IT'S ONLY . . . MAKE BELIEVE!!!

The day brought forth much sunlight, no wind, 57 degrees, WOW! It warmed, me heart, I need that! I have been sleeping like an old bear, all I wanna do is lay under the covers on cold dreary days, Sleeping and dreaming is free, and wonderful, right now.

Come hither Glen, into the caverns, unleash the pent up, filed away emotions making you a stronger man. Yeah baby, I wanna some of that!

While painting the living room, the pains of me old body showeth with fury. I rolled on the walls, but the wear of my right shoulder when I held it high caused the shakes of former injuries on the trim, I had to call in reinforcements on that, a good thing, I can't get up and down like I once did. Tylenol is no longer enough, the body rebels, and goes into shock! For two days I hurt in places where I never knew I had places before! We got 'er down and looks right nice.

It said "DAMN! What the fricking hell, are you a tryin to do to me! You ain't been doing did-dly squat! You crazy ol' freaking, creaking, numb skull!"

I present to you once again one of my inner voices who has remained quiet for a long, long time, here now is Joe Pesky.

 "I did not want to rattle your chain during the dying, hospital, lost of job thing. I knew you were depressed. So now that I feel you can handle the truth, well now I wish to give you both barrels of my shotgun!"

For those of you that have read Joe Pesky's comments before, he tells it, like it is, like John Taffer on the show "Bar Rescue." Oh no! I been watching too much telvision! John Taffer is a cut to the chase kind a feller, I absolutely love him! He be my kind a man! He's my hero as far as management goes. Dag nap it, I be a wanderin' . . . imagine that!

Joe Pesky "Ya see Glen I know yer a good ol' boy, that unfortunately got tangled in the web of a printing press, and was fucked up, for awhile. You had the misfortune of having a little blood clout to the heart thing, okay! okay! okay! Soo you checked out for a little while. A little vacation is good for you! Also the down time for the brain probably did not hurt, after all you ain't no, physicist! The restarting of your heart a few times probably charged your battery for several years to come! You become a victim of the system, meaning you got sick, bye, bye. Old fuckers like you are a waste of time in the modern world! Supposedly the lifetime expectancy keeps a rising. Once you old farts die off it'll go down hill. Ya see these here so called energy drinks will kill this young-ins off, also there's so much other illegal drugs, with all the huffing and a puffing going on, if their bodies don't kill them off as in a caffeine induced heart attacks, then . . . them drugs will fry their brains. They be hooked on spices sold legally, with LSD type side effects, coming into the country stir fried and right to your door.

In a time where CONTROL is needed, there ain't none baby! Whose in control, the government, your Daddy, I don't think so!!! There ain't enough good Daddies to go around. If you ainna, gotta, a good Momma and Daddy you're thrown into the devil of a society! You a thrown to the wolves, yes you are, and who are the wolves? They be them devils in sheep's clothing! Most ainna, gonna make it! You see more people living at home with their parents than ever, and more grandparents raising the grandchildren than ever before.

What's to be done? I cry for the newer generations, and what's to come. Is there hope? Hope is gone baby! That is a over used word! I don't have to read the newspaper. which I never will again. Don't have to look at the world news, its so obvious to me in my little world here in the heart of the Heartland. We build, new fancy schools, spend all the money like it's grown on trees, or printed on printing presses as we need it. There is absolutely NOTHING to secure the intelligence of our children. Why should there be? They don't see it, the parents, schools, states, bureaucrats, NOBODY A SHOWING IT!!! WHO . . .  do they have to look up to? It has become a world of make believe, yes it has! We have give our children too much! Too much of a good thing has killed the goose that laid the golden eggs. The world IS, make believe to the ONES that play chess with we, the billions of slaves. We are led down the path, of unrighteousness, by the same class of money hungry, power controlling, whatch-a-ma-call-them's, that we always have, and we're too fucking looking with our heads up in the clouds, or in the sand to know or simply give a fuck abut it. The upper crust of the middle class can still afford their new homes and S.U.V. You'll see even the poorest of the poor working peasants with the latest smart phones costing hundreds of dollars and one can guess how much they spend a month for them. The latest afflictions to all of us, is the ever increasingly dependence on phones. SHITE! their not even phones anymore! They taketh the users to places they've never been before. They take us farther than Star Trek could ever imagine. I have seen the information technology go leaps and bounds into the future too fast. We have warped ourselves into a future unimaginable a generation or two ago.

