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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Yeah! Yeah! Boo! Boo!

Wasn't going to post anything today, but since it's the last day of the year, I shall have a go at it!

Yeah! Yeah! Boo! Boo!

I did not accomplish one damn thing . . . 'cept, I lived another year!

Yeah! Yeah! Boo! Boo! That actually makes sense, the yeah, boo thing!

Some days life's good, some days life sucks! Why is that? I can go to bed at the same time, do everything the same, butt . . . some assholes take away my happiness! There are many assholes in this here world . . . do you agree? Its so hard just to mind your business and block out the bad stuff.

I've been plagued all my life from seeing, listening, feeling. Don't you just hate that? I cannot just ignore the idiotaltry in life. (IS THAT A WORD, IS NOW!")   (((My, my, oh my! Have mercy! I might of painted myself into a corner on this one!))) 

I watched the first couple seasons of a show on the wee t v called Sons of Anarchy. That was back when I paid for the viewing of the little t v, you know. Many stations but nothing was on!

Where am I going with this, please believe me when I say I have no idea!!!

I suppose I have heard that word, anarchy more than a few times, but really could not tell you the meaning. (I know! I know! Please think to yourself!)

So I look it up.

ANARCHY from ancient Greek "An," meaning without and "Archos" meaning leader. (Seems straightforward don't it?) WITHOUT A LEADER, hum, gets me a thinking, and I hate it when I do that!!!

OH SHIT! I've stepped into a ton of dung here!!!

ANARCHY, a chaotic situation: a situation in which there is a total lack of organization or control.

Heavens to Betsy, there's some important words here, like, chaotic, lack of, and organization or control.

Let's take lack of out of this equation first. I just wrote about this earlier this month.

LACK, means not having any; complete absence. (Hey I got that out of the dictionary, "not having any!")

CHAOTIC, means in a state of chaos; in a completely confused or disordered fashion.

(AIN'T THAT BEAUTIFUL, SOUNDS LIKE ME!)

ORGANIZE to persuade to join into some common cause.

ORGANIZATION unified, consolidating, group.

So to break down into Glenview terms, complete "absence, confused, group." So Anarchy more or less means = An absent, confused group!

Most of the family on my daddy's side did not get much schoolin'. Yep, their an absent confused group, I'd say!

Internal Revenue Service. Sounds like a Secret Service organization. I never see them. so their absent, they so make things confusing, I know their a group, 'causin they take my money and can put me in jail if I don't pay!

Politicians in Washington do fit this definition I would say!

There members of two groups, There's not one iota of doubt as to their confusion! They achieve practically nothing, so it seems there always absent!

SEEMS WHEN I STARTED THIS MADCAP MADNES, I HAD SOMETHING ELSE IN MIND!!!

I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK AND REREAD, BECAUSE I'M SO CONFUSED!

I DO GROUP TOGETHER WORDS, AND IT SURE SEEMS MY MIND IS ABSENT!

ANYWAY!!! DRIVE SAFELY, IF YA BE A DRINKIN'! SEE YA NEXT YEAR HERE ON GLENVIEW.

You know what? I cannot wait, till my fingers, can keep up with the total state of chaos in my mind!

BOY!!! THAT'LL BE THE DAY!!!!  LORD HAVE MERCY!!! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN NOTHING YET!!!

I want to use that word anarchy in a sentence before I sign off.

Even though, there's anarchy all around us, (Yeah! that's right nice!) you can always count on GLENVIEW for clarification!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please send me a word, afore I run out!

Monday, December 30, 2013

Whatcha-a ma-call-its, do-dads, and stuff!!!!

How's everybody doing all across the world on this winter's morn? Anybody that returneth to my humble home away from home, I wish the top of the morning to ya!!! I'm so glad your here! I've been watchin' some late night television, on my free t v antenna, and 1993 R.C.A. tube type t v. Call me old fashion, cause I am.

I'm addicted . . . there, you've heard it first on Glenview! Ever since I made fun of those late night commercials I've been watching television for the commercials and channel surfing when the program comes on. I realize there's more creativity in those commercials than the programs. If these masterminds behind the commercials would create the programming, it would revolutionize (Damn that be a right fine word, don't you think") the industry. It's dying for sure!!! We need new blood, badly!!!

How so? I do not watch much regular television. Late night t v reruns of old shows still tickles my funny bone. I Dream of Jeanie, (And a I still do! Mr. Ed of course, of course, good old black and white movies, an, on and on . . .)

I for one wish them vampires that seem to be everywhere on t v should suck the blood out of the programmers, creators, or whomever, think's they are creating creativity in television.

More creativity gets created in The Super Bowl commercials than gets created all during the year.

Sure some of them are real stinkoids, the sad factoid is that some during The Super Bowl definitely created, by college graduates that are morons!!!

How the fuckoid, do them pretty boys know what we the real people like.

You see, that's my point . . .they don't!

A local new car dealership during the holidays is showing a commercial that if you buy a new car during the holidays, they'll give you a 43 inch big screen t v.

Here's the funny part, I cannot remember what kind of car their selling, but I can remember what kind of televisions their giving away! (Samsung)

Cute commercials attract my eyes. The little dog on the old Taco Bell commercials was a real riot at my house. (I'm still addicted to the place, 15 years after the little fellas last one!)

The Geico commercial with the little lizard, what is that a gecko. Woow! brother, blows me away!!!

The Christmas Budweiser commercials, I go buy cases of the stuff and hand them out to alcoholics, so that they will be happy during the holidays!!!

The mice driving the Kia Soul, a work of advertising art.

I remember Andy Griffith used to do a commercial he said, "nothing goes better on a ritz!" I have not, ever . . . been out of a ritz cracker since that day!

How about the helpful hardware commercials that used to be? "Ace is the place with the helpful hardware man!" Ah takes me back!!!

There's no such thing as a hardware store around my neighborhood, no more!!! There's tattoo and piercing shops though!!!

Poor old Mr. Rogers is gone, but never will be forgotten! What would he say now????

Ever try to find a whatch-a-ma-call-it, in todays mega stores. You go to where you think it might just be, but there's so much stuff, it boggles your mind. You can't find it. You want this one little do-dad, (That's what my momma calls something she did not know what it was!)

You find the little place where a computer sits, that's where the friendly hardware people suppose to be texting on their phones! After half an hour you realize that nobody works in that department! You find Earl, the 80 year old salesman in his scooter, that's in charge of the whole fricking, 200,000 square foot store!

He has had a stoke, but's still knowledgeable. Ya see, he use to own one of them helpful hardware stores, until this, everything under one roof, if you can find it store, came to town.

Yes Earl knows more about hardware, than all the people in all of the new hardware mega stores combined. There's talk of getting him a faster scooter!!! Damn . . . does Earl, know his hardware!!!

You have to get real close, and speak plainly, to make sure old Earl sees the do-dad clearly. Then Earl's eyes will light up, sure-nuff, he's a tell ya, where it is. There's days where customers be waitin' for the doors to open for Earl.

Earl will tell you, if you can understand him! "They want you to buy the whole kit and ka-bootle, rather that just the do-dad, ya see!"

Meaning, instead of you buying a piece for a few dollars, they want to sell you a new one, for hundred of dollars!

I THINK I HAVE FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS FELLA EARL! I MUST REVISIT HIM AGAIN, WHAT YOU SAY?

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Fun Again!

I'm finding this bloggee thing-a-ma-jig, fun again. I changed shifts, went on days and did not feel the need, for some unexplainable reason? I'm back home now, on the graveyard shift. (Justa, that mucha closer, to you know!) Quite possibly it's done me some good. There be . . . too many bosses on dayshift! (One'll, tell me one thing, another one will tell me something else, you know what, I work better doing my own thing!) I'll keep busier and do what needs a doing, yes I will!!! When a all them bosses are a bossing, well . . . things getta screwed up! (Can I say that?)

It is not my wish to imitate, nor a, be like any one else. We're 'INDIVIDUALS' . . . that's the way it should be!!! (Amen, to that brother!)  I find, I have the most fun, yes I do!  just a letting, it all hang out. Baby! That be me!  If I'm not going to have fun with it, then I ainna, gonna, do it!

The medias are full of . . .  (Please place your own word here.) I skimmy the newspaper for unusual, possibly funny items. I think we need to laugh more, rather than be a shakin' our heads in disbelief. All that head shakin', will produce, sore un-healable aches and pains. I be a suffering rights now, from over 60 years of that head shakin' shit! Um, huh! I don't a, need a . . . no . . .  more!!! We needs a change don't we?

I use-ta, always, read the news, while a watchin', the "booby tooby." evening news. Was I a glutton for punishment, er what? Yes, I was!!!

Not that many years ago, there was an attempt to make it seem tasteful. Anchormen and Anchorwoman, suits and non shapely wardrobe. The weather men, had nary a clue about the weather! Predictions, most likely, a woman with a crystal ball in the backroom.

I never understood, why they had another Sports person, just to read the sports? Was the two main anchors, overworked? This also goes for the weatherman.  (Oopsey! I best be politically correct, weather person.)

