PRIDE AND DREAMS

I have a plenty, yet nothing worthwhile to say. Huh? I know it's plum silly. I'm becoming a expert in watching television. It is something to occupy my eyes, wiling away the hours with pretty colors, and shows carrying little meaning. I sit down at the computer and wait for wisdom, nothing comes! Wisdom of my lifetime is a waste, in the modern world, lost somewhere in everything and nothing. Attained over 60 years of actual experience through heartaches, lessons learned only through a learning . . . well . . . I don't a wanna learn, no more! My fullness of life's lessons have over flowed. No! no! no! not saying I'm smart, quite the opposite! Ignorance is bliss. Use to I could write a funny line or two most every night. I wish for that to return! I'm no longer angry, I have gone through all the normal emotions one would expect in the last six months. I find myself waiting for direction. It will come, don't feel sorry for me.

I'm existing, existing is life, right? I need more! I need purpose, a purpose to sink my heart into. Religion is not my cup of tea.

I've not done anything of any importance, only breathing my share of oxygen for a spell. I'm going to paint the living room, doesn't matter how much I do in a day after all the importance is in the doing. The final product and accomplishment should give me pride. Pride is a wonderful feeling. I've always taken pride in my work and have accomplished many things.

My dreams have returned to a standard never experienced before. I now live my emotions inside where I've never gone before. Their deeper, fuller, where love take me high than I've ever felt before. Hate has left, what a crying shame, so much can be done with hate, a non-stop, never to end blog can be fueled with such a worthless emotion. Hatred, anger damn near killed me, bringing me not to my knee, but flirting with death.

For I now live my emotions in my dreams. So much better than any man made movies. I awake for a few seconds and feel the fullness of the emotions allowed to me within that dream. Colors are superior, the wind in my face is more, so much more. All is deeper and that my friends has allowed me to find comfort once again. For within my dreams I am me without any reservations.

The daily waking sameness I now find myself in, seems not real. Like I'm stuck in a Twilight Zone episode I cannot change. nor have the power too. Existing the day away without hope, to be more. If not for my wife, my four legged companions, I would have no wish to carry on. Luckily for me I have reasons to carry on.

In painting the living room I took much longer, yet I got er done. I must take more breaks but have no races to win.

The racing is done as I coast for awhile, looking for my piece of the peace until the last tomorrow.