Done With The Workin' Shite!

Another visit to the Doctor today. There never going to end. Can't keep my blood thickness in the normal range. Hell that's cause I ain't NORMAL! I do not know anybody that's normal! So why should any test we take be normal? Seems me blood thickness level is all over the charts! I reckon it be a good thing that I got some kind of a filter do-hickey-thing-a-ma-bob hooked up inside of me. I think of it as like a fuel filter on your automobile. Something comes through that shouldn't it stays in the filter and don't screw up your engine or make it run rough. Err, in me case a blood clot stopping me heart. So I be better than ever like a new filter in yer Hyundai Sonata. Damn whaaaaaaaaaat technology we have today! I cannot remove it till my blood stays a consistent, consistency. Hell. I don't want it removed! Leave er in a few years and put in a new one, with all the technology, keep er in! If I would of had me one of them filters I would not of had the problem you know of passing out tuning blue not breathing and such!  I was charged many times with them shock-yer-ass-back-to-life-paddle-electrical-thing-a-ma-bob's.

Heart's good, blood pressure's good, I feel pretty good overall, 'cept I think I'm done with this working stuff. I'm not starting over again at my age. The mental strain has already taken much toil, and the situations that pert-nert finalizes this old man of recent months has added a couple shovels full of dirt on my newly dug grave. Don't want nor need the hassles and struggles of doing the right thing anymore, when others don't. I'm a dying breed too close to that on September, 17 of this year. I found myself able to return from the physical adventures of almost planted six feet under in my local city cemetery.

Please do not fool yourself we old uns are a dying breed. We were taught values, work ethics, loyalty, trust and all the necessary common sense tools to survive in our world. Todays world is different, different in good or bad I will hold judgment on.

I FEAR THE ADVANCEMENT OF TECHNOLOGY, IS DESTROYING THE LATEST GENERATIONS, BECAUSE I THINK THE INFORMATION, TECHNOLOGY WAVE HAS HIT US TOO HARD, TOO QUICKLY AND OUR MINDS, OUR VALUES, WHAT HAS MADE US WILL CONSUME AND DESTROY. NOT AN EASY PILL TO SWALLOW AND I DON'T SAY THAT WITH PLEASURE. I HAVE WORKED ALMOST 50 YEARS AND HAVE WITNESSED THE GOOD AND THE BAD. I'M JUST ANOTHER OLD MAN PUT OUT TO PASTURE HAVING DONE HIS JOB WITH HEAD HELD HIGH.

VALUES, FAMILY, WORK ETHICS, HONESTY AND SO ON AND SO FORTH ARE NEEDED TO CARRY ON, TO EACH GENERATION. MAN I'M NOT FEELING GOOD ABOUT WHAT I'VE WITNESEED IN THE LATER STAGES OF MY LIFE.

"HOW CAN I SAY THAT?" I'm sorry to say I witnessed the same thing I experienced in my working life and everyday business dealings in a hospital. That sums it up for me!!!

Screaming, My Conciousness!

A couple weeks ago I'd say my consciousness was minimal. I now need to let er rip,, whatever be up there please come out ol' Glen wants to play. I fear . . . my sense of humor has run away. No! No! can't be, whatever will I say?

Can the brain be overloaded, say like the colon, you know, fresh stuff in, old shit out.  (that's pretty funny, ha, ha!)  Sorry, I be on my way back, nah I ainna sorry 'bout that. I feel I've lost out on a lot of funning, when I was away.

One thingee, I lurned, fer sure, ya just can't force this here stream of consciousness thing.  If its flowing fun for me, hopefully, I can get a grin outta you. See when I try to stifle, the flow of me stream, by damning it, then I say, THEN strange things may happen, like proper spelling, punctuation, and educated, ya know schoolin', which I nevur, lurned, no how. I grew up going to school, then comin' home and readin', my favoritiest author, Samuel Clemens, ya know Mark Twain. How would one expect a poor country boy, who's relatives were from the hills and hollers of Kentucky be any other way?