I bet ya, if you made the two anchors take a test after reading the news, they'd flunk!

Some wise, uppity management level type thought "lets let Mary Jane Marie do the weather this weekend." She be a chesty, curvy blonde, ya see. Them couch tater tot type men's eyes got bigger than their??? The switchboard was overloaded with calls from these, tater tot-uns. Ratings skyrocketed, advertising for the weather segment, started raining $, "we're in the money!" Then competitors started getting in on the . . .??????  (I don't have the correct Glenview word at this moment!!!)

The 24 hour a day news stations, birthed a new generation of instantaneous news junkies. Let's place, blondes, redheads, dark haired, blue eyed, green eyed, brown eyed, dark skinned, we'll represent the world's women, and them men will watch. A do it, they'll come watch, programming! (And so it come to past. Did the men get any smarter? If course not! They ainna remembering the news it be THE WOMAN!!! )

The gimmicky world of advertising. Do you go to college to learn advertising? Hell we know here in Hillbilly Hills, that if we place a 16 year old in short shorts, and have her act like, she be bent over the hood of a car, we can sell a Yugo!!! The 16 year old may have the face that'd stop a clock, but at Ray Earl's Auto Sales he sets sales records every month. One day he paid the mostus, curvaceous, cheerleader in a bikini, Susie Maybelline, she shined and sold every car on the lot by noon. Rednecks across the county started selling their rides, just to get a picture of Susie Maybelline, beside their pick ups. She received $100.00 per vehicle. Word was going around after that day she were in the money!!! Ya know what I mean. She became famous that day, and placed a down payment on a house right beside Ray Earls Auto Sales. She was the most photographed model ever . . . in the county. No, no, no! It was not a house of ill repute. All you had to do was bring yer Harleys, pick-ups, bicycles, horses, whatever you rode, and she'd pose in the outfit of your choosing. Ray Earl gave away a free photo session with Susie Maybelline, with every purchase.

I FELL OFF MY ROCKER AGAIN, HERE AT THE OLD FOLKS RETIREMENT/ RETARDED HOME. THEY'S ARE, SUPPOSIN' TO BUCKLE ME IN, BUT SUSIE MAYBELLINE WALKED BY, AND MY SEAT BET UNBUCKLED, FROM THE FORCE BEING APPLIED UPWARDS!!!    AH, HA, HA, HA, I BE A MAKIN A JOKE, TIS MY HOPE, YA GOT IT!

One of my friends here at . . . GLENVIEW wrote in and said "he likes my malarkey!" I be so proud!

Then I thought , "I've heard that word afore!" Then I thought a day or so later, (I usually don't get too many thoughts clumped together, because I'll get a headache!)

MALARKEY, I like that word, I think it sums up right nicely for whatever it is, I do!

Lark is a bird.

I love my Ma!

You lock things up with a lock and you's, got to have a key, to open it.

Malar is a type of balloon skin, or is that mylar? Close enough here on Glenview!

Arkey is the big boat that all them animals rode out the big flood in!

The key to Glenview is, fill a mylar balloon with hot air, then go see my Ma, then me and my animals on my a boat and have some fuun!!! Or there 'bouts!!!

LAUGHTER, MAY NOT BE THE BEST MEDICINE, BUT IT SURE HELPS A LOT!!!!

Goodnight my friends from around the world! Maybe I'll look up that word malarkey.

MALARKEY = meaningless, or deliberately misleading talk; nonsense! Do I do that!!! DANG, I SHOULD A, BEEN A, POLLUTERTICIAN, AND I COULD A, BECOME A, A MILLIONAIRE, INSTEAD OF AN OLD POOR BOY!

Another thought just crossed my cranium! (I KNOW ITS BEEN A GOOD DAY! )

I use to watch the Harlem Globetrotters on The Wonderful World of Sports. (Is that still on?) There was a player called          Malarkey Lemonade, (Hey I don't make this stuff up. I just write is as my cranium thing, thinks it!!!)

Joe Pesky speaks, (One of my inner voices, you know!)    You nincapoop! That was Meadowlark Lemon!       

I APOLIGIZE TO MY VERY FEW READERS OUT THERE. I GOT TO BE ME, I GOTTA BE ME, AND A, I'MMA, GONNA, STAY ME IF UN YA DON'T MIND? CAUSIN, IF I'SA HAVIN' FUN FER JUST A LITLE WHILE, AFORE I GO TO BED, I'S SLEEP FULL OF WONDERMENT, SO'S I'S CAN DO THIS BLOGGEE THINGEE AGAINEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know, all you ones learnin' English shoulda read Glenview. WHY???

Old Glen here will tell you the truth. We here don'ta knowsa, what proper English is!

I'll give ya REAL, reality writing, afore all them editors fucks it up!!!!!!! That be enuff, fer ta-night.

Ohh, one uther thing. What I like a, the bestus, is playing with a wurd, and a seeing where my cranium takes it, soo If un, y'all out there, wanna me to fucks up a wurd fers ya, just send me a comment here on GLENVIEW. (oh!oh!oh!, don't ferget THE WURD!)

Ohh! One uther thing, it may take me a fuw days, 'cause, I has ta, thinks upon it! Actually I sleeps upon it and bingo!!!

OH!,OH!,OH! I 'VE BEEN WORKING ON, OR THINKING ABOUT, THIS SHOW ON A and E CALLED DUCK DYNASTY. AT THIS MOMENT, I DIDN'T KNOW, NOR UNERSTAND, NOR NEVER, KNEW IT WAS A SHOW, THAT'S IN ITS FOURTH SEASON. SO I'LL BE DOING SOME RESEARCH ON IT!!!!! 

RESEARCH MESEARCH! THAT'S A FIRST HERE ON GLENVIEW. NO A TELLIN' WHERE THAT'S GOING TO GO, SO PLEEAASSEE STAY TUNE, FOR GLENVIEW'S VIEW, ON DUCK DYANASTY!  THAT SHOULD A, BE A, GOOD UR, UN!

Ammm , , , I done?

Friday, December 27, 2013

The Flow or, I Think My Catalytic Converter is Going Bad!!!!

You've heard that ol' saying, "it's best to go with the flow!"

Soo, what is them few words telling us?

Imagine you're in a canoe, leisurely flowing with the current. Ahh, don't that make you feel nice
and soothing, thinking about that? Place that picture in your mind, take some deep breaths, in slowly, out slowly. Oh, baby. I like it. This going with the flow is real nice, is it not? 

( Is it not . . .  what kind of knuckle headed words, be a comin', out of my mind? Reckon, I took one . . .  too many, deep, relaxing breaths! Let's imagine . . .  is it not . . .  the same as ain't?

Yeah . . .taking too many, deep breaths can screw with yer head, and I don't need nothin' . . . a screwing with my head! )

Hold yer darn horses . . .  Would that not be, going with the flow? Relaxing, meditative, deep breathing . . . oh my God! I've hit upon a miracle! If I get upset, all I have to do, is sit down on the floor, cross my legs in Indian fashion, breathe deeply, and smoke a peace pipe.

I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU OUT THERE IN INTERNET LAND. "What is in the peace pipe?"

It's a peace pipe, so . . . what's the opposite of peace?

I reckon, I'll answer my own question, otherwise . . . there'll be, a blank space on my screen, where y'all, didn't answer. That actually makes sense, yep . . . definitely, too many deep breaths. I'll have to find a different way of meditating, although it does calm me down and makes me think most unusual. You know the only thing I got . . .  that I can call mine, is . . . me . . .  being me!

I know, I know, I'll drink a six-pack of beer! That'll calm me down. The only thing about that is . . . that much beer in an old fart like me, makes me, have to pee . . . a lot! ( Sad but true, everything affects you when you get older. I know, I'll buy me one of them lap top computers, so as I can still communicate with ya, as I, never mind, you get the picture. Good thing I don't use visuals here on Glenview, ain't it!

I forgot what the question was, that you out there can't answer, to which, I was going to answer, because I drank too much beer and had to pee! 

( Please hold, I have to go pee and have the ridiculous urge to take my computer with me, man where did that moronic idea come from. I do feel intoxicated and I'm drinking cool . . . clean . . . mountain water from a glacier. I'm either intoxicated OR friggin nuts, you make the call? )

OKAY, BACK TO, "GOING WITH THE FLOW." WHY CAN'T I? SEEMS BETTER ON ME MENTALLY, TO BE LIKE EVERYBODY, MOST ALL, AT WORK, DO A LITTLE WORK, ( very little, take the money and run, kind a thing you know! ) BUT NOO, I HAVE TO THINK, REASON, SPEAK! I MAY BE FLUSTERED WITH THINGS, BUT IT'S WHEN I SPEAK. DAMN IT! WHY CAN'T I KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT? OH, I'VE JUST THOUGHT OF ANOTHER OLD SAYING.

"IT'S BETTER TO KEEP QUIET, THAN TO SPEAK AND REMOVE ALL DOUBT!"