Who is in charge of the world? No one knows! Common sense tells you it is the richest of the rich, AND how did they get so rich? They control us, and everything in the world. They control the militaries and if you control the militaries and all branches of government you can think yourself God.

So we the peasants are given our toys, prescribed to us by "THE ONES," I have no other words to describe them! Their real, but we do not know them, nor will ever. Thank them for the lowering of intelligence. They win before the child is born, they know what will happen in the years ahead, they are way ahead of us and we cannot win.

OH WELL, JUST THE RAMBLINGS OF AN OLD MAN WHO CHOOSES TO STAY IN MY HEAD, THE INTERPRETATION OF JOE PESKY, WHOSE ONLY CLAIM TO INTELLIGENCE HAS BEEN REDUCED TO LIVING HIS LIFE INSIDE OF ME. I'M TIRED AND SICK OF THINKING, "WE THE PEOPLE"   CAN CHANGE THINGS, WE'RE DEALT A LOSING HAND AND THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO IS PLAY IT OUT, HOPING FOR MIRACLES THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. THE ONLY MIRACLE WILL BE THE LAST CHECK OUT!"

TAKE ME THERE

I hurt my back a couple weeks ago, old age and moving thing ya know. Well the only place it don't hurt is lying flat on my back and my legs elevated. I lay motionless and nothing on my body hurts at all! Well know that's a mighty fine feeling! No not just lying there, but the NOTHING hurting. I'm relaxed as a live person can be. My mind no longer runneth over thinking about this and that you know. Since I'm hard of hearing the outside noises doesn't bother me. I go into a blank state of mind and before you know it I'm in a dream. In my dreams I am the master of me and all things.

I get many hits on my old blogs and this puts a rare smile on an old man's face. I receive many hits from eastern Europe, all old posts. There is this one titled "Inner Voices And Elijah", that I had forgotten about, a rather long one for me. As I visited this story once again ( Posted August 23/2011. ) It was like reading it for the first time. Chills come over me. I ask, "where did that story come from?'' I do not know, but I want more like that. That my friends is the kind of writing I wish to do. Something takes me higher and before you know it the story is done. I love telling stories. Not just any old stories, the ones where the keyboard and mind become one, nothing fazes me until the story is complete. Like the first paragraph and being totally relaxed, something takes over and the real me, comes out. Stream Of Consciousness I suppose is what its called. Like going into a nap and playing inside my dreams I wish for more of the chills that taketh me over. It's so lovely I want to revisit this place in my writing. It's me the real me and I wish the addiction to take me over. I want to see where my mind is capable of taking me. My dreams are so real, I could lose myself there forever. I want my innermost highs and lows to take over when I'm writing. The real inside hard to reach caverns to take over when I sit down. It takes going within and not letting my conscious mind of surface skimming to abide by some imaginary lifelong rules. I want the real thoughts and imagination I experience in my dreams to rule. That's why I took up writing at an age where retirement is expected. I want my held back thoughts to come out, I wish to play the game to its fullest in the later stage of my life.

I WANT THE READERS TO BE ABLE TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES, FOR IT'S NOT ALWAYS THE EXACT BLACK AND WHITE WORDS THAT PRODUCE THE STORY, IT'S THE FEELINGS YOU READ INTO WHAT I WRITE THAT TELLS THE STORY I WANT TOLD. I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND AND IDENTIFY WITH ME! LET THE GHOST WRITERS IN MY HEAD HELP, BECAUSE LORDY I NEED IT   

In Search Of

Hello friends. In the age of caffeinated jet fuel for the young-ins of the modern age I have weaned myself totally off of the caffeine buzz. I know! DAMN . . . never thought I could do it! My blood pressure has been real good for months, yip-pee! I drink milk, water and decaffeinated drinks. Hells fire, I gotta no place to go, soo, why get there sooner!