Whow-wee, I seem to be in a right fine mood 'bout now. I certainly need it I was in a bummer of a mood nye onto ten days or so. I hate when that happens, don't know how to stop it, I just try to ignore it, till it goes away. Could drink booze, nah . . .  could do drugs, nah . . .  I'm doing enough legal ones now, don't know how the fuck I could be depressed?

You know I have been getting a lot of hits from Ukraine, and Russia. I find that so special, because there all from my older posts. I believe the people of Ukraine and Russia, might identify with a simple poor old man, like me. I be just ME, a tryin' to be no one other than ME.

What did I do today? The same I been a doin' fer several weeks now. Sleep, eat, take my medicines, check my blood pressure, glucose level, do some walkin', try, I SAY TRY, to find something worth watching on the tell-e-vision, that sur-nuff is hard to do!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

'Bout now . . . yer askin' yerself, what be the deal with the ZZZs? Don't know, it's late and I should be in bed, I reckon that had somethin' to do with it.

I'm writing this part below the ZZZs about ten days later. It's 6 am December 26. Had a sweet potato casserole for dinner and as a snack later on, yummy, yummy, yummy, like a sweet tater pie in me tummy!  Later on as I try to sleep them sweet taters were a growlin' in me belly!

Enough of that crap! Let me see if I have anything a swimmin' in the ol' stream of thought consciousness thing.

Well one think just popped into my mind, me belly be a rumbling so I better hid to the you know. At least a synapsey thing fired so there was no mess!

How do I get out of this mess I thought myself into?

True to one's, self!

Once . . . I had my favorite time to jot down some thoughts, Now that I have anytime, I have nothing to say. I need a reason something to shake me up. Well, I don't want a reason to be shook up. No longer anyhow. It is actually a challenge of a different kind, of which I've never experienced. I sleep when I want, I eat when I want. I live without a set schedule. Perhaps I can actually grasp the old saying "The Life Of Riley." Actually . . . I never thought I would be in this position. Life has put me in this position, so I reckon I'll grasp it and go with the flow. Not much else to do, too old to start over, plus my desire, my faith in humanity escapes me now. The right thing, is a lost, forgotten phrase.

Seems I have lived a lifetime of emotions, physical and some very personal issues, I thought would never happen, this year. Well . . .  was I fucking wrong! There are some options, I chose not to follow, I'm tired you see, tired of fighting for what's mine. I'm old, give out! I have experienced places few go, to return again. I'm no smarter, just more tired you see. To fight for what's right, seems so meaningless, as the tides roll in with more of the continual erosion of ethics. I am but one finger attempting to keep the levee intact. Can't be done! My hope, enthusiasm, my zest for life has been depleted. A lifetime, plus another lifetime, rolled into the last three months or so has drained me. To fight now will only deplete the life's reserves I may have left. I have fought my own battles for too long, my armor, by sword can no longer be held, it drags behind me as a reminder that I no longer wish to carry. Can't if I'm to live again for whatever time I have left. I wish with all my heart I could believe as so many seem to. I must think through my heart the way I've always thought. I must live within me and be satisfied with what I feel and think. After all justice of heart is a just soul, and if there is a power that can read my heart, then I wish to be not another hypocrite as I feel so many are!

I GIVE YOU MY HEART AND SOUL FOR CHRISTMAS. GLEN

The Stupor Of Life

I think to myself, I've not awakened from the stupor of September 17th. Hallucinations, dreams, I still am suffering the side effects of my heart stopping and no breathing. I lay comatose in the hospital waiting to wake up with my world returning to normal. A lot of effort from several people and two hospitals work valiantly to give me another shot. That shot I deserve from giving my all and being a human being.

My faith has been destroyed. I grew up in a world where honesty, loyalty, humanity to my fellow man meant something. I'm not talking faith as in religion, I'm talking bare bones, the nitty-grittiness of humans helping humans in time of need. Where dollars mean absolutely nothing. Its not pushing the knife blade deeper and jiggling it all around to finalize the kill. I'm not an animal! I thought I was a human being, therefore worth a second chance, all, and everything to get me back on my feet again.

