Welcome to my mind! I'm alive and . . kicking, not as high or as powerful. Life . . . well . . . just takes a lot out of you! Wasn't sure I'd ever visit you again, I've been lost! How is it that someone who could not wait to get off work, and type a little somethun, somethun, can just stop? I ask myself that. Didn't need to, well explain that will ya? Can't I shall have a go at it and will start off with a story about me and my mother.
One very fine Sunday afternoon a couple years ago, whilst we were sitting on her front porch, a very fine front porch the way they usta make them many a year ago. You know! Across the front of the house with a porch swing and rocking chairs to rock away a beautiful summer's day like was, this day, 85 in the shade with a rolling breeze that keeps your hair a tickling. Ya close you eyes while a rockin' your mind drifts to another fine summer day, only, ye be a kid, mind, soul, and heart. You know what I be a talkin' about, don't you?
Back to me, and me, Ma, we was a visitin' like old times. Some people ya see ain't much for talkin', like me, Ma. Well now, I have tried for 10 tears to get her to tell me stories about her childhood, family, anything, and everything that enters her mind. I wished to tell her stories on my blog, ya see.
She'd try and try, think and think, nuthin'! I be a thinkin', "it's not possible to live over 80 years, have 7 children, work until 70 years of age and have no memories, she be a lying', to her favorite son, it's not nice to lie to me!
Back to me and my Ma a swingin', away on her front porch. After about an hour of small talk, I decided once more, to attempt story telling with her. We've said nothin' for several minutes.
I said "what are you thinkin' about, tell me what's on your mind at this exact moment?"
Her answer, "nothing, I'm not thinkin', 'bout anything."
I should a known better and left it alone, ya see, but . . . I want some stories from her.
I tried once more to communicate with what was locked away in her mind. Well . . . I could not leave it alone!
I said "Mom you have to be thinking about something, it's not humanly possible, to think about nothing. I'm sitting here with you in a relaxed state and my mind's a churning away."
Well you have to know my Mom, she is a woman of few words, never raises her voice, never heard her say a cuss word and she worked in factories all her life to support a no good husband with many problems.
She said, "I'm not thinking about nothing!"
She said that with the tone, that let me know, "SHE AINNA THINKIN', 'BOUT NOTHIN'!!!"
I laugh as I currently rethink that moment. Never, has it been possible for me, to not be, a thinkin', 'bout nothin'! Not humanly possible! You'd have to be brain dead! I knowsa, me Ma, ainna brain dead! I have had many laughs over this in the last couple years and have wrote about this funny moment.
OKAY!! Hold on to you hat, head, whatever. I have visited this place called thinkin', 'bout nothin'. Yep it exists.
For several weeks actually months my desire to caress these keys vanished, "unfathomable," I must say. No reading of books, no reading or watching the news, no computer time at all. About a week ago, I turned my computer on, to check my hits. Damn, I get more when I don't post! I had the most hits ever the day before. I was flabbergasted!
I have had some life difficulties for a spell now. Even in my attempt to get away from it all, it's nearly impossible.
BEEN AWAY, SEARCHING. I SEARCH NO MORE. I FIND COMFORT IN A WORLD SLOWED DOWN. MY WORLD! DON'T WANT TO BATTLE THE VILLIANS, NO MORE! TOO FUCKING MANY! NEVER MEANT FOR A POOR BOY TO WIN NO HOW. WE'RE ALL SLAVES, SOME HAVE A LONGER LEASH. ENJOY THE SPECIAL MOMENTS, LIKE WITH MY MOM, A ROCKING AWAY THE SUMMER DAY, THINKING ABOUT NOTHING BECAUSE I FOR ONE, HAVE WASTED A LIFETIME OF OVERTHINKING, WITH NOT A DAG BLASTED THING TO SHOW FOR IT!