Christmas for you!

It was the night before Christmas, not a creature was stirring, all pigs were dreaming with smiles on their faces. Ya see, their favorite person, Bill Lee Hill had gave them special feed, Bill called it "the holiday feast." Bill would never say what the secret ingredients was. It became a Christmas occasion, for his family. They would come to the barn before bedtime and watch as every single hog and piglet would be sound asleep as though hypnotized. Laughter did not disturb, nor the petting of the little ones. Chuckles of dizzy delight echoed though the barn.

Bill Lee was someone special in the hog raising world. Not only did he have an uncanny nack with his favorite four legged friends, he was a down home simple man that could come head to head with any animal, a regular animal whisperer he was.

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THIS STARTED OUT AS A CHRISTMAS FUNNY. A LITTLE JOKE ARTICLE I WROTE  WHILE AT WORK MANY YEARS AGO. I WAS CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET AND FOUND  BITS AND PIECES OF SHORT ARTICLES WRITTEN BY HAND, WAY . . .  BEFORE I BEGAN THIS-HERE-BLOGGEE-THING-A-MA-DOODLE. I TYPED THE FIRST ELEVEN WORDS AND MY MIND WENT SOME-WHERE'S ELSE. ( can you imagine that? ) I RECKON "CAUSE BILL LEE HILL IS MY ALL TIME FAVORITE CHARACTER. SO NOW I'MMA, GONNA CHEAT YA AND DO THE LITTLE FUN CHRISTMAS PIECE AS I ORIGINALL WROTE IT.

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It was the night before Christmas, nary a pig were a stirring, down on the farm.

Bill Lee's carharts are hung near the fireplace, for some much needed air!

Bill hopes Santa would bring him a brand spanking new pair.

Soon, Saint Nick would certainly be there.

Bill's back sure hurts from all those scoops.

So many pigs, a lot of pOOp!

Pigs was heard squealing, from high in the air.

Bill strained his eyes, a looking there.

Twelve giant hogs pulling a sled, with a white haired, jolly fella all dressed in red, was coming in for a landing.

"Not up there, down here, I don't wanna shovel turds, off my roof!"

Santa laughs, "okay Bill" handing him a years supply of carharts.

Bill cheers and immediately puts on a brand new pair.

Santa says, these old ones are mighty ripe!"

Bill went inside throwing them into the fire.

Suddenly, flames were a shooting everywhere!

A shock wave of burning methane knocked him for a loop.

Next year "Bill thinks, I'll place them on the stoop.".

Bill runs to the barn, to show his favorite sow, his new suit, he were a happier than, a pig in slop.

"These new coveralls are awful stiff,"  as he runs, falling into the pig pen.

How quickly, Bill broke his carharts in.

Santa was heard laughing over head, as he threw another pair of carharts to poor ol' Bill.

                                     Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!!!!

Old age and patience!

I wrote something yesterday about The Elitist, You hear this word on the news channel, well not the local news, the big all the time news. Seems my local news is okay, except for one thing. The lead off story is about, someone dying, car accident, home fire, shooting. I tune in several minutes late to watch the weather, sports and such. I'm not sure if I'll post the thought on the Elitist, my mind was stuck on that subject.

I just fixed myself a glass of ice tea. The weather has been so nice here, around the 60 degree mark, it will hit 65 today, ice tea just seemed fitting. I find myself doing as little as possible, and thinking the same. I have no desire to leave the house. I go to the doctor, store and see my mother. Too challenging to do anything else.

I use a C. Pap machine to sleep. It went bad a couple weeks ago, was a real pain in the ass, just attempting to get it worked on. The diagnostic screen showed bad power cord. Seemed simple enough to fix just get a new power cord right???

I don't drive much, especially across town to the doctors office. I tried something different. The last couple times my blood pressure has been high. I asked my sister who doesn't work if she would be my chauffeur, "sure" she said. This time it checked good. She said "call me anytime and we'll take a ride." We get to visit, works out good for both of us. I suspected as much on the blood pressure thing. It simply makes me nervous, I get irritated at the other drivers, it takes all my concentration and I have little anymore.   

I have no patience for stupidity! Not that I'm so smart, but I have common sense, something that is not too common, apparently in my little world above the Ohio River. I enter my local store and the receptionist asked "can I help you?" First mistake

She ask "my name." She types away on her computer and informs me "you have an inactive file."

My response was, "yes, haven't needed your services in awhile, I get my supplies through the mail, this machine is three years old."