In today's world is loyalty to a human being or $$$$$ more important?

I hope you never have to answer that my friends for I have learned the answer the hard way and I know!

The Days Come, The Days Go

The days, they come, they go

Never . . . do we know, what tomorrow brings

Good, bad, once in awhile ugly . . .

We have no choice, we must see them through

Hopefully, peaceful sleep, sweet dreams

Shall make the next day brighter, than those before

Thoughts mirror our current attitude of the heart

Thoughts devour, if we allow

Thoughts can hold our head high

Aye . . . thoughts 

Thoughts addressed, through the heart carry more value

Than ones, in the heat of the moment

THE TIMES OF TRIALS ARE SO TRYING. DO WE USE THEM AS A BUILDING BLOCK FOR THE FUTURE? DO WE GIVE UP?

I SHALL TAKE THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE. MY BATTLES BEHIND ME I LIVE FOR PEACE.

I HAVE NEVER KNOWN, TRUE PEACE, AT TIMES IT SEAMED REACHABLE, ONLY TO ELUDE ME, LIKE A PINATA.

SOME, SEEM TO HAVE FOUND PEACE WITHIN A MAKE BELIEVE WORLD. I DO NOT LIVE IN A MAKE BELIEVE WORLD. I LIVE IN THE REAL WORLD.
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I SHALL CONTINUE BEARING MY THOUGHTS, SOUL. HEART. I'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION WORDS, RATHER THE RELEASE OF WORDS THROUGH MY HEART, SHALL GET ME THROUGH WHAT LIES AHEAD.

THIS FORMAT I COME TO YOU NOW ON, WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE USED AS A DIARY OF SORTS. THE MIND CLEANSING CAME ABOUT BECAUSE I HAD TO LEARN TO TYPE. SEVERAL YEARS LATER IT MAY SAVE ME AS I STRIKE THE PINATA EVEN BLIND SIDED AND WANT THE GOODIES IT CONTAINS.

I BEGIN A NEW CHAPTER, AFTER LIFE ALTERING EVENTS. TO SEEK OUT NEW WORDS, PHRASES, STORIES WHERE I'VE NOT GONE BEFORE.
 

The Old Man And The Sea!

I fear . . . the wind, has perished. The un-escapable wind has sent my sails a fluttering through thick and thin, well over sixty years ya see. I find myself adrift, without load. Lost somewhere in the world of money, over souls. How does it feel? Lonely, extremely lonely! A ship without a flag riding my mast,current heading seems no where.  Adrift, no purpose. Shall the stars guide me, giving the wisdom of the universe, all cultures behold such beauty of the starry skies containing infinite wisdom. Wow! I wish some of that wisdom. I'd be so smart, if I only had just the tiniest fraction. Knowledge of certainty is so much more valuable than all the opinions garnered through a lifetime of all.

I am but, an old man adrift, the continents so full of people contains righteousness that makes little sense to me. The ones in power, lead without heart, driven by money. My heart was slain, after it had already stopped. Several months after my heart heals, as my mind and body returns to near normal, a massive downpour rains on my parade. While healing the reality of true business takes me down again.

After once more regaining my balance, the old man can now see, in the lonely sea of wayward souls, sent there not by their, fault rather the ones that have power over us. I shall take the path offered me. My stream has been long and curvy filled with numerous obstacles that has taught me life in a nutshell. We cannot control what life deals us but we can control how we deal with it.

FOR ITS NOT WHAT YOU'VE DONE, IT'S WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME, AS IN THE ONES IN CHARGE, IT'S WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME TODAY! THEIR LOSS IS MY GAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GROWING OLDER MEANS DIDDLY-SQUAT UNLESS YOU CAN TAP INTO THE LIFETIME OF LIVING. I'M FROM ANOTHERE ERA WHERE LOYALTY ONCE MEANT SOMETHING.

Please don't feel sad for me, I will feel better than yesterday, today and much better in all the tomorrows to come. I shall join the "Life of Riley", enjoying this Christmas in ways I've not, in 20 years. The Christmas shows and regular holiday movies are making life feasible once again and wanted in ways I've not, in a long time.

