Believe And Know

The word believe echoes through my mind after seeing it on television. Why it rings so clear mystifying me. We all know what the word means, don't we? We probably use it every day but do not stop to think upon its meaning. I believe in few things, family, spouse, well there has to be more! I believe the sun will shine tomorrow. Well what if it's cloudy all day? I believe, strike that, I know it's up there.

Ah, most interesting. . .  I believe, I know. I believe does not give me 100%! I know does, because I know, what I know, with absolute certainty.

I was taught math in school, I have used it all my life and know with certainty, everyday. Math was my best subject in school, it made sense.

Nothing else did I learn with certainty. English, still don't understand, don't want to, I just love to have fun with it.

What I believe is a lifetime of seeking the truth, that's hard, everybody knows the truth, don't they?

We humans are so wishy-washy, some days we know the truth with certainty, other days we question with more than our head, our heart get's in the way. Is that truly the way I feel?

I tend to believe in my heart, for it speaks true, but we tend to ignore it and think things through. I think I do not believe in the way of the masses, never have. I try to fool my mind as does the world by brainwashing. I do not believe in mainstream doctrines, the masses will follow where the most popular of whatever or anything leads them. Humm, wherever  the money goes, they shall follow.

I DOUBT THIS IS MAKING ANY SENSE AND DARE TO TOUCH UPON IT! ALL I CAN SAY IS I KNOW WHAT I KNOW BECAUSE I KNOW IT FROM OVER 60 YEARS OF LIVING AND LISTENING TO MY HEART. THE HEAD AND HEART ARE A FINE TEAM IF WE USE THEM AS ONE!

Ramblin', Man, Just A Thinkin'!!!!!

A spark, a thought come hither, old Glennio needs help, a lot of help! I sit here trying to think but can't get started. I shall write anything and everything that enters my mind. This ought to be fun, after yesterdays pouring of the heart. The truth, feelings thoughts hurt sometime that's why I have you out there in blogland, cheaper than a shrink. We all have our ups and downs, don't we? The cleansing of the mind and heart is a good thing, sure beats a colonoscopy!  ( Place smile here. )

I wrote my little heart out on yesterdays post, now I say fuck it retire, go bug my buddy Timster and retire to Florida. The life of Riley is for me. Sip margaritas, watch the girls go by while I still have my eyesight. Get me a new puppy like my old friend Punkster. Ride the roads searching for adventure, yep retirement! ( Hell yes! )

Right now at this moment I feel good. Why? Hell I don't know but I'll sure as hell take it. Perhaps it's the milk and a handful of pills, yep give me some good ol' American milk where the milk cows have been shot full of medicine. Whether we like it or not we are addicted to the shit put into everything we eat or drink. Hell alcohol is probably the safest thing to drink. Why? Because it has alcohol to cure the mind and clean out the impurities in our body.

'Bout now yer sayin', this boy be full of shite, yep and proud of it! Not true. I go regularly every morning. I be full of pills that's fer sure. I have some cake along with me milk, I made a cake, a yellow cake with chocolate icing, sugar free, good once you get used to it. My glucose level needs to stay down for me to feel better. Surprising the foods you can enjoy, but you must take the time to cook. That right there boys and girls, that be the problem! Working parents with children can't find the time, soo, lets grab a pizza. fast foods, they're a killin' us faster and faster. Y'all know this here old fool be right. I have learned by being forced to eat smarter, dag-nap-it, I ainna gettin' no smarter but I'm eatin' smarter! Yes I is! Ya see I be a doin' the cookin'. Use to love to cook and learned at a young age, my firstus job at the age of 16 was a busboy for my great auntie, Anna Mae a Kentucky woman who was a hell of a cook! Well now she took me under her wing and gave me more cookin' lessons. Ya got to have time and patience to cook properly. I was also a grill cook for the busy times.

Startin' at the bottom like as a busboy a cleanin' up them tables, is what some of these here young-ins need. You work, earn your way up and as your earnin' ye be a learnin at every job. Yes sir my good friends.

OH SHITE!!! I be a ramblin', yes sir, I love to ramble!!!