MY NEW SAYING, "IT'S BETTER TO KEEP QUIET, THAN TO SPEAK AND MAKE WAVES?"

So, I'll examine these words in my own way.  ((( Oh shit!!! )))

"I see now" said the blind man.

IF YOU'RE ROWING UPSTREM AGAINST THE CURRENT, IT'S SOO MUCH HARDER.

SO WHY NOT SPEAK YOUR PIECE, AND BE SMACKED DOWN TO EARTH, AGAINST THE BOULDERS, FROM WHERE THE CURRENT HAS TAKEN YOU OVER, THE FRICKING FALLS!!! THAT'S WHERE WE'RE A HEADED ANYWAY, AIN'T IT?

Oh shite!!! I hope nobody reads this! IT SURE WAS FUN THINKING IT! DID I DREAM THIS, OR DID I TYPE THIS?    WHO KNOWS . . .  HERE ON GLENVIEW, AH,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA,HA!

Thursday, December 26, 2013

I Can't Shake This Feeling!!!

I can't shake this feeling that time has passed me by! More and more it appears. Apparently, I'm an old truck that has carried many a load admirably in its day.

The engine still purrs, transmission slips sometimes, rear end's a mite bigger. Still, I can head on down the highway. Can't carry as big a load, as I once could. Headlights still burn bright and true. Windshield wipers, go swoosh, swoosh, instead of swish, swish really fast. Don't have all them fancy gizmos, gadgets and such. When I don't know where I've been, or where I'm going, and have to depend on one of them new fangled screen thing a ma bobs, that bounce a satellite signal to show my location. Lord have mercy! If un,  you don't knows, where yee be, then yee shouldn't be out in the highway of life, no how!  No sir! Watered down petrol, makes me sluggish sometimes. Usta have good stuff, that would make me go yee-haw! and getta on down the road. Made me feel soo good!
Frames a mite loose, rusty, shimmys and shakes, I can't run 70 MPH no more. HELL who wants too!!! Either I need new glasses, or them automobiles ur getting smaller. Seen me one of them smart cars one day, weren't too damn smart. When I be younger and could run like the wind, I woulda blew that tadpole off the highway, or let me a backfire, you know like a fart, and scare that tiny critter into the woods, under some branches, yes I woulda! Time passes, I've slowed down. Some days the rusting and loosening of me joints, why do I bother! I'll just pull myself out into the barn facing south so's the suns's rays, can warm me old tired paint a thinnin' body. My bodies dinged and danged, bruised from life, still showing my original paint, worn to primer in some spots. Yes, I think 'bout retirement, just sitting inside the barn watching the seasons come and go. The springtime I'd miss the most, being out and about, seeing them newborn critters, puts a temporary gusto of life in me for a mile or two, yes it does!. Warms the cockles of my heart, I reckon that be my carburetor. My heart/carburetor, been rebuilt several times. New pump. new gaskets and such, simple compared to today's fuel injection, turbo charged what nots! I dream sometimes 'bout what I would feel like with a fuel injected, turbo on top of my engine. I could getta on down the interstate of life then, whew-doggie!!! When I return back to earth I'd laugh. It'd blow the gizzards right outta my engine, There'd be engine and transmission parts scattered all across the highway, fer a spell. yes there
would! There be so many trucks running the highway today, I can't pronounce their names. Foreign ones, have taken over. I like to blow smoke on them at the truck stops. Sheesh, I can't catch them, lessen their stopped. I suppose everything turns to rust and disintegrates, don't it? It's been a good run.
I've fathered many a truckeroos, and lost touch with them. Technology challenged, is what I have been called. Yes, that's true, I proudly admit it! There be so much computer shit on these new youngins of a truck, when they go down, they don't use mechanics, they need boys in white coveralls and an army of technicians to revive em! These youngins of today just want us to step aside, retire, get us grandpa's off the road.

WELLL OL' GRANDPA, GOTS A THING, ER TWO, TO SAY, TO YOU YOUNGINS!

YER TIME, A BE HERE, AFORE YOU KNOW IT! BURNING THAT LIGHTNING FUEL IN YER TANKS, BE A RUSTING YA, FROM THE INSIDE OUT! I SEE MANY A NEW UNS ALREADY IN THE JUNKYARD, WHERE THE LIFE, A BEING SUCKED OUT OF THEM, ONE PART AT A TIME. THEM ONCE PURTY, SMILING HOODS, BE A FROWNING, FROM BURNING THEM ALL NIGHTERS, WITH NO REST. I RECKON I'LL SEE YA, IN THE BIG JUNKYARD IN THE SKY, ERRR, MAYBE NOT! YEE MAY NOT BE THERE! YEE MAY BE SOMEWHERE'S ELSE!!! 

                                                         signed..... I'MMA STILL TRUCKIN!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

The Big Snow!

I come home tired and ragged, in the early morn of, Christmas Eve. A lifetime of, just thinking, "it's Christmas Eve," somehow sounds, wonderful!!!

My raggedy ass, revives, as I walk through the door of my humble home. I truly mean that, and most certainly, I feel it, 'cause it's 17 degrees, with a stout north wind . . . brrrrr!

For the last two weeks, north of the Ohio River has been, u-n-b-e-l-i-e-v-a-b-l-e! As I write this 5 inches of rain cause flooding nightmares. Luckily I'm not in one of them! If that was snow, it would be 60 inches.

My Yorkie, would have one hell of a time in that much snow. doing, his business, hey? I suppose I could hold him up high, and tell him "to let 'er fly!"  ( I'm laughing as I type that! )

10 years ago we received 30 inches of snow on Christmas, eve's, eve. Lord have mercy, that's a lot o snow! Yes it is!

I'll just tell that story

.                                                         The Big Snow!

Glen goes to work at  9 p m on a Thursday of 2003, it was Christmas eve's, eve.

The weather service says, "folks a big-un . . . is here, expect 2 to 3 feet of snow."

I'm thinkin' "yeah sure!" I remember back when the big blizzard of 78 hit. Them dumb asses didn't even predict it. I come home from working the dayshift and take a nap.

A couple hours later my wife calls, "come and get me, I'm in the I. G. A. parking lot, I can't go any farther!"

I'm half asleep, I said "huh!?" I look out the window "holy mackerel! I'll be there in a few minutes."

I'm getting a mite off track, imagine that! Over several days we receive about 30 inches of snow with high winds, and un passable snowdrifts. It was a week before I could go to work. Cold like -25, worst ever around these parts in the Midwest. This snow stayed until April. The cold along with more snow, never warmed up enough to melt.

Before I go to work I watch the weather channel, the state police have closed the interstate. Meaning, if your out, they can take you to jail! I was suppose to make a delivery about 60 miles south, it was even worse, there. I'm not going to be able to make that delivery!

I get to work and my boss says, "I need you to make that delivery."

"WHAT!!!" was my answer!

"Have you looked out the door, or heard the latest weather forecast? The state police have closed the interstate! The only other time the interstate was closed was during the blizzard of 78! Are you serious!?"

He said "yes! That delivery has to be made!"

I said "well you're going to have to find someone else, because I'm not risking my life for this delivery!"

That shows to you how smart, people, are! Some workers try to make it home, but have to return, impossible! Several of us are stuck there, a couple days. I spent a lot of time running the snow blower When I went back inside, I looked like a real walking snowman, my beard was covered in ice, from the blowing snow and my breath. Snow was piled high on top of my stocking cap. Quite honestly, I had fun with it. A once in a lifetime kinda thing. The kid inside of me popped out! I still remember that very clearly.

It's 12 hours later, a few people with 4 wheel drive make it to work, it's now Christmas Eve. There was some work that must be done, even with this skeleton crew. Them smart bosses decide . . . "we can do it!" ( Yeah! one of them bosses was one that wanted me to make an impossible run the night before!! ) The big/main boss made it in, and tells me, I was right! (Under no circumstance should I have attempted such a dumb thing!)

After working about 30 hours straight, playing around with that snow blowing S. O. B. from hell and completing the needed production, I go home. The snow plows have been through, and with a load of snow in back of my Ranger, I was at my driveway. I could not get in my driveway. No way, no how! Them big ass snow plows, have plowed so much snow in front of my drive, it was  up to my ass!

I said "the hell with this f@#$ing-shit! I'll crawl, if I have to, the 300 feet to my house!"

'Bout then . . .  a good ol' boy, in a 4 wheel drive Suburban, stops to see if he could help me. It's after 12 midnight Christmas day. I'm stuck in plowed white shit. I can't go any where, but at least, I'm close to home!

He says "I'll pull you out, and plow your drive."

My inner thoughts at that moment, I can still recall . . ."Hallelujah . . . hallelujah . . . hallelujah!!!"

I did not ask the price. It was one of them times in your lifetime it did not seem . . . relevant!

He said, "my boy's in that 4 wheel Dodge truck behind me, I'll have him hook a chain to your pickup and pull you out. You get in here with me and show me where to grade."

DAMN! That be the toastiest, warmest, Suburban, I ever . . . sit my tired ol' ass in!