I HAVE LIVED A LIFETIME AFTER GIVING ANOTHER SHOT SINCE SEPTEMBER 17 th, OF THIS YEAR. LIFE HAS HIT ME HARD, AS SEEMS A LIFETIME OF TRUE PERSPECTIVE ALMOST LOST THIS OLD BOY!

Believe And Know

The word believe echoes through my mind after seeing it on television. Why it rings so clear mystifying me. We all know what the word means, don't we? We probably use it every day but do not stop to think upon its meaning. I believe in few things, family, spouse, well there has to be more! I believe the sun will shine tomorrow. Well what if it's cloudy all day? I believe, strike that, I know it's up there.

Ah, most interesting. . .  I believe, I know. I believe does not give me 100%! I know does, because I know, what I know, with absolute certainty.

I was taught math in school, I have used it all my life and know with certainty, everyday. Math was my best subject in school, it made sense.

Nothing else did I learn with certainty. English, still don't understand, don't want to, I just love to have fun with it.

What I believe is a lifetime of seeking the truth, that's hard, everybody knows the truth, don't they?

We humans are so wishy-washy, some days we know the truth with certainty, other days we question with more than our head, our heart get's in the way. Is that truly the way I feel?

I tend to believe in my heart, for it speaks true, but we tend to ignore it and think things through. I think I do not believe in the way of the masses, never have. I try to fool my mind as does the world by brainwashing. I do not believe in mainstream doctrines, the masses will follow where the most popular of whatever or anything leads them. Humm, wherever  the money goes, they shall follow.

I DOUBT THIS IS MAKING ANY SENSE AND DARE TO TOUCH UPON IT! ALL I CAN SAY IS I KNOW WHAT I KNOW BECAUSE I KNOW IT FROM OVER 60 YEARS OF LIVING AND LISTENING TO MY HEART. THE HEAD AND HEART ARE A FINE TEAM IF WE USE THEM AS ONE!

Ramblin', Man, Just A Thinkin'!!!!!

A spark, a thought come hither, old Glennio needs help, a lot of help! I sit here trying to think but can't get started. I shall write anything and everything that enters my mind. This ought to be fun, after yesterdays pouring of the heart. The truth, feelings thoughts hurt sometime that's why I have you out there in blogland, cheaper than a shrink. We all have our ups and downs, don't we? The cleansing of the mind and heart is a good thing, sure beats a colonoscopy!  ( Place smile here. )

I wrote my little heart out on yesterdays post, now I say fuck it retire, go bug my buddy Timster and retire to Florida. The life of Riley is for me. Sip margaritas, watch the girls go by while I still have my eyesight. Get me a new puppy like my old friend Punkster. Ride the roads searching for adventure, yep retirement! ( Hell yes! )

Right now at this moment I feel good. Why? Hell I don't know but I'll sure as hell take it. Perhaps it's the milk and a handful of pills, yep give me some good ol' American milk where the milk cows have been shot full of medicine. Whether we like it or not we are addicted to the shit put into everything we eat or drink. Hell alcohol is probably the safest thing to drink. Why? Because it has alcohol to cure the mind and clean out the impurities in our body.

'Bout now yer sayin', this boy be full of shite, yep and proud of it! Not true. I go regularly every morning. I be full of pills that's fer sure. I have some cake along with me milk, I made a cake, a yellow cake with chocolate icing, sugar free, good once you get used to it. My glucose level needs to stay down for me to feel better. Surprising the foods you can enjoy, but you must take the time to cook. That right there boys and girls, that be the problem! Working parents with children can't find the time, soo, lets grab a pizza. fast foods, they're a killin' us faster and faster. Y'all know this here old fool be right. I have learned by being forced to eat smarter, dag-nap-it, I ainna gettin' no smarter but I'm eatin' smarter! Yes I is! Ya see I be a doin' the cookin'. Use to love to cook and learned at a young age, my firstus job at the age of 16 was a busboy for my great auntie, Anna Mae a Kentucky woman who was a hell of a cook! Well now she took me under her wing and gave me more cookin' lessons. Ya got to have time and patience to cook properly. I was also a grill cook for the busy times.