I been a thinkin' about reviewing these stinkoid programs they call. REALITY, or I could give some more vulgar descriptions of some, of . . . of . . . I don't have the words of wisdom to describe them! Just when I think I've screened rock bottom, I witness hell in all its glory! Actually it has been quite comical, I tell myself, "I ainna gonna watch a no more of these bottom feeders of a so called program!".  Scum sucking, fucking mind numbing ????????????????? So I have in mind reviewing for y'all out there these here so called whatch-a-ma-call-them, shows. Ya see I have absolutely nothin' to lose! I be retarded, and retired, so I already fucked up and a little more won't matter.

I thought I had seen some screwy people in my life but these people on these programs are literally out of this world!!!!!!! Yeah that be the only way this here old boy can explain it. Hey I ainna kiddin' ya! If you think I am channel surf and wow-za, smack dab in the face any hour of the day!

I will become a television critic, for those of you that don't have the time to watch stinkoid T.V. I on the other hand have the time.

This could be a lot o fun, I wanted to be a movie critic in my younger years, so maybe I will be a television critic in search of intelligent shows. Maybe, just maybe I've found my calling in life. There has to be intelligent life forms out there somewhere, please join me as I venture into uncharted territory of ignoramus fucking morons. You know I have stumbled, rather, fallen and returned back to life and found where my destiny lies. Wrap my long lost sense of humor to television viewing in search of . . . ???

PRIDE AND DREAMS

I have a plenty, yet nothing worthwhile to say. Huh? I know it's plum silly. I'm becoming a expert in watching television. It is something to occupy my eyes, wiling away the hours with pretty colors, and shows carrying little meaning. I sit down at the computer and wait for wisdom, nothing comes! Wisdom of my lifetime is a waste, in the modern world, lost somewhere in everything and nothing. Attained over 60 years of actual experience through heartaches, lessons learned only through a learning . . . well . . . I don't a wanna learn, no more! My fullness of life's lessons have over flowed. No! no! no! not saying I'm smart, quite the opposite! Ignorance is bliss. Use to I could write a funny line or two most every night. I wish for that to return! I'm no longer angry, I have gone through all the normal emotions one would expect in the last six months. I find myself waiting for direction. It will come, don't feel sorry for me.

I'm existing, existing is life, right? I need more! I need purpose, a purpose to sink my heart into. Religion is not my cup of tea.

I've not done anything of any importance, only breathing my share of oxygen for a spell. I'm going to paint the living room, doesn't matter how much I do in a day after all the importance is in the doing. The final product and accomplishment should give me pride. Pride is a wonderful feeling. I've always taken pride in my work and have accomplished many things.

My dreams have returned to a standard never experienced before. I now live my emotions inside where I've never gone before. Their deeper, fuller, where love take me high than I've ever felt before. Hate has left, what a crying shame, so much can be done with hate, a non-stop, never to end blog can be fueled with such a worthless emotion. Hatred, anger damn near killed me, bringing me not to my knee, but flirting with death.

For I now live my emotions in my dreams. So much better than any man made movies. I awake for a few seconds and feel the fullness of the emotions allowed to me within that dream. Colors are superior, the wind in my face is more, so much more. All is deeper and that my friends has allowed me to find comfort once again. For within my dreams I am me without any reservations.

The daily waking sameness I now find myself in, seems not real. Like I'm stuck in a Twilight Zone episode I cannot change. nor have the power too. Existing the day away without hope, to be more. If not for my wife, my four legged companions, I would have no wish to carry on. Luckily for me I have reasons to carry on.

In painting the living room I took much longer, yet I got er done. I must take more breaks but have no races to win.

The racing is done as I coast for awhile, looking for my piece of the peace until the last tomorrow.