Ya know I been a thinkin' and a tryin' not to voice my opinion on delicate matters! It be hard though!

You know The U. S. A. has roughly 350,000,000 people. We have always been a mixture of all races. Well now that's just what we, er, can't change that. Hatred runs within families, work environments, everywhere you go and that's a fuchin' sad fact!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take the larger city in America, they've always been home to all cultures. The way this here old country boy understands within say, New York and Los Angeles is many cultures that have their own parts of the city.

Cities within cities it seems, per my understandin' AND A, I, don't understand too much. How and why did this happen? Well seems like most groups like to be with their own. Their culture lives on. That's quite alright I reckon.

Well now, seems hornets nest are opened when others barge in. Well yeah! That's only natural huh? So what be the answer, well seems the lawmakers have made laws, that's the problem! Keep these lawmakers out of all the different races areas. Yep that ought to fix the problem hey? Sure!!!!! Let all the different races police themselves. Hell yes, seems only right. How in tarnation would this ever work? We have people from all nations of the world. Let them make their own rules and police them!

 THAT THERE BOYS AND GIRLS WOULD SOLVE ALL THE PROBLEMS, WOULDN'T
IT??????????   OF COURSE, HAS TO, ALL RACES GET ALONG WITHIN THEIR OWN RACE. THERE WOULD BE NO MORE KILLINGS, EVERY ONE WOULD LIVE IN COMPLETE HARMONY, JUST LIKE SINGING HYMNS IN CHURCH!!!

Well now how many pure Americans is there? That be a hard question to answer! Damn America has always been a mixture of the world. We done went and killed off the pure Americans the Indian. So what do we do now start killing off all the races, DAMN! How many true blue Americans, be left. Gosh darn it wouldn't be enough left to fight our wars, farm, raise crops for the world. Shite Russia, China, somebody with more than a few citizens would take us over. Mexico or Canada could take us over easy!

SEEMS I really got lost on my rambling! After all Ricky Nelson died a long time ago, so now I'm The Rambling Man.

With all these police shootings and racial out cry, let blacks police black neighborhoods, whites police white area, and so on and so forth. All races police themselves.

JUST A THINKIN!

FATE

Do you believe in fate? What is fate?  Fate to me is predetermined. I really never dwelled upon it before. I am now fascinated by the simplicity of the word! If our destiny is set for us then why try altering anything? If we cannot and we come to realize that it seems like our life would be so much simpler.

If we combine fate with faith, now we're on to something. We have faith that our fate cannot be altered and follow the daily path no matter where it takes us.

Wow! Is that simple or what?

We cannot change the weather. We can dress accordingly and be prepared.

We can have an abundance of information, an overload it seems today. Will that change the course of events?

I watched a few minutes of discussion a few minutes ago on a subject I find interesting. The conversation between two scholars started off slow so as I a simple man could follow, then they blew up the words and phrases to the extent they become confusing. Many words and long winded terminology lost me! Yet they did not seem to address the question therefore solved nothing.

At this moment in my life after the devastating ordeal with hospitals and such another life altering event happened two days ago, makes me ask the question, why care or try any more seems the proverbial straw that broke the camels back has done me in mentally and physically. I'm a boxer down for the ten count and no more in me to get up, only to get up and be knocked down once more. There is no more fight left in my tired old soul! I'm done, I have give my all . . . all my life and have a few regrets.

Animals will give up, go into shock and die without hope. Example of which I documented in a case where my dog Nic-O-las gave up and was almost lifeless. I was determined to change that and over a two day period put forth life back onto him by giving him the will, determination and much needed love to continue.    (((This two part post is in my archives in September or October of 2010 titled Nic-O-las. )))

I NOW HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION FATE IS PREDETERMINED AND RARELY ALTERED.

FAITH I LOOK AT AS BEING THE ABILITY TO ACCEPT FATE. SIMPLE HEAH!

I HAVE USED MY DETERMINATION OF FIXING AND CHANGING, THINKING UPON ANY AND ALL THINGS, ONLY TO SELF-DESTRUCT, DESTROYING MY LITTLE WORLD AS I ONCE KNEW IT.

