DARKNESS PULLS ME DEEPER

I hate that feeling that is pulling me down deeper into the pool of darkness. Sickness like January of this year settles inside my tired old body. For approximately two weeks my body has been fighting me. I kept going, because I must. Work, family obligations have taken it's toll. An old soldier that's no longer able to run the obstacle course like an 18 year old private. My world has been drastically curtailed due to age and illness. I try to stay within myself from a lifetime of wear on the body, soul, heart and mind. My mind is as an 18 year old, with the experience of life both good and bad thrown in. My heart is a-willing, but the old pumper has a bad seal, that demands I stay within myself. That's rather hard to do, lest yee live in a cave with no one else but yeeself to worry and care about, now AIN'T IT!!! My soul wishes to fly as an eagle, to feel the updrafts carrying me higher, to highs, I've never experienced before! That's where I want to be and want to stay. Can't now, can we!!! The demands of life are sometimes too demanding, yes they are! Give me a hallelujah on that! The body grows haggard from all the neccessities of life, it's called aging, we all do it, so very unfortunate.

I grow so tired of hearing, don't do this, don't do that it'll kill you. Damn we're being killed off everyday with crap that is in our food and prescribed to us by supposedly professionals. Some people seem to live and lead a decent life for quite a spell. The lifestyles of the modern era sure as hell don't make any kind of living long easy. I betcha there are more people on stress relieving type meds and pain pills than are taking medicine for all the other ailments combined. Damn baby! stress is everywhere and getting worse. Eveyone is in a hurry, let's eat pizza or nuke us something it's quicker.

Darkness sets in during times of illness, it saturates every cell of my mind, trying to get to my Soul. It seems at times easier to just say "take me I no longer have the strength to fight". We humans cling to life, until our last tid-bit of hope. We are humane and think more of not letting our faithful companions, such as our four legged friends suffer, so we make humane calls and put them down.

Where am I headed with this post, I'm not sure! I grow tired of always attempting my best to always come in behind. I have been blessed with very little in my life it seems during times of darkness. While in times of enlightenment, feeling good mentally, and physically I feel blessed. Who can understand? It must be a state of mind hey! I say when you're feeling good, it's easy to see the light! Damn what do you expect to see when darkness is settling inside your body, trying to enter your soul. Who you gonna call? Some people have that answer, according to them! I'm still searching, wondering. ONE THING THAT IS CLEAR, LIGHT & DARKNESS SEEM TO BE WORKING AWFULLY CLOSE & FIGHT OVER YOU... LIKE GRANDMA SAID "ON OPPOSITE SHOULDERS"... goodnight my friends wherever yee are.