 

The Old Man

The old man gets out of bed, shakes the cobwebs out of his head, and stretches his legs to get them going. The first step after putting on his house shoes are unsteady. His body seems to have aged twenty years in the last several months. He looks at himself in the mirror thinking "DAMN!!! I have Bill Clinton's bags under my eyes!" His morning necessities seem to take longer, you know the bathroom routine! He gets a glass o milk and a toast and cheese sandwich. Goes to his chair in the living room, his butt barely eases down ( Everything is easy in movements since retirement. ) and his dog is in his lap. Warm comfort to a tired old soul. It is not yet daylight and he stares out the double window where the worker bees are a buzzing to work. Seems oh so long ago he was one of them. Daylight creeps in and he watches the birds of many different feathers flock for breakfast. Man this time of the year they tear the bird feeders up! You can lose yourself in the simplicity of watching them. Daylight to dark, their happy for a free meal. Traffic on the main road picks up then slows down as the workers have reached their destination and are creating product and all the what-nots of their duties. The worker bees are a buzzing for survival. For it be the survival of the fittest, older generations are put out to pasture whether they want to or not. The old are dispensable, replaced with modern versions, that are paid cheaper. That's the way its always been, more so today where insurance, money, we're just a number carrying a lifetime of aging that companies no longer will carry.

The old man finds it harder to get out of his chair, more times going to the bathroom, age has finally took its toil. Just not the body, the mind has finally accepted the inevitable. The last few years his battery was slowly depleting, he chose to ignore the signs and push on, after all that's all he's ever known. Work till you drop, finally the drop happened with such magnitude, reality hit him hard, smack-dab like a killers bullet between the eyes. Still he shrugs off the time in the hospitals and prepares to get back amongst the worker bees. Strength coming back with him working out, after all work is all he's ever known, after all no one gets ahead by being idle!

It was not to be after recovering nicely physically, briefly visiting a place where few return from, mentally he was shot down, visiting a mental place that almost took him down equivalent to the minutes of no heart beat, nor breathing. Devastated as to how the scenario played out, the old man forced into the pasture where old horses go.

Experience, wisdom, devotion means little. After a lifetime of learned knowledge, it means diddly-squat.  

SURVIVOR

As we put 2014 to bed, I for one am glad. The ups and downs of 2014 about done this here old boy down! Nothing is for sure, not even tomorrow. I have learned many lessons, probably more than all my others years combined. Sheesh, I reckon a survivor is a winner, hey?

One word or a short phrase will turn into a short vision in my head, many times during the day. I'm never near my computer, I've tried writing down a few keywords, but it's not the same, when I try to write it the feelings accompanying the thought is gone. I must have that feeling to produce. No! I don't have a portable computer, I'm not important enough to need one. I'm an old fashion man with old fashion ways, which I do not wish to give up until my last forever sleep. I reckon I'm still living in the first 30 years or so of my life. That would be the 50's, 60's, and 70's. I'm not saying that there was always good times. I'm a simple man with simple ways and those times fit me better. I was young still learning about life. I had a fire in me belly, that's burned out. I felt as though I could do anything, just put my mind to it. I gave my all no matter what the challenge was. I enjoyed all the simple pleasures of life. Motorcycle riding was fantastic, fishing was relaxing, going to the movies was still the adventure I loved as a child, sex, well sex was a new adventure in exploration and closeness as two people can find.

Well shit! What am I trying to say. I'll give an example. I have cable with an unbelievable amount of channels. I find myself forever searching for something to enjoy. I recently discovered by accident that I have channels from 1010 up to 1500. I ask myself "what the hell is this all about?" NOBODY told me about this!!!I have a 42 inch screen, so channels thru 250 are what I have been a tryin' to find something worth watching. Probably half these channels I cannot get, well now I fucked something up on me remote a couple Sunday mornings ago and I was getting new clearer, sharper channels around 1200. I realized this higher channels were in high definition. WHY? Seems I don't understand ANYTHING any more and by dog-gie I don't wanna! These channels are mostly the same channels as my low channels but much clearer. The colors are prettier, everything so much better. Shite I can see a tick on a dog's butt. The close ups on older stars, sheesh! DAMN!!! they be OLD!

I reckon the key to aging is quite simple, just be a survivor, out live the others. Fer whatever the reason, I'm still alive, don't do one no good to think about it. Whether I been good or bad, don't mean diddly!