DOES NOT MATTER IN THE LEAST IF I AM RIGHT! A LIFETIME OF LEARNED LIFE LESSONS AS I APPLY THEM, MEANS SQAUT! WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO BE RIGHT AND SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES, ONLY TO BE SMACKED DOWN FOR THE TEN COUNT. STILL ALIVE BUT REELING FROM ALL THE TRAINING PUT INTO IT FROM A LIFETIME, OF JABS, AND HOOKS, SO MANY TIMES, I GIVE UP. IF THIS IS MY FATE I GIVE UP AND FOLLOW THE REST OF MY LIFE SITTING IN MY ROCKING CHAIR FILLED WITH SO MANY HITS TO THE HEAD, I HAVE SIMPLY QUIT THINKING.

MY MOTHER IS OVER 80 YEARS OF AGE, STILL WITH A SOMEWHAT SOUND MIND. I SHALL NEVER GET THERE BECAUSE SHE INADVERTENTLY, or . . . IS SMART ENOUGH TO WEATHER ALL THE STORMS IN HER LIFE. SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH MORE THN I, YET SHE HAS CARRIED ON EVEN IN THE HEAVIEST LOAD, A TRUE PILLAR OF STENGTH IN WHICH I NEVER HAD.

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Only a few months ago and several times in the last few years while lying awake before sleep, I thought to myself, "IF THE REST OF MY LIFE PHYSCALLY AND MENTALLY DEEPENS WHAT I'M NOW GOING THROUGH THEN I WOULD LIKE TO PASS AWAY IN MY SLEEP!" 

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IF YOU BELIEVE IN FATE, ACCEPT IT WHICH AT THIS MOMENT I DO, THEN DON'T FRET!

I NOW SEARCH FOR THE FAITH TO FOLLOW MY FATE . . . OF WHICH I'VE SEARCHED A LIFETIME FOR!

I FIND MYSELF AS MY YORKSHIRE TERRIER WAS ONCE, GETTING COLD AND LIFELESS AS SEEMS THE WORLD I HAVE KNOWN HAS DISENTIGRATED AROUND ME. I NEED THE LOVE AND DETERMINATION FROM PEOPLE AND THE STRENGTH WITHIN TO CARRY ON!

I WILL WRITE IN MORE DETAIL SOMEDAY ABOUT THE LAST STRAW ON THE CAMEL'S BACK. THOSE OF YOU THAT FOLLOW MY MOST HUMBLE BLOG MIGHT ASK "WHAT CAN BE WORSE THAN DYING FOR A FEW MINUTES AND SURVIVING."

SEEMS MY WISH WAS TEMPORARILY GRANTED. NOW A LIGHTNING BOLT OF CURSE OR BLESSING DEPENDING ON HOW THIS HAND I WAS DEALT TURNS OUT!

YOUR PROBABLY ASKING "HOW CAN ONE GIVE UP AND ASK TO PASS AWAY IN THEIR SLEEP?" I HOPE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THERE AND NEVER DO!

I HAVE BEEN NUMB OF HEART AND MIND RECENTLY, THIS LAST TURMOIL I MUST FACE, DECIDEDLY AT THIS MOMENT PLAYS OUT WITH A HEAVY HEART, MORE SO THAN THE BLOOD CLOT THAT ALMOST KILLED ME.

I CAN AND DID RECOVER FROM THE NEAR DEATH EXPERIENE OF MY HEART STOPPING. ONLY MY FATE WILL MAKE ME RECOVER FROM THE HEAVINESS THAT NOW RESIDES IN MY HEART . . . . .        

A Mind . . . Stuck

I sit here drawing blanks. What can I say, that's not been said before? Apparently nothing! Every day is the same. I seem to be lost in the land of limbo. I sleep, eat, take my many pills, exercise, watch television looking for something to spark my brain. My body is not ready to return to work nor is my mind. I'm stuck in a rut and cannot see beyond, nor wish to look back. I'm existing but need more than that!

