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Sunday, October 24, 2010


          I'm an addict, now I've said it. I feel soo-much better. I'm free. The weight of the world is off my shoulders. I can live once again. The addiction once controlled me causing irreparable damage.
          It has been one week, I have not slept, shaved, or bathed. My mind has quit functioning. No fuel for the boiler. I can't go on, my life is over. I'm having visions, I see newspapers all over my place. I smell orchids, onions! Headlines flash on my walls and on the refrigerator door. I'm now reading the labels on soup cans!
          I cannot continue this way. I give in and go to the garage and find the newspapers that I have not read. (My inner voices say you nit wit!) The newspapers are still in pristine shape unopened and still smell of ink. I gently place them beside my favorite reading chair. I get my favorite drink and prepare myself for my newspapers.
          I know it has been several days since I have showered and shaved have I or have I not poo-pooed? Apparently the addiction is worse than I thought! I believed the weight gain was from food as I have been snacking more. Not from you know! I now understand the philosophical point garbage in. garbage out.
         Obituaries, I understand how cold that is but once I turned 50 that is the first place I go. Truthfully I never thought I would live to see that age. I did not feel any older than one day after hitting that brick wall. I am not dead, so I proceed to page 2 orchids and onions. A real down home taste of life in a small town. I'm sorry but I get a good laugh at this column.  Example, thanks to the kind couple who helped me find my mommy when I walked away from her, Dennis the Menace. Do they think we who read the paper are nit-wits. 3 year olds can't write and call the local paper, gee-whiz! His mommy wanted someone to take the little monster, poor thing.
          Onions to the nurse at the E. R. for being rude. Nurse Betty Lou had to put a tube down your throat and pump out one a day vitamins, sleeping pills, pain pills, prozac, M&M's and a fifth of Jack Daniels. Betty Lou saved your sorry ass, she lectures you about your moronic and foolish behavior (I would of let the vitamins and M&M's run their course.) This one I love. "Onions to the Politicians." That's really telling them. Oooh! Onions to the next door neighbor cat for spraying my roses, (I would ask Jack Hanna to bring a real Tiger and spray, you.) You see my point real down home. I now read the Letters to the Editor.  Today is a slow day only one Political, I do not read it. My views on Politics is the same as what Will Rogers said many years ago.
          It is such a bad day for opinions or possibly no one in this small town has thought the last few days since I did not read my newspaper. (Ha, Ha) There are samples from one sentence Dick A. Jones to mind boggling intelligent well thought out and well written. Heartbeats of all can be felt from these pages. Small town America giving their "views." You can feel the intensity, passion, hope, hate, bigotry, love, intelligence and simpleness of their words. From the laughs of Onions to the eye-popping and well thought out Intelligent ones.
          This is my "addiction" and I do not wish to change it. I finish reading the rest of my cherished newspaper. I feel so much better now!
                                                                            Thank you, Wayne Blaine

1 comment:

  1. Brilliant! Your Best yet...IMHO!
    You had me going all the way.