About a half hour later, I'm sitting beside my garage, just 30 feet from my house. I'm almost home!

I say, "how much do I owe you?"

He says, "$100.00,  I look inside my billfold, I have $80.00.

I told him, "I'll go inside and write you a check."

"Nah, that's good enough."

I trudge the thirty feet thinkin,"Damn, I wish I had that snow blower!?

A gigantic snow drift was midway up the door, no shovel, er nothin' around.

I began clearing snow with my boots and finally the door was free!

I get inside and there be the prettiest sight, I ever did see. My wife and puppies all toasty and snug in my humble home.

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!!!

I sit down in my lazy boy. DAMN! "THERE AIN'T NO PLACE LIKE HOME!"

Dorothy's words rang clear! (You know from the Wizard of Oz! )

I look out the window on Christmas morn. Have Mercy!!! Snow up high on my door!

Then I remember, that snow throwing monster sitting, inside at work, all cozy like! I live 2 miles away and since I made it home last night, and have the drive dug out, why not? The dog can't even go outside! He'll get lost in a drift and I'll not find him till spring! Well, I did what any smart man would do I drove over and loaded that snow throwing S . O. B. and had a very Merry Christmas!!!

Monday, December 23, 2013

UNTRADITIONAL

I feel the need to say something meaningful, since it's the holiday season. I'm no longer a traditional kind of guy. I've, lived too long, the fairy tale child in me, comes so little. I do love it when my record of life skips though, stuck in the groove, if only, momentarily, I do, I really do. Innocence without thought, is so precious.

We all know what this holiday is about. It has been instilled in us, so deep, one can never forget.

Why? Is it the longer, I'm in this  exercise of existence, this dimension of learning, the less . . . this time of the year is? The wonderful imagination of childhood . . . I yearn for that, I truly do! The excitement of mere simplicity, has left me. A Christmas tree in any window as my family once upon a time drove by, was magical. Now, the yearly nightly ride of the city's neighborhood lights leaves me longing, yearning!

These monstrosities of cheap plastic santas, snowmen, grinches, mangers, golden stars atop the roof, does not move me! The flashing lights upon the roof, sickens me!

Apparently tis, only me, as ones are seen scurrying about, store to store, spending, charging, more, more, more.

Will the world stop if they stop, their scurrying, hurrying, quest for???

Commercials, advertisements, half off, greatest sale ever, it goes on and on!!!

Think along with me now if you will . . . please? Close your eyes, lean back in your chair.

How do you feel about this season?

Is it the merriment of the season?

Just another holiday off work?

The hunt for deals, the shopping?

Family gatherings. "( That's always so special! )

Ah the religious aspect, we could never forget about that!

TIS NOT MY INTENTIONS TO RAIN ON YOUR PARADE/HOLIDAY, I MEAN! I'M AN OLD MAN WHO'S SEEN MANY A SEASONS COME AND GO. MAYBE THAT IN ITSELF IS THE REASON. MY CHILDLIKE EYES AND MIND, ARE ALMOST GONE!

THE WOMDERMENT OF A CHILD, IS A MAGICAL RIDE OF IT'S OWN. LET THEM BASK IN IT!

BUT WE MUST GROW UP, AS WE GROW, WE GO ON A LEARNING EXPERIENCE NOT TAUGHT IN OUR FORMATIVE YEARS. THE SCHOOLING OF LIFE'S REALITIES ARE NOT MAKE BELIEVE. NO INSTRUCTIONAL GUIDES HANDED OUT, NOPE! YOU BE ON YOUR OWN BABY!

IF ONLY THE FAIRY TALES, WE LOVED AS CHILDREN, WERE STILL TRUE, LIFE WOULD BE SO MUSH EASIER.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, goodnight!

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Rain, Reindeers, and Santa Claus!!!

Two weeks ago at this time snow was gently falling, with visions of Santa Claus dancing in my head.

 ( I'm an old man of 8 years old, sometimes. I love that feeling! )

Right now, it's 60 degrees, a warm gentle rain is falling. I left work an hour early, ya see, I work so hard, I done 8 hours work of work in 7!

"I love ya, yeah . . . yeah . . . yeah"!!!

Never mind flashback, I do reckon! I do like it when my mind throws a curve!

( This really is me PEOPLE!!! )

 I kid . . . you not!   You know why I love it?   Ah! come on, you know. I be feeling good, mentally and physically!!! I walk outta the the bloody gates of hell-dumb, where a warm breeze slices thru me like the latest Ginseng knife, Christmas commercial. I let the hood down on my sweatshirt while removing my spectacles. It was a little hot and humid inside, so walking away from hell-dumb, thru them pearly gates, was . . . wonderful. A few steps into freedom, where . . . for . . . thou . . . are . . . not, no, dumb asses!

I take a gander up to the heavens , letting them tiny pearl drops of freedom, massage deep into an old man's soul!!! 

I was, real sick, tonight, I was in the work-ity-ass-mood, I've been in for many, a moons!

"How so?"

Thanks my friends for asking this old, lame brained, one eyed, one good ear, with arthritis of the body, but, not the soul! Hell! I might just testify this morning. That's how good, I's a feeling!

Back to them tiny drops of wonderfulness, massaging my face, plum through to my soul. For a moment, I didn't think of nothing. Refreshing, moisture, rejuvenateth me. I was once again, 8 years old, sitting in a chair at grandpa's house, staring at the Santa Claus face, hanging on the front door. Santa faces inside, and lights up, one of those old-fashion Coca-Cola Santa's. The feeling of contentment, love, happiness, refurbisheth, my soul. That's the same feeling as the tiny golden droplets, soothing an old tired man's face, filling my heart with happiness.

(I know-sa, there ainna no such word as refurbisheth! Damn it! yer on GLENVIEW! )

NOW I ASK YOU, MY FRIENDS . . . WHAT? I SAY, WHAT? COULD BE BETTER THAN THIS?  NOTHING!

Oh! Oh! Oh! I have a vision of reindeers, stopping at Taco Bell, filleth, my growling belly, and happy heart. I walk slowly . . . . . to my mountaineer, ( that be my S. U. V. ) walking thru the magical mystery rain, as I, a fixin' to goeth to Santa's favorite, late night, snacking place.

( Why now . . . do you reckon . . .  Santa's so jolly, and fat? ) Yep! Old Santa's, a snacking machine!

Santa needs, new windshield wipers on his sleigh, but Santa forgets about it, until it raineths, nobody is allowed to drive Santa's sleigh, but you know who!

That reminds ol' Santa, oh dear! Santa's big ass sleigh, needeth, an oil change, OR, them 8 reindeers ( cylinders ) will quit workin'.

"On Prancer, on Dancer, to Taco Bell we go, ah, ha, ha, ha!"

Ah oh! Santa must stop at the ATM, even Santa doesn't get free tacos!

But first, Santa must make a convenient stop, at a convenient store, for a sugary half-gallon soft drink, with shaved ice. Umm, umm, good, Santa loveth, that shaved ice, reminds him of snow cones, ya see! When you get down real low, that shaved ice is . . .GOOD!!!

Santa gets his drink and a can of Jolt for each reindeer, two for Rudolph, gotta keep his big ass red nose shining bright!

Santa thinks . . . "OOPSEY! I be out of wrapping paper for . . . MEVER MIND"!!!

While waiting in line, vision of a joint, dancing in Santa's head, Santa sees a most unusual sight, two men, one about 5 feet 5, the other about 6 feet 6, doing the happiness, Sanata dance.

( When Santa thinks about rolling one, he becometh, Sanata Cause!!! )

These two uneven hombres, were doing, the slumbering Sanata Cause dance. You know, one of them walk, stop, while slinging the arms, stops, starts again! Man oh man! Sanata didn't think they'd ever get out the door! Sanata thought about buying some of that spice, he has been hearing so much about. Maybe after the Taco's

Soft Taco's Supremes, a sugary drink, and a vision of . . . never mind, dance in Sanata's head.

"On, you mangy reindeers, let's discharge some of them lightning bolts in a can, you mule-faced donkeys!"

Sanata's demeanor changes slightly, after Taco's, sugary drinks, and never mind!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL . . . . SLEEP TIGHT, WITH VISIONS OF THEM PEARLY GATES, MADE OF GOLD, LONG BEAUTIFUL LEGS, AND FOR YOU WOMEN . . . . . . . . .

VISIONS OF WHAT LAYETH. UNDERNEATH, THEM JOE BOXWE SHORTS . . . A DINGING . . . AND A DONGING!!!!!!!   (ah, ha, ha, ha! )

Good night my friends from around the globe, until we meet again. Santa Glen!

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Underwear, A Real Glimpse, And Family History!

Okay! Okay! Oookay!!! I cannot get this shit off my mind! Them damn boxers is driiiv-viiig me Crazy!!!

First things first! That driiiv-viiing looks like some kind of foreign language!!!

