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Sunday, March 20, 2011

GRANDMA "WHIPS" THE DEVIL

Grandma's not allowing any type of meanness from that old Devil to gain a toe hold in her grandchildren. There is no way, uh! uh! When all the grandchildren were babies she seen to it that all were baptized and as we got bigger took us to Sunday school, at the one room church that was once a one room schoolhouse. She was making sure we got our learning early and proper.
                She’s a fiery woman when need be, even at the age of 50. She’s five foot tall, plus a smidgen and weighs in at 120 pounds soaking wet! My dollars on Grandma especially, when it comes to us grandchildren.
                Now let me tell you a little about Grandma according to what Grandpa tells us grandkids. She certainly has spunk, that’s what Grandpa calls it. He has told us many tales about Grandma, when she was younger “My! Oh! My! She use-ta get mad”, Grandpa would say. He’d leave the house and get away, way out of her way. He’d hide out beyond the outhouse and give her time to simmer down, then tippy toe back and watch her for a spell. If she was singing hymns, the coast was clear, if she was sharpening knives, or chopping a chicken’s head off, He’d tippy toe right back, way beyond the outhouse once again.
 “She might be as happy as a lark one minute and then one of her brothers would lite her fuse and she would take out after him. Whoo-wee, what in tarnation has gotten into her I would be thinking. She takes no guff from noo-body. I have heard many tales of women with red hair, plenty of spunk they always said. I can tell you children first hand, Grandma has plenty! Three young-ins of her own, she still has plenty of spunk! She’s mellowing a mite in her old age, but she’ll have that spunk till the day she dies. That is what I love about your Grandma.”
                “She took a worthless lazy man like me, who loves drinking and beat some sense into my noggin more than once with a cast iron skillet. She took me to church and we worked on our own demons. I hear her fight every night for her children as she prays for their souls. She places her heart and soul in them prayers, but not for herself, she prays for everyone else and asks for nothing for herslf.”
      Grandpa tells us this story. “One day after Sunday school we’re driving home with 4 grandchildren. As I drove around a corner on my gravel road about a mile from home, a big Cadillac was headed straight for us, on our side of the road. I swerved in the nick of time, or we would have hit that Cadillac head on. That car was traveling way too fast and we were extremely lucky to miss it. My old Chevy ends up down in the ravine and glances off a tree. Grandma hollers my babies! Check, my babies! We pull all 4 children from the back seat battered, crying and bleeding just like us.
                We were sitting on the ground and Grandma’s looking the children over, “nothing serious” Grandma says “thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus”. My thoughts exactly!
                Piercing shrill laughter is heard, beyond my Chevrolet, we all look and there stands a seven foot tall, 400 lbs of ugly, monster of a man in black walking slowly towards us. His gait is purposely slow as he was saying with his whole body I’m the man. He was all swollen up on himself, exaggerating his torso movement side to side like one of them Sumo Wrestlers. His head was three times the size of mine. His face was red with yellow hair, he was smiling and growling. His voice reverberated through the trees and I saw birds fly away. He says laughingly, “I come for the young ones.” Grandma jumps in front of them. “I don’t think so” she says with determination on her face and let me tell you I have seen that look many times before. That Devil done brought the hellcat back in her that she had worked so hard to keep down. There stood, a five foot tall 50 year old Grandma with flaming red hair becoming redder by the second as she brings up enough rage to fight the Devil. The children are hollering, crying, shaking; my legs will not move from fear. We were scared to death, except for Grandma and she had one weapon!!!
                Well there stood Grandma looking like David fixing to go to work on Goliath. She looks down and there lays her Bible. Now, I‘m not talking normal size Bible here. Grandma may be a little woman but she doesn’t do anything small. When she prays, she prays big! When she reads the Bible, she reads a big Bible! The Devil is coming for the young ones with cocky arrogance; no hurry at all. He is full of himself, thinking, nobody’s going to mess with me!!!  I’m the big bad Devil, well that over confidence is about to be his undoing.
                Faster than greased lightning, Grandma in her Sunday school dress, with four kids hanging on for dear life, jumps for that big Bible. In one brilliant swoop she smacks the Devil right good in the knee cap with both hands hanging onto that Bible and he lets out a scream of pain. Now Grandma has the Devil at her level and she shows him that he is in her court and that she is in charge at that particular moment. She hits him in the head numerous times with that big Bible. All I could see was Grandma wailing on the Devil and her arms moving so fast they were a blur. The power of the Lord filled Grandma and that big Bible. Every time Grandma hit the Devil, it sounded like thunder rolling. I couldn’t move but I had the best seat to see Grandma work him over. There is the Devil getting thumped repeatedly, from the hellcat that Grandma has been holding in for so long. That was one determined Grandma whacking on the Devil.
                From my view, I watched the Devil crawl back to the Cadillac, licking his wounds and in shock as Grandma scored a knockout in the first round. He drove out of there spinning gravel lickety-split. The Cadillac swerved side to side and disappeared into the ashes of hell. I betcha he is not the cocky big monster/man he was a moment ago, no sir! The Devil was thumped to smithereens by a Grandma with four crying children latched onto her as the power of the Lord worked through that big Bible and a tiny spunky God fearing Grandma.     
HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY LITTLE TALE OF GRANDMA. MORE COMING YOUR WAY, SO YA’ALL COME BACK NOW YA HERE.

1 comment:

  1. Good story Glen......keep up the good work! :-)

    ReplyDelete