I cut myself ever so slightly opening a can of dog food, a tiny cut that would not stop bleeding. Several hours later I check my glucose and could not get enough blood to get a reading. I stuck different fingers a total of four times and not even a drop to get a reading on my glucose monitor. I find that kinda funny, opposites, is me. I am a man of opposites continually opposing ME!

After my recent ordeal with death, for some reason I convinced myself there was a purpose, somehow. Another opportunity to do the same or an opportunity at enlightenment, I wait for the enlightenment, I need the enlightenment otherwise the same as before, as always, will be the death of me.

To always follow the same worn path seems meaningless. Back to the same schedule of working, existing, until death takes me, simply another old man waiting.

I search to explain what is truly on my mind. It seems somewhat shutdown. I tire of thinking, I tire of trying to make sense of any, and all things. I wish for the existing without thought like an assembly line worker that's done the job so long it's automatic. Thinking, making sense where there is no sense seems fruitless. Another day comes, sleep becomes longer, no reason to hurry out of bed.

I'm not asking for any kind of pity. I simply place my thoughts for all to see. Returning to work, to the vast sea of no sense, does not thrill me at all! I know I must, for that's all I've ever known!! 

Late night thinkin' !!!!!

Okay! okay! okay! I've had enough of this shit! I pretty much quit going to W Mart for a number of reasons. I went there last night at 2 AM. They have monopolized the retail industry in many places. I had to check myself out! Duh! I don't want to be a cashier and bag boy! I said "I'm not returning and did  not for a long time.

Over the years you've read many articles about the way they treat there employees. I know nothing about this, luckily I don't work there!

I'm talkin' as customer, former customer! Their just so handy, their the only retail on my side of town. I believe that's the idea run every other store into bankruptcy.

There is no customer service any more! I'm sure we all have had umpteen problems dealing with all types of service.

I'm tired of many things damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Headlines seems for forever have talked about immigration, gay rights, health care, smoking, illegal drugs, legal drugs, the list goes on and on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT nothing is ever done about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When we think of immigration we think of the ones from south of the border. Why, because their extremely poor people trying to earn a living at the lowest pay.

Why not really make a dent on the war on illegal drugs, and invade Mexico, fix the drug problem? Ainna never, gonna happen. Too much money involved, greasing the right wheels, I mean lining the right pockets!

Fix the drug problem and give the poor people jobs!

Nobody is serious about fixing the drug problems!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In my hometown in the Midwest, we have more people from Japan, India, and China doing the technical work as in Engineering and such, more than the poor from Mexico.

The consensus is here in the United States we are not smart enough to do them any more!!!!!!

I find that hilarious as the amount of money being poured into the school systems, education in general, and our I. Q.'s is going into the crapper.

Whaaaaaaaaaaat the fuck be the problem?

Here in my state they want to fund pre-school. I for one say no. We have kinder garden, I do not wish to pay for baby sitting for others. The parents, or the way it is any more, parent must work with their children.

Throwing more and more money is not going to fix the problem. Our Politicians believe in fairy tales, they think money grows on trees, and is printed as needed. Oops that's what their doing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think we ought to take high school graduates and let them be Senators and Congressmen. As far as the Executive Branch, huuuuuum, I gotta think on that one.

I bet you could take sixth graders and do a better job!

All these highly trained monkeys I I I I  I I . . .  mean Politicians.

You know . . .  I don't know what they do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everything they deal with, seems to get more and more screwed up!

YOU KNOW I'VE FINALLY COME TO THE AGE THAT I KNOW N-O-T-H-I-N-G! I FREELY ADMIT IT! WHATS THEIR EXCUSE?

 Oh my . . . my stream of consciousness be a flowin' this AM Sunday morning!

I'M TIRED IN A DIFFERENT WAY THAN WHAT I HAVE TALKED ABOUT IN MANY OF MY PREVIOUS POST. I'M TIRED OF GETTING UP EVERY DAY AND PUTTING MY GAME FACE ON. 

I'M TIRED OF ALL THE BULL ONE MUST WORK THROUGH JUST TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY, ONE WONERS IS IT WORTH IT OR NOT? 