Oh my God! You just got a REAL glimpse inside my noodle ( Remember that be mind. )

You see how I was trying to make a point, totally ready to give them Joe Boxer underwear hell! Then my mind sees this foreign word, quite possibly language from another world. Then I stopped dead in my mind and went the other way. Folks . . . this . . . be me!!! This is how my mind works! I don't know if it's scary, sad, or just an over active bladder? Oops! I meant to say over active imagination. I get scared sometimes, just thinkin', what I think! Yes, I can laugh at myself!! Life is so frickin' funny sometimes, you hafta just laugh, aint it?

I seen a couple funnies tonight at work, well . . . actually I see a lot of funnies at work. As a matter of a fact, the place is hilarious!

I seen this young man who appeared to be talkin' to himself. Then, I SAY, THEN I seen a hearing impaired young, man signing to himself! Yep, I seen it with my two good eyes. No, no, no! It wasn't me! I'm a hearing impaired old man, 'sides, I don't know how to sign, only one sign I know, and it 'er a good-un! I read lips, not fingers. Oh! Sometimes I read, no, really I can read. I can't write worth a shit, but I can read right, I just can't right write!!! Wurds can be soo confusing, ain't no wonder why foreigners can't speak the English language . . . as in American English. Shite . . . let foreign travelers that have lurned American style of English travel this here land.

I must be completely truthful to my few friends across this rock of a planet we call Urth. I'm from the southern part of my state. My dad's parents are from further south of my state, AND from the mountain part. My mother, I don't believe she has any southern mountainous, speaking impediments. Nope, she just poor country gal, and I'm proud to say, a good old country gal, she still is! I could write a book about my daddy's folk.

Maybe I'll give y'all, just a smidgen. Seems, a tad . . . not right, to call his folk hillbillies!

Well, let me, I mean write, a few things about their upbringing, and you decide, okey, dokey?

My grandmother married real young, and had three young-ins, when she met my step-grandpa. She was married, yes to both. A real hellcat, is how I heard her referred to in later years. Course, I be comin' in this actual picture when she be in her forties, ya see.

Well they lived off the land, no, not farmers, they didn't have enough land to be called farmers. They grew big gardens, which they canned for the winter. They raised pigs and chickens for meat and eggs. They were hunters and fishermen. No electricity, no indoor plumbing. My step-grandpappy did work at various jobs, lost one eye in a factory. He did like his bottle in his younger years and the stories he would tell about the concoctions he would drink back when it was illegal to sell alcohol.

Ooh . . . shit! I did not paint a very pretty picture of my daddy's side, did I? Well fact be a fact1 Don't bother me none, no how. It was another time during the great depression. People done what they had to do, too survive! It makes for many good laughs for a young Glenny, listening to the stories told by men with little educatin'. They'd catch fish, big ass catfish in the Ohio river. I have seen the pictures! They'd get drunk on shine and go coon hunting with their favorite dogs. My uncle spent time in prison, no, not bad people . . .stupid yes! My daddy spent time in reform school, causin. he hated school. He had a third grade education at the time he was hauled away the reform school. He got some schoolin' in him, there, like it or not! He talked about how he drove a wagon pulled by mules. He also told the story of one of them mules kicking him in the head, now I know, what his problem was.

I could go on and on and maybe I will if you would like to hear more?

NOW, BACK TO WHERE I STARTED IN THE BEGINNING, BEFORE MY MIND, GOT IN THE WAY!

The low breeches, showing shorts thing just frost my bells! Then it dawned upon me, underwear to these young Joe Boxer types of today, be mighty, important. I'm afraid to say it, and I could not help noticing, young men of today like showing off their colorful underwear. So now this commercial makes sense. No! Not to me, to the young, who like to show off their bright underwear. One young man had on superman underwear, I kid you not! I was ashamed for this dumbass! Anyhow, they seem to love showing off their high I. Q.  underwear.

WHAT I BE GETTING AT HERE, IS THE COMMERCIAL IS AIMED AT THESE FINE YOUNG PEOPLE WHO LOVE TO SHOW OFF THEIR UNDERWEAR!

I DON'T LIKE IT, BUTT . . . AM FORCED TOO! I HAVE ACCEPTED THE LOW BREECHES, BUTT . . . IT IS WHEN THE SHORTS, DON'T COVER UP THE LOW BREECHES, WHEN THESE YOUNG ONES BEND OVER, AND I SEE THE CRACK OF THEIR ASS!!! THAT MY AMIGOS, HAS GOME TO FAR

(((( Once again I cannot believe where my mind taketh us! Better than reading or watching, all the murder, mayhem, destruction in Washington ain't it???? )))))    Glen

Sunday, December 15, 2013

The Ringing Of The Bells, "Butt Wait,There's More!"

I feel the need to clear my head. I always have ideas while working, or when I'm not at my computer. Earlier while watching Americas Funniest Videos, my mind was turning fast during the commercials, jumping from one thought to another. (No, no, no! I wasn't paying any attention to the commercials!) Watching these videos, some silly, some cute, some funny relax me. My mind was in my style of meditation. We had just returned from checking out the sights of our yearly Christmas lights ride.

As I type this it is many hours later, I've told you this little tid-bit of information, while I attempt to recapture some of what, I thought was interesting, I wish to repeat some of that to you.

Relaxing in front of our Christmas tree watching television. A thought crosses my mind, a conversation we had at break time last night at work. They're talking about something, or the other, I'm not paying any attention, it's extremely hard to catch all the people talking because of my hearing loss, so I don't try.

Someone ask me, "Glen, did you see that K-Mart commercial on television?"

Glen answers, "huh?"

I talk right fancy at work you see! They know if they want my attention they have to address me, get my attention, you know. Otherwise, I be in my own little zone, or reading the paper. Not that I'm being snooty, I simply can't follow the damn conversation around the break room, my antenna ears can't tune it in.

"Did you see that K-Mart Joe Boxer commercials on television?"

Glen "nope"

Well, this young one sitting close to me, brings it up on her little cellphone-computer-thing-a-ma-gig.

"Here Glen!"

It starts out with about five well dressed men in suits sitting behind a table. So I'm expecting something, classy, you see. The next thing you know the table is pulled out, and their in their underwear wearing Santa hats, each holding a bell, you know them hand held bells that they ring at Christmas, come on people! Silver bells, Christmas! So their playing their bells, shaking their derrieres, buttocks, butts, asses while wearing Joe Boxer underwear. ( Not a pretty sight to me! )

So as you watch these men shaking their silver bells in one hand . . .their asses is a-shaking . . . . . you know what else men have, that goes from side to side, while the silver bell is making beautiful sounds of Christmas.

COME ON PEOPLE! Inside the bells there is a ball that strikes the sides, making the bell vibrate.

So  . . . if the men shake their derrieres, that would cause movement on the front side! The balls and the???  

(((( I gotsa think on this, some! Imagine one of them big church bells that The Hunchback Of Notre Dame pulling this big heavy stout rope and the big bell would flap side to side, inside was the gong striking the bell. So we have the outside of the bell, the gong the hits inside of it. Okay! okay! okay! This is getting confusing! Ohh! There is this long thing, the bell, be it, either the little bell, or the big church bell. So inside is a gong, hooked to a thing, hooked to the inside center at the top. Damn, I hate getting all technical on you butt, I'm trying to see! No, no, no! I don't want to see!!!!! The gong hooked with the thing, bangs against the bell, making the bell go, ding-dong. )))) 


NOW CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SIGHT OF THE MEN IN THE COMMERCIAL WITH THE BELLS CHIMING, ALONG WITH THE MEN'S . . . SLAPPING SIDE TO SIDE.

OKAY! OKAY! OKAAAY!!! WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS GOING THROUGH THE IDEA MEN . . . WHILE THINKING UP SUCH A COMMERCIAL???

IT GOES FROM FUNNY TO VULGAR IN A FLASH!

I've seem many a Christmas commercials in my day. My favorite every year is the Budweiser Clydesdales. Makes me, wanna, go buy beer, and a, I don't do alcohol. They're just beautiful!

SOME WILL FIND THIS COMMERCIAL FUNNY, I HAVE NO DOUBT. AFTER ALL, THE COMMERCIAL TIS . . . ABOUT UNDERWEAR!

WILL THIS COMMERCIAL, SAVE THIS COMPANY FROM THE BRINK SELF-DESTRUCTION?

ADVERTISEMENT SEEMS TO ME TO BE ABOUT TRYING TO SCORE AN UPPER A KNOCKOUT COMMERCIAL, SO THAT THE PUBLIC WILL BE SO GLAZED OVER FROM THE PUNCH, AND BUY, BUY, BUY!

DID THIS COMPANY SCORE A KNOCKOUT PUNCH WITH THIS LAMELESS VULGAR ADD?

MAYBE TO THE ONES THEY'RE TRYING TO TARGET, KNOW WHAT BE THE TARGETED ONES?

LOW CLASS, I RECKON SUMS THAT UP!

THE BRAND NAME THEY PUT UPON THIS PRODUCT, I THOUGHT WAS LOW ENOUGH. I'M GLAD TO SEE THESE EDUCATED ONES ARE CAPABLE OF TARGETING THERE OWN TYPE!!!!!!! 