She says, "your insurance card is outdated." I was standing there with my new card in my hand.

I have a weak bladder especially the first thing in the morning. I ask "can I use your rest room please?"

Her reply "we don't have a public restroom." Ah all, WRONG thing to say to me!

"I've never heard of a customer depend business like this that caters to us old folks that doesn't have a rest room." I reply with my legs tightened against my  . . .  you know.

I was getting lathered up a mite. I reckoned, per the little screen on my smart machine that I just needed a new power cord, ya see I have knocked it off the night stand a couple times.

I said "if you'll just let me see a technician we can get this settled real fast."

She asked "can you bring this back tomorrow?"

Ah oh! I replied "I have not slept for two days, since it went bad Saturday, and you want me to wait another 24 hours?"

YA SEE STUPIDITY HAS SET IN HERE! I NEED A NEW POWER CORD, A TECH COULD GET ME ONE AND I COULD BE OUT IN 5 MEASELY, SHORT, QUICK MINUTES, BUT NO . . . I'M DEALING WITH A RECEPTIONIST THAT DOESN'T KNOW NOTHING!

I was getting upset, and I need to use the rest room, I was in a deep quandary. So I said "apparently I'll have to go find a rest room before I can continue." I walk out the door a talkin' to myself, OOpsey out loud, "never herd of a place of business that don't let you use the bathroom!"

This is another reason why I don't like to go many places, me bladder ainna, whatta, it used to be! Lord have mercy, my friends, there ainna, nothing that works like it used to, add in the medicines I must take to survive, like water pills! I had this all figured out, I got up plenty early and took my meds. Even if I have to go, ya see, I'll just pop into their little boys room, no harm no foul it seems! To me anyhow.

I leave disgusted and pissed off, ( little funny here ) My sister is driving me, my mother's house is real close, so that's where we go. After thinking I called my wife and told her, she said "I'll take care of it for you." That's another reason I don't go out and about anymore. I'm hard of hearing so I always do business in person, Well within an hour I had my machine back, quite amazing ain't it?

SOMETIMES I THINK I MUST SPEAK RUSSIAN OR SOMETHING. THIS WAS AN EXAMPLE OF ONE LITTLE THING I GO THROUGH.

I 'm suppose to go once a month for blood work for clotting. The Doc. said "come anytime." I have been, and there has been no problem. A couple months ago I had several chores in town, and I hate being in town! I go over to my Doctor's office for blood work. The receptionist who always handles it said "go ahead and sit down, I'll tell them." She then picks up her purse and left, as in going home, I watched her drive away. Another woman asked me. "what did I need?" She said "we cannot do this now."

I remind her, "I was told to come in anytime," to get this simple procedure, like getting your blood sugar checked. One simple poke, blood comes out they read it. Simple huh?

Then a third person came out and "told me they cannot do it today."

I were gettin' perturbed! By then the whole office was listening to me. I was the only one in the waiting room. The nurse who usually does this was there, but she did not say anything.

I should a kept my mouth shut, but NO! "I made the point of getting this done today." I said " I drove all this way to get this done and you cannot do it? What's the matter is it too late in the day, you're certainly not busy?"

"The Doctor is not here to read it," the office manager said.

I said "he can read it tomorrow !" I left a shakin' me head, I we're a gettin' hot under me collar.

So I didn't go back that month, or the other. It has been checking fine for many months, they're loosing money because of this.

The next time I go every three months for a check up. My blood pressure was great ya see, my sister drove me. They treat me like royalty that visit, all of us talked and laughed, they made a special point of being nice to me. I pay their salary you know!

WELL I RECKON I HAVE MEANDERED ENOUGH. PATIENCE IS SOMETHING I WISH I HAD. MY WIFE HAS IT, MY MOTHER HAD TOO MUCH. DO YOU OUT THERE HAVE IT? I TOTALLY THINK THAT COMMON SENSE FOR THE MOST PART IS GONE.

Mendacious

I wish to revisit automatic writing. Automatic writing = writing automatically. Damn that be right simple. Hope I clarified that fer ya. Everybody knows what writing is. Automatic is like yer car, put 'er in automatic and go like hell, until a stop light. Follow me now as I attempt automatic writing after taking my late night medicine. I take so much medicine it's a wonder my mind even works. As the medicine makes me woozy, the screen becomes hard to see.