SOMETIMES IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A SURVIVOR, SOMETIMES I FEEL SO OUT OF PLACE I WANT TO HIDE. IT IS WHAT IT IS I RECKON, AND I BELIEVE EVER ONE WILL MOST LIKELY EXPERIENCE THAT BEFORE THEY CHECK OUT.

I FEEL LIKE A KID AGAIN WHEN I CAN ACTUALLY FIND SOMETHING GOOD TO WATCH ON MY BIG SCREEN TELEVISION OF MANY CHANNELS. ALMOST . . . AS GOOD AS I FELT WHEN WE HAD THREE CHANNELS IN BLACK AND WHITE, COMING HOME AFTER SCHOOL AND WATCH "THE MICKEY MOUSE CLUB." DAMN HOW THINGS CHANGE.

I been a drinkin', and a thinkin'  (That may be a bad combination, I drink sprite zero.)

One More Day!

Got through another day today. Sometimes it seems that's all I have. A daily ritual of somewhat boredom. I have no desire to tackle anything therefore I'm not productive. Is living productive. Cooking dinner, doing laundry, going to the supermarket, where I find nothing super, being productive?

It's supposed to be -14 tonight and I could only find one of my gloves today. the daytime temperature was only 11 degrees with the north wind howling "brr, brr, cold!" So one of my hands was snuggly warm and the other was in my coat pocket. Well now, I thought "this may work on a sunny day with the warmth of the sun in my reasonably warm, Mercury, but . . . I may need both hands, therefore both gloves before winters over. " (smart ain't I?) Funny it's the coldest day of the year and I had me the hankering, fer chocolate milk! (hankering means, desire, want, I need some chocolate ya know!) OH! by the way gasoline be $2.15 here in the middle of the Midwest. Who would of a thunk it? (yes I meant to say thunk! Got to watch me now I'm feeling a mite high, I fixed a pot o chili and just consumed a bowl!"

Where the hell was I now, I plum forgot! Oh, oh, oh! I did watch Doc Phil. You can bet your arse there be people crazier, fucked up a heap more than me! Doc Phil needs him a Doc Phil House in every city in the U. S. of A. heah! The one thing fer sure is, I can see why there be so many messed up children today. Because there's so many one parent families, yet both parents are fucking nuts. I'll preside over the Doc Phil House in my city.

What the world needs now besides LOVE BABY, is truth! Must be the food and water consumed today, every body be fucking nuts. Remember now I'm only a few months out of the workforce, I seen it first hand and still see it in my little world! EVERYBODY . . . knows everything . . . They don't know diddly!

Okay I seen Doc Phil a long time ago on the Oprah when he was a consultant for Oprah over the remark she made about beef. Yeah . . .  somebody got thier panties in a pinch about what she said! Well now Doc Phil was liked by the big O, and he was on her show. What I liked about this here good old boy from Texas was he told these crazy arse people what he thought! He cut to the chase. Well now that's what I like. If somebody be fucked up, don't give them a lifetime of once a week one hour sessions, or crazy pills. Hit them betwixt the eyes with the truth baby!!! Tell them the truth, let them cry, pout, throw hissy fits, and get over it! NO, modern therapy ainna workin' baby!!!! If it is, why we got so many fucked up people? I say three strikes and you're out baby! Don't keep on makin' babies . . .  to be further fucked up! Makes no sense to a once brain dead old man!

I been a watchin' some shows like Bar Rescue and so on and so forth. Many shows be on where a smart person goes and helps straighten out a hotel, bar, restaurant so on and so forth, ya see. Well to cut to the chase, the people owning, running, managing be fuckin' stupid. They cannot manage, are dumber than Owl shite! Another words, "they ain't got no common sense!!!"

SO TO MY RECOLLECTING, AS AN OLD MAN NO LONGER IN THE WORK FORCE, THE MOST BASIC THING MISSING IS THERE BE NO COMMON SENSE ANY MORE. AN ALIEN SPACE SHIP, SURR-NUFF DONE SWEPT DOWN AND FUCKED WITH EVERYBODY'S MIND. THAT'S MY STORY AND I'M STICKING TO IT!!!   Goodnight