Damn, I took too much time talking about underwear, I'll try to remember the other thoughts I had on my mind. AIN'T NO PLACE TO GO BUT UP!

THIS HAS BEEN GLEN'S VIEW, HERE ON GLENVIEW.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Late Night Commercials and Maybe a Chuckle? ( I Hope? )

Some of you may not see them. They've been around as long as I can remember. You know what I call the late night commercials. The first that I remember was the Veg-o-matic. It slices, dices, it does it all! Remember the pocket fisherman, Yep my not to smart father, from the hills and the hollers with only a grade school education, bought it hook-line-and sinker!  ( Place laugh here , , ,ha, ha! )

"Work with me pleeaassee?"

Between then and know there's been a heap of products they've sold. "Was it Ronco, that sold them?" Remember all the extra goodies that they would give as a bonus? No I can't, but they made you feel like they were giving you the deal of a lifetime AND . . . todays commercials still do the same. like the new chopper, dicer, shredder, like the old veg-o-matic, called Miracle Chopper err something or the other. Todays gimmicky gimmick sales pitch is get two for the price of one, also they'll throw in something you would never use giving you a $100.00 value for just $19.95.

I think my mother still has that veg-o-matic. My father loved his pocket fisherman soo much he placed it on his gun rack in his pick up truck, so that any creek he crossed he could jump out and reel in a big ol' fish. Yes he did!

This summer they were advertising a 25 foot hose that you could store easily because it would shrink back up after you turn the water off. Reminds me of those snake fireworks we use to sit off as kids. Never worry about leaks, kinks, tripping over ever again. This sucker shrinks back to a fraction of its size.

This putting pressure to it becoming long, yet can shrink back down to a mere fraction, reminds me of . . . ( Never mind!!! )

Get two of these super hoses for the price of one. They must not have much confidence in their product. How many people need more than one hose?

Oh! oh! oh! I know, maybe it's a conversation piece. Erma Mae . . .  loves to show off her new hose that gets really long and hard! Then it shrivels back to almost nothing and then she puts in a shoe box for safe keeping. But wait! She has a spare for free! If it ever wears out! Unlike her late husband who only lasted 25 years.

I remember them weed eaters commercials that you could make into so many different tools. They're ain't nobody round my neck of the woods who gonna keep their yard that nice. Although, they might use it to trim the weeds around every car, they've ever owned. Nah! that's what they have them goats and the mule for!

Uncle Earl Bob always bought up the all the scrap metal, like old tractors and implements, he said, "one of these days they'll be worth a lot of money!" Yep! he were right! He died and Ma sold all his junk and moved to town and bought her one of them Can-do-men-in. Rights next door were a Frenchmen named Pierre. He invited her over for dinner one night and well Ma's children say they never seen such spark in Ma's eyes afore. Seems Pierre was a plumber. Ma's says, he were a plumbing fool, she has a lot of plumbing that needed to be put back in working order, after many years of neglect!"

Children told her to "sue the Can-do-men-in place. No! No! no! "she weren't a gonna sue nobody! Having all these plumbing needs, that need fixin' has made her the happiest woman in the whole U. S. A.

Well know, the children were happy for Ma. All her wishes have come true. She living in a fairy tale without fairies, She has a beautiful yard with a lake out back. Two bedrooms with two baths. Both inside. No damn ornery mule, nor, goats to hear going baaa, baaa, all damn day. No chickens running around, no hound dog on the front porch. Pierre gave her little French Poodle after the first dinner.

She tells all, "she's living like a Queen, please don't worry about her plumbing, Pierre 's gonna work on her plumbing and do all the roto-rootering, until her pipes are running free, and she hollers can-do-men-in, ten times." She be so out a breath every time Pierre works on her plumbing, "that ain't never gonna happen, she says!!!

AND MA LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!   ( I CAN'T BELIEVE, I WROTTA, WHATTA, I WROTTA! OH WELL JUST ANOTHER VISIT TO GLENVIEW! )   

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Standin', Like Never Before!

Learning to read, allows a young boy to escape into fantasy. Always, this lad, had a vivid imagination. Playing Cowboys and Indians was a favorite escape for young ones growing up in the 50's. Looking back at that time now, as a grown up with a lifetime of experiences, makes the old man shiver now. Well . . .  the boy did not know any better. He was playing out childhood fantasies, mimicking what was popular at the time. The theaters show westerns, westerns on the televisions. Well the boy had no choice, as to what was on the televisions, the adults control that, since the child's family did not have a television until he was about twelve years old, mostly the only viewing of that relatively new invention was on Saturday night at Grandpa's. It's hard to understand to the generations growing up after me without television and all the other gizmos that have altered children's imaginationt. Good or bad, like the westerns portraying the white man and the thieving redskins, our mind's are forever shaped.

Saturday night was the big night of the week for Eddie, he got to spend time with grandpa, his true father figure. Sad, even now, to admit to that, but the truth is, the real truth! Grandpa Ralph never got excited, except' for rassling. A tall thin man, slightly bent from a lifetime of hard labor. He worked over 40 years for the Rail Road. On call 24 hours a day. Hard work meant nothin' back then, his hobby was planting a big garden for the family to can, he and I sold the extra. I was his star salesman. After all nobody could refuse a ten year old chubby cheeked young lad. We were close . . . I carry his name, Glen. I'm proud as a peacock, to mention that. He died when I was but 12, yet he's in my dreams, my thoughts, as it were, only yesterday. Good memories, never fade, they're cherished, shared with love, like watching a garden bloom. Life is hoping the bad thoughts will slowly, dissipate. Replaced with the still, love for life. In 1963 he went outside on a November night, trying to catch his breath, a lifetime of 62 years.

Back then, seems as though, every man smoked.  ( The Marlboro man commercial, most likely, influenced the youth's of that era, ya, reckon? )  He rolled his own. Prince Albert in a can. I'd watch him carefully, take a single sheet of thin paper and place Prince Albert tobacco on it, then lick the end slightly, connecting the cigarette, using matches he'd strike on any surface. A young boy once, lovingly fascinated by the very act of watching grandpa build a cigarette was totally devastated in the wee hours of a cold November. I remember it, as I remember yesterday!   (  Actually I remember it more, than yesterday! ) The very scene, clearly etched, into my mind, will never heal! Can't! Will not! Ever!

A child's mind, plays out, forever, those feelings, the thoughts of being that child, the actual, devastating, loving, unknown visualization, at that time, in their history. Lost, totally lost, in that moment, plays like a stuck needle, only forever, such as in the rut, of an old 45 rpm record. You move the needle carefully, yet  returning to the same spot, the record stop again, and again, in the same damaged rut. Yes, how can it not? Time, really stops, stuck forever, in one groove, to be, never, forgotten.

Children are not capable of understanding the darkness of life. Their lollipops, rainbows, cartoons, puppy dogs, the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus all rolled into one, with love and pride, like grandpa's Prince Albert cigarettes.

The cigarettes that eventually kills grandpa is real, but . . . children DO NOT understand these things, and the consequences. Sadly, but with great love and tenderness, an old man ME, at almost the same age, grandpa died, fifty years ago, reminisce, fondly, and admit, I still miss him!!! You see that child that heard the message, "grandpa just died" as he lies crying, in his bed, still feels that moment. It will never perish, nor do I wish it to!

I learned first about death 5 years before this. Sissy's what I called her. A red head that I can only barely remember, playing with. Seems like we we're playing, the next thing I remember, they're rushing her in the "dead of night," to a children's hospital far, far, away. Never for me to be seen again, except for the viewing of her, in her small casket, at the funeral home. Children do not understand such matters, as death, funeral homes, burying!!! They know not what, questions to ask, there's nothing, in which to prepare them for such an event! Seven years old is about the learning of elementary school fundamentals. The essential tools of life, to be built upon. NOT ABOUT DEATH! What does the losing of a younger sister teach a child about? NOTHING! Not true! It teaches the cruelity . . . and absolute, foreverness . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   the longing, the missing of a love one! To never be finalized, never to be understood, to carry that loss , , ,   that love . . .    for eternity!!!

DAMN IT ALL TO HELLL!  TO CARRY SUCH LOST, THROUGH ETERNITY MOLDS ONE . . . HAS TO!

WE ARE WHOM WE BECOME, BECAUSE OF!

WOULD I BE SOMEWHAT DIFFERENT IF?

SEEMS THE ANSWER WOULD BE "MOST ASSUREDLY!"

TO OF KNOWN THE LOVE AND THE GIVETH, EVEN FOR ONE MOMENT MORE! YES, I SAY!!!

THE HAUNTS I CARRY, IS OF THE LAST SHOT/MEMORY, FOREVER ETCHED INTO MY MIND, I CANNOT SHAKE AFTER HALF A CENTURY?

IT IS OF MY SISSY,  A PICTURE TAKEN THE DAY BEFORE HER DEATH OF HER NEW RED SLIPPERS, THEN HER DARK OF THE NIGHT, DEATH RIDE IN OUR NEIGHBORS 55 BUICK. SISSY WAS BURIED WITH THOSE RED SLIPPERS.