Startin' at the bottom like as a busboy a cleanin' up them tables, is what some of these here young-ins need. You work, earn your way up and as your earnin' ye be a learnin at every job. Yes sir my good friends.

OH SHITE!!! I be a ramblin', yes sir, I love to ramble!!!

Ya know I been a thinkin' and a tryin' not to voice my opinion on delicate matters! It be hard though!

You know The U. S. A. has roughly 350,000,000 people. We have always been a mixture of all races. Well now that's just what we, er, can't change that. Hatred runs within families, work environments, everywhere you go and that's a fuchin' sad fact!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take the larger city in America, they've always been home to all cultures. The way this here old country boy understands within say, New York and Los Angeles is many cultures that have their own parts of the city.

Cities within cities it seems, per my understandin' AND A, I, don't understand too much. How and why did this happen? Well seems like most groups like to be with their own. Their culture lives on. That's quite alright I reckon.

Well now, seems hornets nest are opened when others barge in. Well yeah! That's only natural huh? So what be the answer, well seems the lawmakers have made laws, that's the problem! Keep these lawmakers out of all the different races areas. Yep that ought to fix the problem hey? Sure!!!!! Let all the different races police themselves. Hell yes, seems only right. How in tarnation would this ever work? We have people from all nations of the world. Let them make their own rules and police them!

 THAT THERE BOYS AND GIRLS WOULD SOLVE ALL THE PROBLEMS, WOULDN'T
IT??????????   OF COURSE, HAS TO, ALL RACES GET ALONG WITHIN THEIR OWN RACE. THERE WOULD BE NO MORE KILLINGS, EVERY ONE WOULD LIVE IN COMPLETE HARMONY, JUST LIKE SINGING HYMNS IN CHURCH!!!

Well now how many pure Americans is there? That be a hard question to answer! Damn America has always been a mixture of the world. We done went and killed off the pure Americans the Indian. So what do we do now start killing off all the races, DAMN! How many true blue Americans, be left. Gosh darn it wouldn't be enough left to fight our wars, farm, raise crops for the world. Shite Russia, China, somebody with more than a few citizens would take us over. Mexico or Canada could take us over easy!

SEEMS I really got lost on my rambling! After all Ricky Nelson died a long time ago, so now I'm The Rambling Man.

With all these police shootings and racial out cry, let blacks police black neighborhoods, whites police white area, and so on and so forth. All races police themselves.

JUST A THINKIN!

FATE

Do you believe in fate? What is fate?  Fate to me is predetermined. I really never dwelled upon it before. I am now fascinated by the simplicity of the word! If our destiny is set for us then why try altering anything? If we cannot and we come to realize that it seems like our life would be so much simpler.

If we combine fate with faith, now we're on to something. We have faith that our fate cannot be altered and follow the daily path no matter where it takes us.

Wow! Is that simple or what?

We cannot change the weather. We can dress accordingly and be prepared.

We can have an abundance of information, an overload it seems today. Will that change the course of events?

I watched a few minutes of discussion a few minutes ago on a subject I find interesting. The conversation between two scholars started off slow so as I a simple man could follow, then they blew up the words and phrases to the extent they become confusing. Many words and long winded terminology lost me! Yet they did not seem to address the question therefore solved nothing.

At this moment in my life after the devastating ordeal with hospitals and such another life altering event happened two days ago, makes me ask the question, why care or try any more seems the proverbial straw that broke the camels back has done me in mentally and physically. I'm a boxer down for the ten count and no more in me to get up, only to get up and be knocked down once more. There is no more fight left in my tired old soul! I'm done, I have give my all . . . all my life and have a few regrets.

Animals will give up, go into shock and die without hope. Example of which I documented in a case where my dog Nic-O-las gave up and was almost lifeless. I was determined to change that and over a two day period put forth life back onto him by giving him the will, determination and much needed love to continue.    (((This two part post is in my archives in September or October of 2010 titled Nic-O-las. )))

I NOW HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION FATE IS PREDETERMINED AND RARELY ALTERED.