My newest, favoritiest word is mendacious. Not a pretty word but a real doozy. There is so much of this word going around it reminds me of politics. Aw shite! I told myself but myself never listens, "I'm not going to discuss politics, nor religion."

You know, I have found myself in a new predicament, imagine that. I thought nothing about everything, and everything about nothing. ( Did I just say what I thought I said? ) That makes sense to me at this point in my life. Seems my mind is the same as when I dwell in coma, as in thinking about nothing, or watching the 24 hour a day news.

I have a question for you. Why do we need 24 hour a day news? I'm old enough to remember when we didn't. Is this the creation of a billionaire? Makes sense now. Poor old Ted Turner, creating the nightmare in the tube. Twenty four fucking hours of a mind control experiment to brainwash the masses. Yer asking "did he succeed?"

O. F. F. will give his nickel's worth of  opinion on that. First off, there's more commercials to be sold and them damn info-commercials. Late at night I have the television on and there's so many of these info-commercials, I feel like I know everything about everything. Add the barrage of medical wonder pills, my mind runneth over.

Money rules baby! Ol' Teddy created a monster, he took the money and bought all the land he could buy and raises buffalo. Who-wee I bet the largest landowner in America sees a lot o shite.

Side swiped again by me own brain. Folks . . . I SAY FOLKS . . . I'm just getting started, this here auto-writing, something or the other be my cup a tea. I just had cold chills running up my back, the spirit writers have returned to help this ol' boy out. Automatic writing, spirit writing, goofing around writing.

We are so bombarded by too much of too much, all the time everywhere we go! We cannot take it all in, our minds turns to jello, we're incapable of making decisions. We the middle class, search for a reason to carry on. The blue collar workers are incapable of the decision making process. The wise ones off the air waves. OOpsey, ( I like the two O's looks like I'm looking at ya. ) I mean bouncing off them satellites many of them wise commentators on the 24 hour a day news channels tell us this. I have heard the comment pitched many ways, but the think of those of us who never attended college as unknowing in the ways of the real world. Well baby, I worked over 40 years as a blue collar lower middle class act. I see that all politicians are highly educated. 

That in a nutshell sums everything up to me. I betcha all of them are millionaires, or will be after serving a few years. Serving my ass! Who? It sire the fuck ain't me or us the blue collar, hard working, backbone of America!

Who are they serving? You hear the word "Elites" thrown around, who are these people?

THAT'S ALL FOR TOAY FOLKS IT'S MY BEDTIME.                                               

Remember Me?

Been here, there, every were, yet no where, in my mind, I must say. Visited the land of my dear mother, been thinking about nothin'. That there be harder than one thinks. That's a mite funny, heh? There be so much stupid shite, a going on around this old fat fart.

Ya see I been holding every thing and just let 'er fly out as gas. My doggie won't stay in the same room any more. The best thing to do is just vent. Humm, should a learned to do that a long time ago! Suppose it be better late than never, I'd reckon.

When I dare venture out into the land, the land . . . I say the land of the lost. The ignoramus's of the world have further united. Folks old fat fucker here is gonna explain the number one problem amongst my little town in the mid of the Midwest is,,,,,,,,,,,,,   [drum roll in your head, come on, do it for O. F. F.]  old fat fucker. I gonna make that my handle, fits me like the glove of. O. J.'s. Y'all remember the Juice don't ya?

I been doing some contemplating, about giving this here writin' shite another go. When I was working, instead of retirement as I am now, I much to peck about. I find myself so bored, I can no longer stand it. The hard part will be sitting down at me computer. I've not used it in months. I fund myself starring at the television, flipping channels, so fucking bored! I have got hooked on the evening news, I watch Lou Dobbs, and have watched the republican debates. I told myself I was not gonna do this and gosh darn it I did. Perhaps I can get back into my blogging again. I cannot help as many thoughts come to mind. The government has not thought of a way yet to scan my brain through my computer, or zero in from the satellites, have they?

How I've tried to stay away from politics, yet I'm drawn to all the acts under the big top.

This is my attempt at rejoining something I used to love. Will try with all my might and what few synapses I have left. I come across a late night commercial the other night about a medicine that can help me poor old tired brain to function better, available at my drug store. I'mma gonna, get me a whole bunch. I'm gonna get me some more drugs to make my sexual appetite like I'm 20 again. My old fucking heart will give out, who gives a shite if I'm gonna die there ain't no better way to go than have an orgasm so powerful it pushes your eyes out of your sockets, and curls them toes. HAHA!

Hopefully my sense of humor returns.