AS FOR MY GRANDPA, HE SIMPLY WENT OUT ONE COLD NOVEMBER NIGHT TO NEVER CATCH HIS BREATH! THE DEATHLY GRIP OF NIGHT, COMETH, ONCE, MORE!

WHAT I PONDER UPON, ALMOST EXCESSIVELY, AS MY MOTHER'S ENDING DRAWS NEAR?????

HOW WILL I HANDLE THE BIGGEST INFLUENCE OF MY LIFE? I TEAR UP NOW, WHILE TYPING!  

THE ONE, AND THE ONLY THING I KNOW IS LOVE FROM HER. I ONLY WISH TO THINK UPON HER THAY WAY!!!!!!!

FOR, TO CARRY THE LOVE OF THE LOST ONES IN OUR LIFE HAS FORMED US, GUIDED US, MADETH US, WHO, WE ARE. I LIKE TO THINK THEIR WITH US ALWAYS AND FOREVER. I KNOW THEY ARE!!!!!

I'M STILL STANDIN', LIKE NEVER, BEFORE!!!

Friday, December 6, 2013

Does mg, stand for mighty good?

The weather here in my home state has been topsy-turvy, the last couple weeks. At 3 a m yesterday morning it was 65 degrees, it's now 28, just before Thanksgiving it was about 16 one night. It's going to be, brrr again an artic blast is blasting away at us at this very moment. ice changing over to snow as I get of work. Don't like it, no how!!! (Actually that's not true! I love to watch it snowing, whilst I wile away the hours, in my easy chair. ( Not sure where that last line came from? ) Looks like single digits in a few days. The early forecast I just checked on my Hewie Picardo, showed 2 degrees. ( Hewie Picardo is what I call my computer. Sometimes I call it much worse names! ) You know what I say to 2 degrees? BRRRRR!!!!!

( THAT BE A LOT COLDER THAN A WELL-DIGGER'S ASS!!! )

 Didn't do nothin', over the past weekend. Me old back is still sore from the one helluva a night's work I did about 10 days ago. I be too f???ing old, to work like that anymore. My mind says, "you . . . can . . . do . . . it!!!"  ( My mind's still willing, but damn it gets rougher and rougher! )   

Two days after that dreadful night, I'm getting up from my chair been watching football, my back creaking, says," damn your're old, old man!"

Me and Ah Clem used to call each other "old man," as we both take a handful of advil, as we start  work. You know them little pills do help for a short time!

I lie in bed Friday night, tryin' to get some rest, every joint in my body was hurtin', bad . . . even me finger joints, yep, I kid you not! When I finally drifted off into a slumber, resembling the last slumber, I slept for 12 hours, man oh man, no dreams, nor nothin'. Trouble was it took me till noon a sittin' corpse like in my lazy boy chair, before I could go to bed.

It be hell . . . getting old, but then I think of the consequences! Glen Bob not-ta ready to go there yet.

People that have seen the light, of the great beyond say, "it's so beautiful." Be my luck on the other side of the light, be . . .  what I go through now, only more of the same-o, same-o, and there'd be Sam-o, the boss from hell!

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Okay . . . I just a don't get these energy drinks!!! I can bet a buzz on regular sugary drinks with caffeine. Twelve ounces are from 35 to 50 mg's. ( Does mg's stand for mighty good? ) I look on the of can of an energy drink, it has 140 mg's of caffeine. The name was Jolt, Charge Me, Let's bring him, back with the paddles! Something like that. ( Hell I can't remember! )

Let ol' Glen tell a little, true story about a man, 'bout 40 years of age, I used to work with. I'll call him, "Lightning. ) He were tall and skinny. I 've heard these skinny a ones referred to as "Slim Jim's. ( Think about it! )

      This here ol' boy was a worker, yes he was! Trouble was though, he were a talker too! He would come to work drinking a can of Jolt. No big deal there right? Right, but he'd bring 3 more cans of that Devil brew, with him. He would start off the shift fine. Every break he would drink one of them lightning bolts from hell. You'd see his talkin', getting', different! He would voice his opinion more, and much stronger. His personality changed. Thinkin' somethin' and sayin' somethin' be two different things, you know! We all think things . . . we don't, say them things to others, especially bosses. do we?  This ol' boy would say things to me, usin', that F word, shite, it be no big deal. That be common vocabulary in factories The worst offender of that F word was a woman I used to work with, actually I was her boss at that time. Her favorite sayin' was "here's a quarter go tell some one that gives a F@#$." Yeah . . . she told that to everybody!!! It was just her and used jokingly.

      Okay back to Lightning. He becometh  too f---ing  vocal after several cans of caffeine in a can. At breaks he would go out walking around in the parking lot, yep! ( Does that tell you somethin' )

There's women working around him and some did not like it. No problem, he shouldn't be sayin' some of the stuff he were sayin' anyway. He went too far a couple times to a boss. This boss told her boss, and that boss and Lightning had it out in front of me one night, yeah . . . they did. Trouble was, what Lightning were a sayin', weren't, all wrong, it was the tone of voice, and how he went about it! I stay betwixt them as she and Lightning walk towards the door, after she fired him. He were outta control. but he was not going to hit her as long as I was there!

I work with a new person now, I reckon he's kinda my boss. We get along fine. He a workin' S, O, B.  he'll work long days with only a couple smoke breaks, he's always busy. He has showed me a couple times this capsule he takes, calls it, "his dinner." I never thought much about it until I seen a package of these little pills, 4 of them, called stacker fat burner somethin' urr, the other. I look on the back and the main ingredient was caffeine, Yep! Guess how many mg's were in one of them capsules??? 250 of them! Cowa-bonga-dudes, and dudettes!!!

If I was to take one of them, me heart would jump outta me chest. It would be the death of me for sure. I reckon I knew about these caffeine pills because I have seen them by the cash register at convenient stores. I never read the back.

I AM NAIVE TO SUCH PRODUCTS, BUT AFTER THINKING UPON IT, THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN SUCH PRODUCTS, I SUPPOSE. I REMEMBER READING WHERE OVER 100 YEARS AGO YOU COULD ORDER COCAINE AND SYRINGES BY MAIL ORDER.

I suppose, I've wandered on enough for one night! Thanks for reading the last thoughts on my mind before I go to bed. Glen

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Buzzed Working!

I must say this first, "I HATE MONDAYS!"

"Why?" Y'all ask?

"Because it's MONDAY! What more do you need?"

Okay! I'll be more specific. What cometh before Monday?  ( Put your thinkin' caps on! )

Monday thru Friday,  ( Please use your imagination, if you're  not on the NORMAL, schedule. )  When you wake up, you look at the clock, yer thinkin  "drats! I got to go to work,"  10 minutes later you hid the snooze button, again . . . again . . . until . . . you must jump outta bed and rush, off to work! You start your day off, hurry, hurry, hurry! You get to work right at the time to clock in, proceed directly to work, work, work. You're not awake and you most assuredly ainna in the best of moods after rushing. So you put on, your happy face!  ( Yeah! Right! Anybody give me any shit, I'll drop them like a sack of taters! )

So you wake up on Saturday at your normal time. look at Mr. Clock think, "eww," then I say "THEN" you remember . . . iffin, yesterday was Friday . . . then, I say "THEN!"

SATURDAY! SATURDAY! IT'S, SAT-UR-DAY! YIPPEE! YIPPEE! YIPPEE! SMILING FROM EAR TO EAR, AND RETURN TO DREAMLAND.

After a couple days off, of, rest and relaxation,  ( Well, when you get older like me. You hope your aches and pains quiet down enough to handle another week. You think I'm kiddin' don't you? )  Monday rolls around quicker every year, you think, "I'll call in today!" For a brief second or two, "yeah, yeah, that's what I'll do!" Then you drag your arthritis stricken body, outta, bed, thinkin', "why me Lord, what have I done to deserve, you know!" A hot shower and a handful of  ibuprofen, will get me started, but still the relief doesn't come.

So . . . hi-ho, hi-ho, its off to work I go! Yeah right! You get to work without thinkin' go inside and start. You're not awake and if anyone says. "goood mornin'"  ( After awhile they learn to not say anything until "bout noon! ) 

This Monday was a real bad one. I couldn't get going, my body was creaking, my mind was foggy, more than normal! To add insults to Monday, I had the shites! I said to myself, "shite, I'll just go home!" I done some pondering, while I sat on my thinkin' stool! Lights began a flashing! "I've not had any sweets, no sugary drinks all day Sunday, me body's in shock, deprived of the necessary life force that keeps me going. As soon as I could get me breeches up, and me hands washed, I bee-lined it to the break room. There waiting for me was M and M's.  ( They're out of peanut ones, that's what I always eat, so I bought the regular and a 12 ounce can of my fav soda. )

I was a mite worried, I must drive the fork-lift, I ainna woke up, and me arthritis is a killin' me. Well I took the time to eat the M and M's, and gulp me soda. I got some sugar, choc-o-late AND 35 mg's of caffeine.  ( That's nothing compared to this lightning bolt energy drinks they consume now! I look on a can that a young man drinks, where's I work it has 140 mg's of caffeine. "Lord have mercy!" This youngin comes in drinking one and carrying one with him! Yep! I would not lie to you! ) 

After a few times pondering on my favorite stool, and partaking of break room wonder vitamins. I was-sa approaching take off! By this time it was break time. I hadn't done much work so far, besides thinkin', wipin', and force feeding me-self, tryin' to come to life. This is why I hate Mondays!!! I be rested up, relaxed, mind clear and at peace, and then before you know it, comes the time to . . . you know.

