I feel like a pendulum on a Grandfather's clock. Back and forth continually all day, every day, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, err...errr. crash! I am the pendulum, only I vary from the highs to the lows, it can last a spell, in either mode, OR change in a split second from out of the blue, a word, a sentence, or most recently the lack of hearing what someone said to me, asking them politely "please say again."Still.. not understanding, unable to read their lips. Out of a lifetime habit, I shake my head and say yeah! Now, I'm embarrassed, reluctant to ask them to repeat!
What has this to do with this post? ONLY HERE... I.. DO... NOT... NEED ... TO... HEAR!
I CAN BE ME... TOTALLY FREE... YOU SEE! NO BOUNDARIES... PLACED ON ME!
NOTHINGS MORE FREE, THAN TO NOT WORRY! HERE.. NO CHAINS, A BINDING ME!
IF IN MY LACK OF PROPERNESS, YOU CANNOT FEEL, MY WORDS, OF THE DAY, WHICH MAY... GO SIDE TO SIDE, UP AND DOWN, OR VISIT UNCHARTED TERRITORIES, YET TO BE FOUND. I BID YOU ADIEU, NO HARM, NO FOUL!
"I shall never apologize for whom I am, as I continually search, for who I can be!"
I wear my heart on my sleeve to show to all, the human I be! I don't want to be pigeonholed, for I am not! I'm a simple man that attempts each and every single day, to be the best I can be! I'm labeled by the learned Medical Community by a label, that changes from time to time. I label myself a human being, whose attempts at showing my inner thoughts and emotions, unhindered, in my simple words. YES, THERE IS A REASON I SAY THIS AT THIS TIME, AND NOW I'M GOING TO EXPLAIN!
The ups and downs of the past six weeks, have taken a heavy toll on me. I was riding along at a comfortable pace in life, ESPECIALLY for me! I believe I referred to it as a drunken stupor in a couple earlier posts. Well, that changed from being in a manic phase, to depression phase back and forth until ol' Glen be fucking wore out, wishing he'd never heard these two words, day shift! I'm still not on days, while a lot o dilly dallying, nonsensical shit, grows longer, from the fertilized waste!
My emotions have run the gauntlet, I bear, non physical scars, bout now! In my own un-orchestrated way I have been trying to show the emotional humor, as well as baggage, in my thoughts! Those of you new readers may think, this guy is fucking nuts, I hope I made that abundantly clear, in my last post! Yes.. I am! I ask you to read a few of my posts. I was attempting to show my train of thought, ME, during the last few weeks, after all... we all... go through many different stages, it's part of being, who we are! My wish is to simply be me! GOODNIGHT MY FRIENDS!!! Glen
I'M SITTING IN TOTAL DARKNESS ABOUT TO GO TO BED. ONE LONE CANDLE FLICKERS BEAUTIFULLY! THE SMELL SO SWEET, THE FLAME SO WARM! DANCING TO THE TEMPO OF ITS OWN SONG! SO SIMPLE, SO BREATHTAKING! THE FITTING END, TO MY DAY... A GENTLE BREATH SAYS "GOODBYE, FROM IT... TO YOU!"
You write beautifully..... and your write from the heart. I've always felt you were a unique and special person.
ReplyDeleteI understand that swinging of the pendulum. Maybe not to the extreme that you know it, but I very much understand and have actually used that word myself to try to describe my own moods.
I get you Glen.You know I do, you know I understand and you know I am always here as your friend .
I hope it is ok that right now I wish I could hug you, my big "brother".
Thanks C. I write to those who understand! I want them to know although we're different, we cannot but help that our emotions get the best of us, sometimes! It's okay! I believe We would rather suffer the ups and downs the swinging of moods "the pendulum"! Than to have a heart of stone! I know you understand, and I have a few friends that do. If I have a mission in life maybe, it's to help "US" and to help "others," understand "US!"
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