? Come on people, what cave have you been living in? Google Bambulance and listen to this 9 11 call, sheesh does o'l Glen has to tell ya everything?

Back to the other SHIT I was rambling about! Come on stay with me here! Don't go to sleep here, like we did in English Class!

Take out one measly letter from shift and you have shit. So shit + shift = yep! Shit shift! Lets vocabulary it up a tad, after all, we don't a do properness here on ????  Add a t and we now have shitty shift, or using some of that English shit, I nevur lurnt, somthun, or the utter! We can make it worser by adding iest and dropping the y. Now we have shittiest shift and that by golly is what that would be, fer sure!!!!!

Now what have we lurned here today boys and girls? PLEASE SAY WITH ME """ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!"""

IT SURE WAS GOOD FOR ME! HOW ABOUT YOU? LET'S LIGHT A CIGARETTE NOW! OOPS SORRY I JUST REMEMBURRED I DON'T SMOKE!!!!  ahhahahahahahahahahaha    

(I CAN'T BELIEVE I POSTED THAT! OH! OH! AM I STILL TYPING?)