I've been writing everyday, that's right, been trying to get back to where I once was. Doubt my writing is any better. I shall never write, right as in what I was taught in school. Funny how it didn't mean anything, just a way of passing until I was out of school. Absolutely loved learning until middle school. Grades were really good, I loved to read, that was my escape. Things happen in life that change us forever. Can't change that can we? I look backward and see my life so clearly, now! Trying to forget about certain points of the past, doesn't seem to work. Funny how a thought buried deeply will resurface at the strangest moment. Emotions of a particular point surfaces with the same magnitude of yesteryear. Amazes me for a second and I change my mind to something else entirely, like caressing my dog, its gone as fast as it come.
Here I sit thinking about my first day of school, almost 60 years ago. Afraid? No. A new challenge, before you know it I'm 18 years of age, high school under my belt.
I must prime my brain to get the synapse a firing, ain't as easy as it once was. My mind is still in grade school, my body is still functioning. When I was 18 I was the rabbit, now I am the turtle. Not complaining just writing a little story, automatically coming from the caverns of me noggin. ( That be brain. ) Seems to me I have been starting my post with some humor, then I go wherever, or whatever, I don't care just let it flow, baby.
My Yorkie Rambo, all 4 pounds of him, never leaves my side. At this moment he's asleep within a foot of me laying on my mouse pad, yep he's that little. Pretty damn brilliant when your that size you need a big body for warmth and protection. My other dog, Taco, a Chihuahua, likes to play but he's twice the size of Rambo. Rambo will use me as protection from the bully. Taco will lay down to be on the same level, they'll play, if Rambo is in the mood, if he's not a certain bark will warn me and I'll have to be his savior. Wow, must be nice to have a savior. There a heap of fun, they keep me alive in more ways than one, if you know what I'm saying. Probably have kept me going, there are days where I just don't see a reason to get out of bed. "Oh no!" thinks Taco, he manages to get in my bed and starts jumping all over me, "get up, get up, you lazy master, time to play!" I'm a child again laughing at him, until I roll over and get out of bed! Animals are literally lifesavers for some people, I'm in that group.
You don't mind if I just ramble do you? I was diagnosed a long time ago with manic depression, today seems everybody uses that excuse to not be productive. Those of you that have read my blog for a spell can probably see that in my posts. I sometimes will think both sides of the coin. It becomes quite entertaining at times, at these times I can laugh at myself. Others times it's not fun, take my word for it. I love it when I'm mellow, I hate it when I'm you know . . .
Some days I'm relaxed as if I was partially drunk, on these days I'm a bit of a klut, you know knocking things off a shelf, table and such. On these days I must be careful, I have fell and won't drive. I'm not sure why, low blood sugar I suppose. I have been trying to eat much better. I've give up, sugar completely, well that's almost impossible! Don't eat bread, potatoes, pasta or drink milk. This winter I don't want to leave the house, don't have to, so I don't. You see every time I leave the house seems, I must go to a fast food joint. Badd habits die hard. I figure it be best to kill off them badd habits a fore I kill off! Sugar and chocolate has always been my downfall.
Some days, my innards are plum riled up. I've been trying to figure the why of that out. Once again I believe old habits die hard. My lower back has been hurting for awhile . When I'm in one of these antsy spells I've noticed, I don't sit properly, favoring the right lower back. I'm aware of this and try to readjust, seems to be helping. I will take a few really deep breaths and my upper chest seems to relax, making me sit more relaxed. May seem silly but I'm trying to be aware of these bad habits.
I do find it extremely difficult, if not impossible to keep my mind on the same track. I have revisited some of my older post and it does not seem like I wrote them. One that comes to mind is Snake Oil Pitch, I continually get hits. I'm amazed, thrilled actually. In reevaluating that post I chuckled. I will give them automatic writers credit for that, I'll tell you what I want them to help me out more.
I INTEND TO KEEP PECKING AWAY HOPING FOR HELP FROM SPIRITS, WHOMEVER. I LOVE HAVING A HOBBY WHERE I CAN EXPRESS WHATEVER IS ON MY MIND. I'VE COME TO THE CONCLUSION EVERYBODY HAS FEELINGS THEY DON'T WANT TO ADMIT, PREJUDICES, IDEAS THAT MAKE US SEPARATE BUT NOT EQUALS. MOST ARE NOT EVIL, DAMN IT WE'RE HUMAN!!! THERE ARE THESE TYPES OF ISSUES I TEND TO STAY AWAY FROM ON MY BLOG. SLOWLY BUT SURELY I'M GONNA GET AROUND TO THEM. IF NOTHING ELSE JUST TO GET SOME THOUGHTS GOING FOR A FEW SECONDS ABOUT WHATEVER.
I'M ATTEMPTING TO READ THE BIBLE, SOMETHING I TOLD MYSELF I WOULD GET AROUND TO SOME DAY. CHECK ONE OFF MY BUCKET LISTS, YOU KNOW. I HAVE A CHRISTIAN UPBRINGING BUT NEVER FELT GOOD ABOUT A LOT OF WHAT I EXPERIENCED IN AND AROUND CHURCHES, AND THEIR FOLLOWERS. I LITERALLY COULD WRITE A BOOK ABOUT MY FAMILY'S EXPERIENCES AND MY DETAILED THOUGHTS CONCERNING THIS. I HAVE SHIED AWAY FROM THIS KNOWING, THIS IS SOMETHING YOU DON'T WRITE ABOUT. WE'RE SO CONVINCED THAT HOW WE WERE RAISED IS THE ONLY WAY. I FIND THAT NOT ALWAYS SO. CHILDREN IMITATE THEIR PARENTS AND FAMILY. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS!
I believe that, we must come to terms with ones self, following the heart first and foremost! The experiences we come across after living life is so valuable. How can one throw away these valuable tools, emotions, evaluating, understanding what the heart feels every day.