FAITH I LOOK AT AS BEING THE ABILITY TO ACCEPT FATE. SIMPLE HEAH!

I HAVE USED MY DETERMINATION OF FIXING AND CHANGING, THINKING UPON ANY AND ALL THINGS, ONLY TO SELF-DESTRUCT, DESTROYING MY LITTLE WORLD AS I ONCE KNEW IT.

DOES NOT MATTER IN THE LEAST IF I AM RIGHT! A LIFETIME OF LEARNED LIFE LESSONS AS I APPLY THEM, MEANS SQAUT! WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO BE RIGHT AND SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES, ONLY TO BE SMACKED DOWN FOR THE TEN COUNT. STILL ALIVE BUT REELING FROM ALL THE TRAINING PUT INTO IT FROM A LIFETIME, OF JABS, AND HOOKS, SO MANY TIMES, I GIVE UP. IF THIS IS MY FATE I GIVE UP AND FOLLOW THE REST OF MY LIFE SITTING IN MY ROCKING CHAIR FILLED WITH SO MANY HITS TO THE HEAD, I HAVE SIMPLY QUIT THINKING.

MY MOTHER IS OVER 80 YEARS OF AGE, STILL WITH A SOMEWHAT SOUND MIND. I SHALL NEVER GET THERE BECAUSE SHE INADVERTENTLY, or . . . IS SMART ENOUGH TO WEATHER ALL THE STORMS IN HER LIFE. SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH MORE THN I, YET SHE HAS CARRIED ON EVEN IN THE HEAVIEST LOAD, A TRUE PILLAR OF STENGTH IN WHICH I NEVER HAD.

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Only a few months ago and several times in the last few years while lying awake before sleep, I thought to myself, "IF THE REST OF MY LIFE PHYSCALLY AND MENTALLY DEEPENS WHAT I'M NOW GOING THROUGH THEN I WOULD LIKE TO PASS AWAY IN MY SLEEP!" 

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IF YOU BELIEVE IN FATE, ACCEPT IT WHICH AT THIS MOMENT I DO, THEN DON'T FRET!

I NOW SEARCH FOR THE FAITH TO FOLLOW MY FATE . . . OF WHICH I'VE SEARCHED A LIFETIME FOR!

I FIND MYSELF AS MY YORKSHIRE TERRIER WAS ONCE, GETTING COLD AND LIFELESS AS SEEMS THE WORLD I HAVE KNOWN HAS DISENTIGRATED AROUND ME. I NEED THE LOVE AND DETERMINATION FROM PEOPLE AND THE STRENGTH WITHIN TO CARRY ON!

I WILL WRITE IN MORE DETAIL SOMEDAY ABOUT THE LAST STRAW ON THE CAMEL'S BACK. THOSE OF YOU THAT FOLLOW MY MOST HUMBLE BLOG MIGHT ASK "WHAT CAN BE WORSE THAN DYING FOR A FEW MINUTES AND SURVIVING."

SEEMS MY WISH WAS TEMPORARILY GRANTED. NOW A LIGHTNING BOLT OF CURSE OR BLESSING DEPENDING ON HOW THIS HAND I WAS DEALT TURNS OUT!

YOUR PROBABLY ASKING "HOW CAN ONE GIVE UP AND ASK TO PASS AWAY IN THEIR SLEEP?" I HOPE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THERE AND NEVER DO!

I HAVE BEEN NUMB OF HEART AND MIND RECENTLY, THIS LAST TURMOIL I MUST FACE, DECIDEDLY AT THIS MOMENT PLAYS OUT WITH A HEAVY HEART, MORE SO THAN THE BLOOD CLOT THAT ALMOST KILLED ME.

I CAN AND DID RECOVER FROM THE NEAR DEATH EXPERIENE OF MY HEART STOPPING. ONLY MY FATE WILL MAKE ME RECOVER FROM THE HEAVINESS THAT NOW RESIDES IN MY HEART . . . . .