Apparently the ibuprofen were watered down, "they don't seem to be working!" So I had another light bulb above my head. "I'mma gonna hit me-self one more time in the break room." Just like an alcoholic, taking a shot of whiskey and chasing it with a beer. Yep! I did!

Well . . .  weren't long old man Glen were a workin' like a man of twenty once again. Wowza! I got plenty done the rest of the night and for awhile, I forgot about stiff joints and other shit!      

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Drugs And Cellphones (oh no!!!)

Hello  . . . there! Yep, it be me again. I got to be me . . . I got to be . . . Got off work at the normal time. I need some of my medicines renewed. We got us, a couple all night drug stores, so I head to one of them. I give the bottles to the lady druggist and go back in about a half hour. Pretty easy done, I listen to the radio for a spell, no big deal for me, there is a program I sometimes listen to late at night. In the beginning I thought this program was sensational. Different guests talking 'bout everything under the sun. I believe it open my eyes to a lot of subjects I would not hear anyplace else. Some of the guests were superb, some pure nutcases. That's what I liked about it.

After a while the program became the same O, same O. Once you've heard the same stuff over and over, it becomes somewhat boring!  

Already, off track! Well . . . I have trouble understanding some people, even with my hearing aids looking directly at them, like over the counter at me drug store. I go inside while dropping them off in case you know, there's a problem. I do a speedy pay thing-a-ma-jig, just zoom that money out of my special drug and Doctor card. Usually they just ask me my address and I get me drugs and go. At the drug store out by me, they call me by name. (Oh shit! I don't know if that's good or bad!) But they're not one of them all night drug stores. I be a valued . . . drugee . . .  to them. (Can I say that?) Sometimes I don't make it to them during regular drugee hours!

Well I go back to get me meds, the druggist tells me the price, ask my address. I be, pretty sharp at that moment and remembered my address. I always remember my address but sometimes I get my pin numbers mixed up, don't tell me you never do! Shit . . . we got to have code numbers, pin numbers, you know what I'm saying, I be tryin" to get diesel fuel for my work truck, a couple weeks ago, which I don't drive much anymore, dag gone it, I forgot the number. So I mosey on in, to that convenient store. It was very convenient at that time, sosa I walk in and spot me some peanut M and M's, and  walk back to me truck. Damn! it only took about 5 of them protein enriched, sugary, chocolate, brain enriching, little do-dads, to get me mind a thinkin'.

Everything was going good, then . . .  she plum, confused me. She started talkin' 'bout, I could call ahead and she would have the prescriptions ready, and so on, and so forth. (My hearing aids were overloading, me brain was being zapped!)

DAMN . . .  I AINNA QUITE, A CAVEMAN. DAMN IT TO HELL! I'MMA THROWBACK TO YONDER YEARS. I DON'T WANT MY PHONE TO DO EVERYTHING FOR ME, BUT WIPE MY ASS!

Yes I have a cellphone . . . when I remember to take it! It's not a life altering event if I forget it!

I think that, take with you every where phones, are great, but . . . . . . . .!!!!!!!!!!

It seems to me, some people, are controlled by them! (Call me an old fogey if you want, but sheesh . . . shite . . . damn . . . !!!!

People can't work between breaks without sneaking a peekee, at their freekee, sell-man-a-phonees!

Now what could be so important that they can't wait? If there's an emergency . . . we still have land line phones at work, and someone is always close to it.

What are they doing that needs to be checked so often? One new hire of about 18 months ago had to check his Celly, every few minutes. It got so bad with the new ones the company had to ban use of them during work. Duh!

Once more, I ask, why do they need to check them so often? What is so earth shattering? The average text, surely can wait till break! As soon as break comes, their a digging fer them brain-zapping toys out, walkin', and a, textin'. It be hilarious watchin" them, runnin' them fingers across the letters.

IFFIN, I'D, A, WANNA SEND MY PRESCRIPTIONS IN, THRU THE DAMN PHONE .  . . I WOULDA. I DON'T WANNA!  

Sunday, December 1, 2013

LET'S PLAY WORD GAMES

One of my favorite things to do, or rather, used to do, is play word games. This word has been on my mind for several days. Why? Hell . . . I don't know! That's just the way it is! There's not any control to this here noggin, (slang for mind) and a that's the way I like it. I only hope you do to?

You know, what I hate? Well . . . there be . . . MANY things! )

Those of you that have read some of my meandering shenanigans, probably know one or two, or twenty-nine!)

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ALERT!!!  Since I've been telling you about the weather in me neck of the heartland, I feels compelled, to tell ya, a heat wave has taken over. It's 34 degrees at 3 a. m. I have come to a much unorthodox conclusion, that after consumption of all the Thanksgiving dinners 'round here. That gas from the sometimes thankful end.. . .

(Come on pleeaassee . . . tell me you got that, I be fart-full as I type this post tonight.)
((Ahh! Ha! ha! ha! I be loaded for bear tonight. Only I be loaded with somethun. uther, than bear! It be hot air, gas!))

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"INSIDIOUS" (There's something about that word that's insidious!) HEY, YOU WANNA, HEAR
SOMETHIN SPOOKY? (I certainly do hope so, since I plan on typin' some more of my zaniness!) I must prepare you for either spookiness, or senility, as compared to Alzheimer, wisenheimer syndrome. There be somethun a mite strange, 'bout this whole . . . thing, besides the person, on this here keyboard!)
((You don't think me, a mite strange, do ya? Causin', I be the lessus, strange, purson, I come, into, contact with, in the corpse (Yes, yes, yes, it shoulda, coulda, been, COURSE of the day! Some a the ones I see, make a me, think zombies!!! so ya see, where I got corpse! Damn it! Can you not, follow me simple, simple-dumbass lingo?) I'm afraid you do . . . understand, what I'm a talkin', 'bout!!! Ain't I a delight sometimes, OR . . . a, just plum crazy? You make the call!!!

WE LACKEYS OF THE WORLD ARE GOING TO SURVIVE! ( Sorry that was a brain fart!)

I plum fergot, what the wurd wassa, I wassa, gonna, c-l-a-r-f-y, fer ya! Oh yeah! now I 'member, insider trading. No doesn't have quite the ring, to it. Although it does seem a-probably right!

Insidious . . . (I forgot to mention the ah-ooh, part. That means, weird! There was a place marked on my REAL, you remember books, don't you, only this book is called, Webster's New World Dictionary, Third College Edition. Must-a, screwed up the first two editions. ya reckon? Yep, just as I thought! It keeps being updated, re-copyrighted, 'cause there are many new printings, and there is one BIG THING that caught my eye. It explains why I can't write . . . right . . . ya know! This be the Webster's New World Dictionary Of, A-M-E-R-I-C-A-N . . . English.)
((Damn . . how I go on, sometimes! Good thing that everybody doesn't have a noggin like mine! I was gonna say, before me mind got in me way! Ya see, I can be thinkin', too many frickin' things, at the same time, and me fingers can't translate. Wow!!! That's the best excuse I've come up with yet!!!  This ain't SOUL WRITING, it's CONFUSED WRITING!
(((Back to the ah-ooh, part. There's a marker in my Dick Dictionary on page 699, the 7'th word down is . . . "Insidious". Now, as you can see, I don'ta use me dictionary MUCH! I just looove to play with them. You've never noticed! """Well Bless Your Hearts!""" Gosh darn it! I ainna never gonna get this here friggin' post ready to post!!! Get this . . . my marker is a Band-Aid! I come prepared in case of a paper cut.)))

Let me try once more! INSIDIOUS. Characterize by treachery or slyness; wily, OR operating in a slow or not easily apparent manner; more dangerous than seems evident.  [ad insidious disease] OKAY!!!

I do like that word "Wily" I'm going to look that up in my A-m-e-r-i-c-a-n  English what-cha-ma-call-it thing a ma boob!!!!!!!

WILY means full of wiles???? Well what the fick is wiles?  DAMN! damn! damn I've said it before and I'll say it again, "you look one figgin word up, and it gives you a variation of that word, now . . . you must look up another word. No wonder it's called A-m-e-r-i-c-a-n English!!!

Wile #1, a sly trick; deceitful artifice; stratagem.
#2, a beguiling or coquettish trick.
#3, craftiness; guile-- to beguile; lure-- trick--WILE AWAY, to while (time, etc); by CONFUSION WITH WHILE..... What the  (((((@$%^ ))) is going on here??????????