FROM THE SIMPLEST JOB TO THE LEADERS OF ALL LANDS, THE AMOUNT OF CRAP SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Little Asshole!

My Terrier/Jack Russell is faster than I am. I have a fenced in back yard where I let him out, but he slipped through me and got out the other door. Well once in a great while he does manage to do this and he's off a runnin' and a runnin' and all sense he has, runs away, he only knows, just a runnin, a free bird, oopsey free! Last night it is was about 14 degrees, if he would of snuck out, he would not stayed out long, however it's about 40 right now and I cannot get him to come to me. Jack is his name and I rescued him awhile back. He has sense inside, but when he feels the ground under his paws all sense dissipates into ancestor wild dog thing.  ( Little asshole! )

I went outside several times, enticing him to come to me. NOPE. he gotta be who he be, a wild dog fer a spell. FINALLY he decides,   "I best mind or no food for me tonight!"  ( Little asshole! )

The last time he got out I found him growling at two German Shepherds, apparently he don' know his size! I managed to get a hold of him and scowled him all the way home.  ( I doubt he cared at all, felt so good he had to run. )     ((( Little asshole! )))

Once he came home after his run-about, looking like a baby pig in mud. Straight to the rub-a-dub-dub-little-piggy-tub.

Another time during a cold snow he timed the door just right and off on a run-about he goes. I laughed to myself, "he won't be gone long, too darn cold for a run-about."  Sure-nuff, I stayed at the door and about a minute later he came to the door a barkin'.  I asked him "too cold fer ya huh?"  He come in shaking snow off, like a shakin' water off.

But Wait There's More!!!!

GOSH DARN IT!   Once more, I'm at a lost,    ( That sums up me whole life! )  what to write, without the emotional challenges of work, I'm stuck, big time! I don't like it! Surely I'm more than work?

I've never been through such trials of the last couple months, but damn it does do, things to your mind! ( I love that, does do thing, I just did! Does-do, does-do, ah, ha, ha, ha! I've gone completely nuts! )

I would describe the first week of being off as "HUH?" I knew nothing!

Second week was hope, turn despair. Home for a couple days and the side effects of medication saw me returning to a bigger, SMARTER, big city hospital.   "Hallelujah!"

Maybe I best do a short summary for y'all that don't follow me blog regularly.

I was found laying on the floor at work turning blue, a couple friends done C. P. R. until help arrived, I was shocked with defibrillators from the firemen, and in the ambulance on the way to the hospital and again at the hospital, where I was placed on life support, for about four days. I was down for the count, and miraculously recovered. Eight days, many tests and medicines later I was sent home.

BUT wait . . . there's more!

How can I top, coming back?

Sunday after coming home on Thursday I was coughing up blood with small chunks of important inner stuff, and bleeding internally. Another ride in the ambulance but my county hospital sent me to the big city hospital. Well they pumped this here old man's insides with blood, and other good stuff. After another eight day stay, I returned home.   "Ain't no place like home!"  

So after about three weeks into my game of being a Doctors toy, and knock, knock, knocking at death's doors, I return home so weak I could not walk unaided. My energy level was maybe a 5 out of a hundred.

Its been close to eight weeks now, slowly my strength returns. Boredom is sitting in. Please don't feel sorry for me, it was inevitable until my strength is back and complications are resolved.

I paid a visit Friday night to work, breaking up the doldrums, seems it be the same o, same o. I do not miss the crap, but do miss working. Many of my fellow workers talk to me, guess what, it was not good! Compared to what I've been through I feel somewhat stupid mentioning it, but it's true.

I have a feeling this holiday season will be my most memorable since my childhood. Already, I wish to put the tree up, I'm serious. My wife thinks I'm off my rocker but I don't care!

I know I ramble but that's me.

I wish not, to return, to normal, I know not what normal is? If normal is, what I come into contact and work with everyday I wish to stay me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love dreams and a good imagination, that's what I shall live for until the end.

WHAT HAVE I LEARNED?

Enough to write a book, yet meaningless! I have always tried to share in my everyday world, of which I've learned in the college of Hard Knocks!